husbands who lie...?

Question

okay over all my husband is a great guy. Very giving, extremely loving, makes a person want to be good.
Anyways, he has a little problem, he lies about little things, and I've caught him lie to me about something big. Now his explanations are, he doesn't want to hurt me, or he feels as though he can't tell me the truth b/c of my reaction.
The last lie he told, keeps coming up for some reason and everytime he says something important, in the back of my mind I question his sincerity.
We just got married and I'm also pregnant, so I can't just get up and leave. But at the same time, I don't know if things will get worse or if he'll learn?
ugghhh!!!

Answer 1

Harmless lies are always better than hardcore truths! That's the truth! You told that he is loving and caring, then why bother these silly things! If you really want to like (not only love) a person, you really need to think broadly rather than thinking small. Let's assume that every action has a purpose and if it's for good, IGNORE and move on with your life! You'll NEVER find a SAINT who always tell only truths.

Answer 2

Sounds familiar. But all men have down falls. He sounds like a good guy. But the only way he will learn, is if you share with him how deeply you feel about him lying. And that his lying could be a deal breaker. Then take slow steps and when he comes to you the first time and admits to a lie then this is when you can not overreact. Try and see if he will work at it. How can you trust a liar? And ask him if he lies about the little things then you are going to question his loyalty about bigger issues. He has to get better or the trust won't grow. But he needs to know that you will be there for him also. And overreaction will cause him to say "see I knew I should of lied."

Answer 3

He just told you why he is lying…. It’s the way you handle the truth. I find this a pretty lame excuse. He married you there shouldn’t be a communication problem. This is one of those things that should have been hashed out before the final commitment. Its only going to get worse. IF he cant talk to you about the little things.. how on earth is he ever going to open up on the BIG issues???...



It’s the small things over time that cause break-ups… I wish people would really think about their actions and what is said before opening their mouth. Words are just as hurtful if not worse then physical.



This has lead to a trust issue. You have lost trust in him and he has lost faith in telling you the truth. Talk to him about this… If you are the one that needs to control you emotions then do your best to accommodate. You are pregnant right now and Yes emotions get so high very quickly. Its part of this wonder cycle of pregnancy.



Talk.. talk and more talk get it all out before things get out of control.

Answer 4

You need to talk to my husband. In the first part of our marriage I could not speak one once of truth. Not on big things mind you. Stupid little stuff that made no sense. This as a lot to do with how I was raised and a previous marriage. Over time I learned that I could trust him and he was safe. This could be the same thing your husband is going through. Let me tell you it's the hardest thing in the world, thinking you are not good enough and will never be enough. I can't tell the truth and let him/her see the real me. I had no true friends and kept everyone at a distance, hid my shame, and stayed on a diet because I was not good enough. Talk to your husband about this. He is in a very lonely place that has nothing to do with you.

Answer 5

There is a reason why he feels the need to lie. So you being a new wife and a soon to be mother makes it impossible to up and leave? I'm so sad you feel that way, but I know you have more options than that. With that mentality, you have two choices: either get fed up and leave, or deal with it. You can not and will not ever change anyone but yourself. If he doesn't see it as a problem, he won't change it, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I also want to add this: leaving a sock on the floor, forgetting to let the toilet seat down, leaving the kitchen a mess; these things get under our skin, but they don't make men bad husbands. Liars ARE NOT good husbands...period!

Answer 6

Sometimes men find they need to lie about the smallest stupidest things I guess to see if they can get away with it. I can't say wether u can trust him r not. This isn't a big thing he lied about that's what makes it just crazy to even lie in the first place. Has he done things are said things in the past to make you doubt him. If so got w/ what ur gut tells u. Usually it's always right.... Hire urself a PI if u think it's that bad and u really need answers. R hell just go PI urself. Follow him around and see if he's lieing about other things.

