he's still looking at porn?

Question

i've asked a ciuple of q's y my husband looks at porn and i giot answers so far i tried to talk to him and do things for ive done them and now hes still looking at porn he says hell never do it again and he still does we are now seperated and i still love him but i don't condone porn and i hate it. weve been through talking therapy, fantasy fullfilling everything nothing worked so i need some help on what to do i think i made a mistake seperating, but i don't feel i should get disrespected and hurt everytime i found out about it i really believed he wouldn't do it he said he promised. he told me hes not a good communicator but i tried to do everything that the other people said and nothing worked. the only real thing to do is be okay with looking at porn which im not so that won't change. i truly and really believe its now me if i dressed up for him and i thought it worked but i guess it didn't so now what? im seperated need help and he doesn't want to talk anymore

Answer 1

Maybe a compromise would be making some porn with you and him as the stars? That way he has something to look at should the need arise, but you know it's only you he's staring at sexually.

Answer 2

I don't think porn is a big deal, done together it can spice things up and be fun. However he seems obsessed, almost addicted to it. The problem with that is no matter how much you tell him its hurting you and making you feel disrespected he's probably not going to quit. It's like the alcoholic who knows while he/she is hurting the family always says "i'll quit drinking tomorrow" they never do. Look into a therapist that specializes with sex addiction. Good luck...





Rieva...I don't think porn is the same as cheating, honestly...Some people are secure enough it doesn't bother them, and for some its an activity they like to share as a couple. Honestly in your situation, I don't think he does it to be intentially hurtful to you, I think its more obsession/addiction and you'd both be better off finding a therapist who deals with sex addictions. Theres no reason for you get snarky with other members on this board. I know for you, it's hurtful, I don't condone what he's doing, but again you don't have to get pissy with people who are trying to help. Again, best of luck.

Answer 3

What is advertising?

Who is featured in advertising?

What is promoted in ads?

Where's the money?

How much porn is on the net?

Who is doing porn?

Why is there so much of it if it is not human nature?

Why are so many women wondering why their husbands are looking at porn?

Anyone one connecting the dots? Anyone getting a clue?

Once again, if you think this is not correct reasoning, follow the money. Just look at the advertisements. Look at what's being advertised on the Internet.

I'm curious if you knew your husband looked at porn while you were dating.

He is not going to change. He likes looking at beautiful nude women.

Check out scupltures. Paintings. Drawings. Huuummmm, Uuuuhhhh, people have looked at beautiful bodies for a looooong time.

So now you need to find someone that does not like looking at beautiful nude bodies. Good Luck.

Answer 4

The fact is that HE is wrong, not you...you have the right frame of mind, he doesnt...the problem is that sex is publicized and in your face that sometimes its hard to see it from the respectable partners point of view...you are his wife and as your husband, there is no reason that he should be committing adultery with his eyes and mind which is essentially what porn is all about, its optical adultery...the fact that he is not willing to budge does not mean that you have to give in and give up your morals to please him just because he wants to throw a hissy fit and act like a 5 year old...the fact is that adultery is grounds for divorce, porn does nothing but make people more open to things they wouldnt normally do and that includes infidelity, i dont condone divorce nor do i recommend it except by what the bible says but it looks like he wants the control in this matter, the fact that his porn is more important than his wife is ludicrous but it is a decision he has made depending on how you feel about this you can continue to stick it out and hope that he will crumble or find someone who has your same morals..Good Luck Sister :-)

Answer 5

I had this exact problem before I even married my husband. We even had a couple fights over it and it made me mad everytime I saw videos downloaded on his computer. Most women get offended by this male behavior because they feel like they don't turn their men on anymore or that their lover isn't attracted to them anymore like they used to be.....or that they think its a type of "cheating"...but I dont think thats it. My conclusion is quite simple.....men have been watching porn since give or take the age of 12-13? ...its something that they're simply used to and something that they can get some relief from other than having real sex. Unlike men....most women don't ALWAYS ..24/7 want to have sex ..so it actually benefits you...that he can still get what he needs through a computer monitor or tv screen. Be a little open-minded and it won't be so upsetting anymore.....

Answer 6

Whats the big deal with porn? I'd MUCH rather have my guy look at porn that go to a strip club. My husband isnt really into either, but he will sit with the victoria's secret catalog (which I honestly feel is worse because those girls are stunning- unlike the nasty porn trash).



