when will I get over my Husband leaving me and our 3 children?

Question

Long story short, Been with my Husband 9years, happily married for 4, have 3 beautiful children. Out of the blue he leaves last October (9 mths ago) 2 weeks before our sons 1st birthday. He couldn't give me a reason why, I tried to get him to open up, go to counselling to figure out why, but he wouldn't. I went myself in the hope it would help me understand, it didn't. All he ever said was that he Loves me, but isn't in love anymore, he had felt that way for 8 weeks b4 he left. Apparently I was a great wife and mother, but he couldn't understand it himself. I don't get why there was no effort to save something that was once so good!!! The pain I went through was unbearable!!
Since he left I have picked up all the pieces he broke, comforted the kids (he never asked about them, asked how they were coping) My kids had nightmares, cried and even started wetting the beds. I sorted out all the bills, packed his stuff, filed for divorce after 3 mths, since he still wasn't interested in trying and had said he was happy to divorce.
I have kept everything fair, everything is split 50-50 as I don't want to be vindictive and in the future I want to be able to say I did the right thing. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I screwed him over. He doesn't even have to pay for the divorce as I made sure I got legal aid.
Life has been a struggle!!! It's been soo hard at times, all I ever wanted was a family and now it's been torn apart and I still don't know why.
I am dating someone who is lovely, loves the kids and my children think he is ace. My Bf makes me feel like I am worth something after all and our relationship is very good. Divorce will be finalised soon, soon to be ex hasn't fought it all. Doesn't seem bothered, that stings.
I know I'm probably gonna sound jealous (probably am), but I'm annoyed that since he left he has shown no remorse or even guilt. He has a new job, working less hours and a new girlfriend, whom he has told the kids he loves, he introduced them to her after only seeing her a couple of weeks! That was hard knowing the kids where having fun with her, but I know I have to get used to it, and as long as the kids are happy I am okay with it. I am just sick of his live affecting me, why do I let it? I'm worried the kids will bond with this woman for him to only do to her what he did to us. I don't want them to have that sense of loss again.
I don't 'get' the new relationship, she has 2 kids by 2 different dads, people have told me that she is really rough (swears all the time), her family have been in trouble with the police through drugs and drink. The house is filty etc... I didn't know why he left everything and then went slumming it with her. In a way I'm relieved she isn't super fantastic, wouldn't want to feel any lower that want I did. But I just don't understand him anymore and most likely never will. I want to be happy with my new guy, he is perfect for me, but my resent towards my soon-to-ex is holding me back. My relationship has been difficult at times to adjust to, it's hard to date with 3 children. Why is everything soo easy for the ex? He doesn't have a care in the world and seems to like the broken family and the prospect of bringing up 2 kids that ain't his. It hurts that he isn't around for his own 3!! He sees them 1 day a week and that's it, never asks for extra visits, never calls after school. 6 days a week they don't exist to him.
I don't want him back, because looking back now I can see I deserve so much better than him as do the children. he got his wife and kids then lost interest, didnt nuture either relationship, didn't play with the kids, he was just lazy and boring. Glad he is someone else's problem now. But me and the kids still hurt (even though we are better off in a way). When do you get over it, I don't want to carry this resentment around forever!!! I make an effort to be nice to him, sometimes he is nasty, which annoys me, because I think why should I make ALL the effort to make what you did okay?!?!?!
I hate this whole situation, life was simple and good and now it's just full of complications, I hope in time the kids and I will be settled soon, please god I hope so. I have strived to live a happy fufilling life and hope we all still can.
Just feel like life for him shouldn't be so easy, don't get me wrong I want him to be happy, our reltionship would never work if we tried again, I would never trust him to stay or trust the reason for wanting to come back. He was the love of my life, I sacrified so much for him and loved him deeply and truly. I feel like a sucker! Despite his faults I loved him, he didn't love me even though he said he did, he lied and strung me along, seems like our life and marriage together never meant anything to him, my past life seems like a lie that 3 innocent

Answer 1

You are a strong, good lady. Who knows what was or is going through your ex-husbands mind? He's an idiot. It does however strike me that he is having some kind of mid-life crisis and wants all the things that a single man has without any real responsibility. Sadly, that isn't rare and ultimately he will be the one who loses out the most. But that is not your problem.



All I can say is it is all still very new and raw for you. Don't concern or involve yourself with him or his new life. You are right you deserve, and will get, better in due course. Just keep doing what you are doing; it WILL get easier for you and your children.



Best of luck.

Answer 2

If you are doing any of these things, you have to stop right now. Because if you're asking, "What can I do to get my ex back," all of the above mistakes will not do it, so stop doing these things immediately!



So then, what should I be doing to get my ex boyfriend back, you ask? Here are some helpful tips for you to follow that actually work https://tr.im/IZvWF



You have to stop whatever you've been doing. It obviously didn't work, and if you were making the mistakes I mentioned above, then you really need to stop and take a step back. It's time for a fresh approach. You have to break complete contact with him, at least for a while. If you really like him, I know this is going to be difficult, but you have to do it. You can't communicate with him in any way. So, no texting, no IM'ing, no anything. You have to go "cold turkey" in a sense. You can consider this "you time" where you work on yourself. You have to work on improving your life instead of focusing your attention on your failed relationship. This will be probably be a difficult time for you, and it's going to feel almost impossible to not call him, but you'll need to stay disciplined so that you don't revert back to your old ways. Just remember that what you were doing wasn't working. You're trying something new.

Answer 3

Wow that is a real bummer, my true sympathies, I feel sorry for you.



"When do you get over it, I don't want to carry this resentment around forever!!! "



Natural to be in shock and resentment, depression for a while, so accept it for a while. Best thing is to allow yourself a certain amount of time, say a year and a day, to be depressed and feel the pain, wallow in it, let yourself go, and then after that, get yourself back! - read books to help you cultivate forgiveness - for your sake not his!- turn depression into renewal, and make of your new life everything you want it to be.



Good luck.

Answer 4

When you let it go if you keep looking back you cannot move forward. Focus on your kids and their future I smile at my ex husband every time he see's the kids and grumble when they are not around. I have to teach them how to deal with things by my example if I dont cope they don't either.

It has been two years now and I am HAPPY.

Answer 5

I had a perfect relationship with my ex-Partner and we had a child together. Next thing, she was pregnant to another guy and having a shotgun wedding. 2 years later, I realise im much, much better off. Get into shape, get in social stuff and do heaps of things with your kids. Someone great will come along and you will never look back. Trust me...

Answer 6

There is no way of knowing, you will probably start going through the psychological stages of loss (grief)... look them up to give you a clue but generally there is no knowing because some people get stuck on stages and/or spend longer on some stages than others.

Answer 7

The Man you are with is the Man for you,you and your Children are supposed to be with him.Thank God your not with their Father he was not good enough for you or your Children,look where he ran somewhere he had nothing to prove, live up to or even strive for.Someday you will see the woods for the trees and be very grateful for what you have,lol, so sit back relax and enjoy what you have got.

let your X enjoy what he has got and put it behind you where it deserves to be.

Answer 8

now ..look forward ..dont look back.. he out now keep it that way.. but as for your heart ..it will mend soon..but you must let go of your anger.inside of you...yes its so easy if you want to.. ...find a place that only you .know.. and just get it out of u...just yell.it out ..you will see my point of view if you do it.. good luck.. ..

Answer 9

you'll get over it when you are both mature enough to act like adults with your responsibilities...