Answer 7

i really do think he's trying not to hurt you, and it also seems that he knows you really well because he knows how you would react if he WERE to tell you the truth.



so what you need to do is set him straight, especially now that you are pregnant and are recently married. You need to tell him that he needs to be completely honest with you, and that you will try your best to not get mad. And it true...some guys will get scared and intimidated and start lying so they won't necessary "hurt" you...BUT this cannot become a habit, so stop it now. And when you tell him, set him down, and let him know that you love him (very important), and make it clear that you will not get mad. Remember that not only are you two married, but are friends, and that friends trust each other.



If he keeps lying, go to counseling, and then maybe he will let his feelings out, but after that, then you can up and leave and then maybe he'll learn :)

Answer 8

Things will only get worse when it come to lying. It's nothing that can be considered as "little", because in a relationship, trust is the most important thing other than your respect & love for each other. So, if he's lying now, then you won't have any trust to build your relationship on for things to be happy and content. Let him know that you'd rather know the truth regardless to what your actions may be to see if he'll understand how important it is to you to trust him.

Answer 9

Maybe if you work on how you react to things, he'll be able to work on his lying. Everyone lies to avoid uncomfortable situations. Ever go shopping and come home and hide something from him because you don't want him to know you spent money? We all lie and it is to protect the others feelings. Perhaps change your attitude a little, be more supportive of his decisions and his attitude will change too.

Answer 10

ok, so you knew this before you married him and it was obviously fine with you...or else, you would not have married right?



what makes it different now?



the fact that he married you?



this is obviously how the guy is...everyone has flaws...you cannot expect to get a perfect husband...i'm sure he can come up with things that he doesn't like about you...would you like for him to be questioning your entire relationship on these flaws that you have...



you married and you need to commit to what you promised to each other...



stop thinking that you will change him...you may be creating problems where there aren't any...





just let him know how you feel about it...and ask him to try his best since it's that important to you...



just don't hold that over his head....



everyone lies....EVERYONE...



remember that...if you start judging him for this...he will call you out when he catches you in your own...

Answer 11

Okay, he said he lies because of your reaction. This does not make his lying and less deceitful, but it he may be telling you something.



Think about how you react to things. Next time he tells you something that would normally upset you, think "is this REALLY something to get worked up about?" Pick your battles. Yes he is lying to you and yes he could create bigger lies. But before you write him off your list and make him a "bad guy", see what you can do to help him.



He had enough courage and faith in you to tell you he was lying, give him that. Remember you are a team. You should help your team, not hurt them. Try to help him work on this and ask him to help you and your reactions.

Answer 12

If a person will lie about small things they'll lie about big things. A major component in marriage is trust. How will you know when to believe him and when not? I'd definitely consider this a large issue and I'd tell him so. I'd make it real clear that you won't accept any lies from here on in. If counseling is in order I'd set a date because trust issues can absolutely kill a relationship.

Answer 13

Guys will do most ANYTHING in the world to not disappoint or get criticized by their SO, partner, wife etc. Is it possible he feels judged or rejected when he delivers news that isn't so good? If you never react that way to him it is possible he learned that as a child from his parents and has carried the pattern along into the marriage. The pattern will probably be difficult to change but he can learn that he'll be loved no matter if his "news" isn't welcome if you do your part.

Answer 14

Telling white lies to avoid confrontation is annoying but is it reason enough to leave the man you love? Marriage is a lot of work. Don't give up on him so easily. Just frequently remind him that honesty is important to you, and when he does confide in you try not to over-react.

Answer 15

Dont know how old you are but your about to bring a child into this world and to have someone like this is not good... he needs to go to counseling for himself and this child.... later on down the road it could be more serious and do you really want your child raised by a compulsive liar.... either way if you stay or go he needs to get this problem under control....

Answer 16

give him the benfit of the doubt. don't just get a divorce, that should ur last resort (last). Try to work it out, if its the little things then after a while it can be annoying, and trust is very important, but rmaybe he had a horrible experience with a woman or his mother and he feels he needs to lie.

Answer 17

He said he's afraid of your reaction -- do you have a hair trigger temper? Maybe promise not to 'react' when he tells you the truth.