Guys look at porn because guys are visual beings. If he is with YOU then who cares? Maybe you should try some therapy to feel better about yourself. If you were secure in yourself you wouldnt feel threatened by pictures. Him looking isnt disrespecting you at all- its just a picture!

Answer 7

Alot of couples watch it together, depending on how... graphic it is, that might not be a bad idea for you guys. Since you guys are separated, you could see if you could handle it on your own. If you love him and the porn is the only issue, not cheating or anything else, then work with him, stop being so against it....thats the only thing i can advise you to do... Hope it helps. If you keep looking at it like it is stealing him from you, this will never work...

Answer 8

You shouldn't call people dumb because they don't mind that their husbands watch porn. If anything you should be at least listening to the woman who are not separated and not crying their eyes out because they are not with the man they love. If he is just watching it occastionally you need to get over it, its not about you its about him. If he is watching it constantly then he has a problem and needs counselling. But you have to decide if you want to be "right" and miserable, or happy.

Answer 9

Get over it already all men look at porn..My husband is a hugh sports fan and goes to a ton of sports websites but once in awhile he has gone to a porn site and it doesnt bother me at all cause im NOT against porn in fact i have gone to a few sites myself in the past...He is 43 and im 39.

Answer 10

His porn issue has nothing to do with you and stop trying to meet up with his standards. He has a porn addiction(not uncommon by the way) and an addiction to porn is the same as an addiction to drugs or alcohol, and often just as damaging. You have no business staying in a marriage like that, and if he doesn't want to change for himself he will NEVER change for you. Move on with your life and make healthier decisions for yourself.

Answer 11

You know I have to be honest with you, I did not even read all your question , I don't have to, because I can see by your opening statement ,HE STILL LOOKS AT PORN?



Everybody all wants to find fault in someone else, forgetting that they have wrong doings to, the question is, are you loving them through their faults. Or are you just perfect?



I mean this lovingly

Answer 12

I dont think you are ever going to find a guy that doesnt look at porn or dirty magazines. If he tells you he doesnt look he's lying. I think you should just get over the fact that he looks. If he's fulfilling his fantacies by looking at porn and having a relationship with you , be thankful that hes not out slutting around!

Answer 13

If you decide to go back with this guy, please don't have kids. They will have to suffer through this torn marriage if you do. It sucks to be lonely I know, but how much worse will it be for the children when you come to realize that you made a mistake? couples who screw up their relationship and have kids, screws kids up well beyond their 20's. Do not listen to any idiot that tells you to change your moral standpoints. Its sad to know that someone who supposedly loves you would not dedicate their life to you. I don't know how spiritual you are, but maybe this is "life" trying to tell you to move on.

Answer 14

Honey, he's not gonna stop--its a GUY THING. It truly has nothing to DO with you.

If you can't deal with it, you should divorce him.



But know this--the men who DON'T enjoy porn occasionally are VERY VERY few!

So if you don't make peace with porn, get ready for a long, lonely life.



Honestly, as a woman, I can't understand why its such a huge DEAL to some women--it baffles me!

Answer 15

girl go get your man and just try to look at the movie with him and he might be looking at the movie to learn something new for him to try with you to keep it exciting in the bedroom good luck

Answer 16

You can't change the guy, All you could do is change your reaction. Maybe all your nagging has turned him away. Find another guy who's happy not looking at the stuff.

Answer 17

There is nothing wrong with looking at porn! If he functions in life and likes to get excited by watching sex what is wrong with that? It is fantasy and you forbidding it makes him want to peak more. He hides it because you are a prude about it but I don't feel he is doing anything wrong, he is appealing to his inner voyeur. Why can't you just let him have that? Why is it okay that your dislike of it overrides his wanting it?

Answer 18

You need to change, not him. You need to accept that he looks at porn. It is not cheating.



And...him looking at porn is not a reflection of how he views you, what he wants or who he wants. Even men married to the women in the porn, models, celebrities, etc...look at porn.



Try watching some porn alone a few times. Eventually you will find that it turns you on. Masturbate while you watch it.

Answer 19

in porn, those girls are fvkcing other guys or girls or themselves....BUT NOT YOUR HUSBAND. he's not sleeping with anyone else or he wouldn't have the porn.

Answer 20

women get over it !! men look at porn!! so alot of women !! try watching with him you might find you like it too

Answer 21

just let him look at porn. he is going to do it anyway.

Answer 22

As poorly as you spell your lucky to have him anyway. Let him look at porn.

Answer 23

You have to get over it, thats what guys do.