Don't you consider this abusive behavior?

Question

Okay, my husband of 17 years is always accusing me of cheating (fyi... I'm attractive and he's not). Any way... he finds a receipt in the street by my car, with some Corona's on it and thinks it's mine! So he accused of me going to a bar with someone basically. He kept me up all night until 2:00 A.M and I had to get up at 6:00 am. He was questioning me, calling me names, and turning up the TV loud, sitting on me, yelling in my face to tell him the truth. At this point... I really hate him. I want out! I can't stand him any more! His behavior isn't normal, it's weird and I think he needs psychological help. I’m a good person and I have never cheated, it’s not in my nature. I can’t take it any more though. We have a house we just bought 2 years ago, which I can’t afford by myself. Any advice?

Answer 1

One of the things I have observed in life is that a person can only trust another as far as they can trust themselves. This may mean that he has, or has at least thought about, straying or leaving. His fears of you leaving him are driving him nuts. He has low self esteem.



In truth, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. You can only take good care of yourself. You might want to talk to an objective professional before you make any rash decisions. Good luck. I think you deserve better treatment....so please treat yourself well.

Answer 2

You sound completely full of youreslf. You're attractive but he isn't? Get real lady. You can't classify every argument as abuse. You're just itching for an excuse to bail. If you committed for life then get counseling. It sounds like you need some therapy as well.



UPADTE:



And by the way - it's "granted" not "granite". I'm still not buying it honey. Sorry. NO ONE is perfect in a marriage. You signed up for life. So get counseling - dont try to find a way out. Just because you have a jealous husband does not mean he's abusive or that you should divorce him. You mentioned you deserve better - well that's fantastic but I'm sure he's feeling the same way. I dont buy for 1 second that you are 100% perfect and innocent. There are two stories to every situation. We're only hearing yours.

Answer 3

Yes this is abusive behavior...I was with a control freak for 17 years ( 13-30yrs old) and have two great kids but the emotional abuse was way too much and now I have been away from him for 11 years and I couldn't be happier I married the best man and he never not even once tells me what to do or where to go or what time to come home I feel free. The best part of this is my ex is with some one else and he has not changed a bit the girl he is with wanted him when I had him well be careful with what you wish for :) The house is just materialistic not worth your sanity. Living in an apartment with your freedom is worth so much more...

Answer 4

It sounds like you already know the answer to your question. However, you are only seeing half of it. Because you are married, it is not that "He" needs help. It should be "We" need help. Even if it turns out these are issues that he has concocted in his own mind, the best thing you can do as his spouse is "try" to help. He is definitely wrong to accuse you of something you did not do, and no spouse should abuse the other ....EVER. But there may be some insecurities involved, and there may be a few things you can do to help him. But you have to want to. Like everyone else here, I say seek counseling, but not just for him. For you as well, because from what you say you have been dealing with this for a long time.

Answer 5

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think it's slightly your fault. "I'm attractive and he's not". What kind of thing is that to say about your husband? If you're in a relationship with him you should find him attractive and make him feel wanted and make him feel like you actually love him. My advice to you is to look deep within yourself and ask yourself why you married him in the first place if you weren't attracted to him, if you discover that you truly care about him then you need to look at what you've been doing to cause him to feel like you've been cheating on him. Late nights out with the "girls"? Working late? If you really care about him try to modify your behavior slightly, and show a bit more interest in him and see how things go. If you find that you dont want to be with him, sit him down and tell him that his behavior is driving you insane and that you want to sell the house and get a divorce. There's nothing more to the situation. Good luck.

Answer 6

You're funny, and you're absolutely right. Talk to a lawyer first before you put your house up for sale. If you can't afford it on your own, it's your only option. Why struggle just to hold on to a house. It will make you miserable. Two years should have earned you some equity, but of course, any profit you'd have to split with him. Oh well, small price to pay in my opinion.



Your husband is insecure cause he's ugly inside and out and you're not. You can always go find someone better, and he'd just have to settle for someone else.

Answer 7

Sounds like you already knew the answer to the question before you asked it. So basically you want advice. Since you can't afford to make the house payment by yourself, leave and if you choose to divorce him, then make sure you get half of all assets. States have different laws, and I'm not sure what state you are in, but if it applies then go for it.

Answer 8

Yes it is abusive behavior. While getting help to afford the house might take some legal work with the lawyers in a divorce settlement you might be able to get what you feel you deserve from this long relationship.

Answer 9

ok well what you should do is while you are at work and not busy or on your brake you should start looking for an apartment. but since you all stay together, as much as possible try not to argue with him, just basically keep your space with him. then you start ignoring him and then he is going to be curious and then want you more. but once you find you a place to stay then start your life over again. MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET DIVORCE PAPERS!!!

Answer 10

If you want to stay with him, you both need counseling, fast.



If not, then find a divorce attorney and begin process of separating from your husband. It is very important that you find someone that specializes in divorce and that you don't wait to do it.



If your husband has as many problems as you say, he will probably try to make this very hard on you. Just stick to your guns and get the best attorney you can afford.

Answer 11

It is abusive behavior. I would advise the two of you to get counseling. If he refuses and the behavior continues, you should consider leaving. Have you ever thought, he accuses you of cheating because he is guilty of it himself? If you decide to leave, I would advise that you don't tell him because there is no telling what he would do. But in the meantime pray and get into counseling.

Answer 12

What kind of a bar did he think you went to where they give you a receipt for Coronas? It sounds like the two of you need to go talk to a counselor and get your differences ironed out. It sounds like you might have a little ego problem, "I'm attractive and he's not."