Another possibility -- he was conditioned to lie by having to deal with that 'psycho ex girlfriend' you mentioned in an earlier question.



He may have developed the habit of lying in dealing with her.



So, lying may be his way of avoiding any and all conflict.



I'd tell him how you feel, that when he lies, it makes you question his sincerity.

Answer 18

Urghhh...this is tough. Not to offend you but...a second lie is needed to cover the first...and it goes on and on... However, if it is tolerable (?!#%)...just ignore it. I guess you have to ask urself whether u can go on with his lies. My advice is, dont lie back because no relationship last on lies, and that makes both of you equal!!! Certainly u want to be the upper hand, right? Gooooood luck.

Answer 19

No sweetie, he won't learn. He's simply a liar and you will always have to decide and wonder whether what he's telling you is the truth or not. Every lie he tells you disrespects you, and your relationship with each other.



I'd suggest counseling for him solo, as well as you two as a couple, and perhaps a professional can help him understand why he lies and start to turn things around. I sure wouldn't want his karma...

Answer 20

When a man lies to his wife, it shows a lack of trust in the relationship. How far can you really go if you don't have trust? He shouldn't worry about your reaction as long as he tells you the truth, and you can deal with the fallout later. Tell him to remember-trust-truth-fallout.

Answer 21

I am sensing an issue in you with your post. You say your hubby is a great guy. He may not be totally honest because you OVER react. Take a look at this and make appropriate adjustments.

Answer 22

Go to counseling. Lieing is bad, especially in a relationship because than he'll just keep lieing and u'll never now if he is telling the truth.

Answer 23

I think the two of you may need some help with this.



He has to be made to understand how damaging it is to you and to your marriage when he lies... big lies or little lies... either way, it's not good.

Answer 24

how "loving" can he be if he doesn't respect you enough to tell the truth? and then he justifies it by blaming you, as in "I lied because of the way you'd react?"



He's a coward who lies because he has something to hide. Get out now.

Answer 25

"LIE-ING" IS A DISEASE......IT BOILS MY BLOOD WHEN I FIND OUT THAT A LONG TIME FRIEND HAS LIED TO ME SO MUCH...ITS AS IF OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WAS A LIE.....EVENTUALLY THESE TYPE OF PEOPLE ARE "FOUND OUT" YOU'LL REALIZE THAT THEY HAVE HAD PAST FRIENDS OR EX-LOVERS WHO ARE NO LONGER AFFILIATED WITH THEM SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THEIR "LIE-ING" PROBLEM....THESE PROBLEMS ARE SOMETIMES IDENTIFIED AS "PATHOLOGICAL LIE-ING" OR "COMPULSIVE LIE-ING"



MANY EX-FRIENDS HAVE HAD THIS PROBLEM....THE SAD PART IS THAT THEY WILL LIE ABOUT THINGS THAT DONT MATTER...LIKE THE CITY THEY WERE BORN IN.....OR WHETHER THAT PEN THEY ARE USING IS BLUE WHEN ITS ACTUALLY BLACK...GET THE FLOW???..IN ANY CASE THIS IS NO EXCUSE.....AND THEY NEED HELP....SO U SHOULD SAY GOOD BYE....HOWEVER IF UR "LOVE" IS STRONG AND U WANNA STICK IT OUT WITH HIM TO THE END...THEN U SHOULD BE THE CHANGE IN HIS LIFE...GET HIM HELP AND COUNSELING...CHANCES ARE HIS FAMILY KNOW'S ABOUT IT TOO....DID I HEAR INTERVENTION?



Source(s):

SOME SERIOUS PAST BULL **** OF EXPERIENCE

Answer 26

talk to him about it tell him u have a a really big problem with his lies warn him !

Answer 27

things normally get worse after a child is in the picture.

Answer 28

Kick him out if he lied to you once he always will he has a bad habit thats hard to break

Answer 29

Depending on how old you both are, he may or may not grow up. Guys 30 and under are often immature and will regret it later. Give him some time I'd say.

Answer 30

Accept it or move on.

Answer 31

divorce him, or start lying to him right back