Answer 13

I would consider this abuse. If you can't afford the house move out to some place you can afford. Life is too short to be miserable.



p.s. Some times the person who is cheating acuses their spouse of cheating not sure why maybe guilt or thinking if there are getting by with something maybe you are too.

Answer 14

U know this is abusive. So what about the house if you have children you know what you need to do. Being a little jealous and asking some question is OK but all that drama I want out for you. My advise keep it moving (to the left to the left)

Answer 15

Counseling would be best, but if he gets physical again- make sure you have a place to go and get away from him. Do not hesitate to call the police.



Praying would probably help a great deal.

Answer 16

He is insecured. You need to say things to make him feel secured. You need to tell him that you love him only and have no thinking of cheating. Also after 17 years, if you will cheat on him, you won't have to wait until 17 years and still be stuck with him. So tell him that is he loves you, he got to trust you too.

Answer 17

That is abusive behavior and then some! You need to seriously consider whether this is even someone you want to continue to be married to-- let's put it this way if he doesn't get help and soon, I'd be out of there, who wants to live like with a insecure, jealous, paranoid person?

Answer 18

OK i know your feeling i have been going through it for 11 years also it sucks i would say its abuse mental i think is worse it just sticks me and my husband have split up 3 times and every time i get i am sorry its me not you girl i feel for you it sucks hope every thing works out for you

Answer 19

I would try counseling. But, maybe he is accusing you of cheating because he is feeling guilty my ex used to do that to me all the time accuse me of cheating when he was the one who was running around.

Answer 20

You guys should go to couples counseling first, to build up trust, because it's obvious he doesn't trust you. If that doesn't work after a year, try to make things work or get a divorce.

Answer 21

Yeah that is abuse. He isn't physically leaving bruises on u but it is abuse. u need to talk to him and tell him what he is doin to this marriage. And the house situation is difficult. Thats something u gotta talk to a lawyer about if u are serious on leaving him. There is away though. good luck.

Answer 22

Get a divorce, sell the house and split the difference. He is definitely not stable and is verbally attacking you; I would hate him to.

Answer 23

Abuse,assult,kidnapping, and alot more, just leave!!He has a problem,and he is ging to make it yours!!!!!!!! Had a wife like that once up on a time!!! Later found out SHE was having the affair!! And just deflecting her guilt and anger to me!! (by the way she's on hubby #7 now)!!

Answer 24

I say your Husband is very insecure with his self.I say yes he was verbally abusive to you .Sitting on you is abuse also.He was restraining you from going anywhere.You can sell the house and if there is any money left split it between the 2 of you.

Answer 25

tell ur hisband to go to counseling with you. theres some obvious deep rooted issues there and it woudl be beneficial for you two to go and have it hammered out. i think if u go to counseling u have a shot at saving this relationship.



if not then move ur stuff into a nother room of the house and ignore him til u can figure out what to do next. good luck!

Answer 26

Leave him and the house. You don't have to put up with being treated like that.

Answer 27

You will have to explain why he is not trusting of you. Some people don't cheat, but they try to make their mates believe they do, for some strange reason or the other.

Answer 28

That's abusive. He's probably so insecure that your sexy and he's ugly that he thinks that someone is gonna take you away from him. Alot people feel that way, but he's over reacting. I would get out of that situation before it gets worse. He will NEVER change!!!!!!

Answer 29

If u plan on leaving tell him he can have it.Dont set yourself up 4 a struggle

Answer 30

Tell him he needs to attend counseling with you or you're leaving.



You have to get this behavior under control and FAST or this relationship is headed for disaster.

Answer 31

Give himthe boot, he is wacko, but you might have to move out and find you an apartment until you can get your money up.

Answer 32

Tell him that if he won't go to marriage counseling with you then you will divorce him and you'll have to sell the house. If he loves you and doesn't want to lose you he will go to therapy. Good luck.

Answer 33

Get him some counseling then leave...your gut is telling this isn't right and you need to listen to it. That is abuse hun, anything unwanted is technically abuse!



GOOD LUCK! BE SAFE!

Answer 34

Are you freaking kidding me? This S.O.B needs someone to kick his ***. His behavior shows his insecure thoughts getting the best of him, but thats not your fault its his.



Get out Today!!! Good luck.

Answer 35

yes, that is strange behavior,if you really want out you should do it,it doesnt matter if you just bought a home,split it and leave.

Answer 36

Do you own a handgun? Make sure he can't get to it.



Run away fast!



Old Guy

Answer 37

Absolutely this is abuse. I say move out & leave him to pay the mortgage himself.

Answer 38

Yes that is abusive, He needs to seek professional help.

Answer 39

wow, sounds like he is very insecure. maybe you guys could try counseling. he probably needs some for himself though

Answer 40

make him look for help but...don't forget that is bigger than your fears, your strength is greater than your doubts, and if your mind is confused, remember that your heart always have the answer... take care'

Answer 41

You are married to a child. Tell him I said so.

Answer 42

Sounds like he is just a step away from physical abuse...

Answer 43

Maybe some counseling for both of you would help.

Answer 44

i am the very last person who should dole out advice about abuse

Answer 45

all you can do is pray for him. tell him the truth. maybe if you swore on your relationship or somoething that might ease him. im sorry about your problem.

Answer 46

just like u said, he needs help

Answer 47

He is weird! Run as fast as you can!

Answer 48

get out nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Answer 49

yes it is i would leave

Answer 50

yes this is abusive, leave him

Answer 51

FAMILY THERAPIST if that dont work, DIVORCE

Answer 52

leave