3 TEENagers I'm so Stressed?

Question

I have 3 teenagers and I'm so stressed right now. I have two girls (15) and (16 almost) and (15) year old son. The (15) year olds are twins.

I should start from oldest to youngest. My daughter thinks she should be in control of everything and fights with me on everything she tries to rebel against everything I say. I caught her smoking pot. Well no she came home high off her @SS and that's how I found out. And she told me while she was high that she's been having unprotected sex and that she doesn't care what any one thinks. So I grounded her for the summer and I asked her why she would be doing this. Because she's a straight A student 4.0 honor student. And I just don't understand why. She told me that the sex and getting high was her way of escaping our high expectations’ of her that she thinks she can't live up to.

My 15 year old daughter has been sneaking around with this guy we banned her from dating because he cheated on her and we don't want her to get hurt again. But apparently she been sneaking around with him and lying to me about were she has been. And having her brother and sister cover for her. And I'm mad she lied to me. So she grounded for at least 2 weeks and I defiantly don't want her hanging around that guy again

To my 15 year old son I caught him watching porn and masturbating. I also found all of these condoms in his room. He has a girlfriend and he told me that he been confused about all of these emotions was feeling and that the porn was helping him keep control around his girlfriend and all other girls he said he had condoms just in case he did something stupid.

They are all mad at me and its starting to stress me

My husband just went to china for a business trip and he's going to be gone for the next month. And I don't know what to do.

Could you please help me and give me your assessment of each situation.

And what should I do?

Answer 1

Get into some serious family counseling..

Answer 2

Your children are normal teenagers. They will almost all try pot, sex and porn at one point, it's not the end of the world. You should be grateful that the 3 of them have been willing to share with you what's on their mind. Most kids at that age would not tell their mom why they watch porn or why they've been having sex.



Daughter 1: I believe you need exterior help with that one. Make an appointment with a youth psychologist and take her there each week. She's not trying pot, she's using it as a reliever and same with sex. Maybe it's because of your high expectations or maybe not. She said that because she got caught, something else may be hiding behind.



Daughter 2: Well daughter number 1 has been defying your authority so why not her. She's not using drugs as far as you know, she's just infatuated with the wrong boy. Let her learn her lesson on her own. You can't protect your daughter from a cheating man, not at 15 and not at 30. She'll discover on her own that cheating men or boys don't change. You can't keep your children from having broken hearts. The lying, using her siblings and sneaking is bad though. That deserves a time out. As for the boy...let her see him. Let her discover on her own he's a lying cheating jerk.



Your son: Boys will be boys. Your dad had porn magazines under his mattress when he was a teenagers and nowadays our boys have Internet. Are you really worrying about masturbation? ..well can't fight that one eh! it's as normal as it can get. I would not worry about your son.



Last of all. I believe it's harder for kids to do stupid stuff when they feel close to their parents. About your establishing family nights at home. You and the kids movie nights, game nights, golf nights whatever. How about all of you go camping for a few days. etc.



Hang in there, it's all a phase. You're daughter number 1 is a concern though. Get on that.



Good luck.

Answer 3

Ok to Kissable...it IS possible that she has 3 15 yr olds if 2 are twins and the other is not. It takes 9 months for a pregnancy NOT 12 months so there could be an overlap.

Anyway a 15 yr old boy, porn and masturbating.....I wouldn't worry about that. That is totally normal. I'd be horrified catching him but it's still normal.

The girl you told to stop seeing the ex b/c he cheated. You should punish her for sneaking around BUT then you should invite him over and let them start seeing each other again. All you are doing by forbidding it is pushing her to him. Ease up and she will see what a jerk he is instead of acting like you are the bad guy.

The other girl you should probably start taking to talk to a counselor. Don't put her on meds. She just needs an unbiased person to talk to to get out her worries, fears, concerns to and I think you'll see a marked improvement with her.

Answer 4

First of all, the eldest one has the biggest problem. Maybe your putting her under too much stress? Having to do her exams, and all, that probably doesn't help. What does she want to work as when she's older? Give some examples of this job, and tell her if she comes into work or college or even school off her head on pot, then she wont get to be that.



The other twin is involved in a stupid teenage love. Let her see him. But just explain to her the consequences, and that if she gets hurt again, you don't want her coming running back to you and you picking up the pieces.



As for your son.. he's being a simple teenage boy! Eleven year olds are watching porn nowadays, so for him to put it on hold for an extra four years, etliest appreciate him for that.



Isn't it weird how all three of your children are 15? You can't have 3 kids in the space of a year, as it takes 9 months for the pregnancy..



Don't come on yahoo lying. It's sad. Thanks for the two points though!

Answer 5

The 16 year old has a point, if you EXPECT her to be a 4.0 honor student and a perfect kid then you're reaping what you sow there. Chances are if she's capable of 4.0 then she would have done ok without your pressure. Secondly to try to protect a kid from being hurt by someone who "cheated on them" is ridiculous. You can't be there to protect them forever so stop sheltering her so much and let her understand that life is pain sometimes otherwise she will have major problems growing into a mature woman. The boy, will you're way overreacting on that. I can see you being upset about porn, but condoms and masturbation are nothing to freak out about. It's better that he's at least thinking about it and trying to do things to prevent it, and protect himself if he fails than to just do it unprotected and make you a grandma before he's even out of HS. Relax and stop micromanaging these poor kids.

Answer 6

I would offer that you are reaping what you have sowed. Without setting limits on your kids when they were younger - they now have no limits at all.

This is the only way this happens.

And it is the nature of this post-relativistic society. You give the kids what they want to shut them up and you see it as loving. They don't. They never did. All they ever saw was that the parent's are able to be manipulated.

Guess what? You can't go back. You have made them who they are today.

If you try to set limits now, all you're going to get is laughter!

You can yell and you can ground all you want. Since you never did it when they were little - all you are now is a hypocrite!



The only answer is that you need to set boundaries that THEY agree to. Anything that you try to enforce will be tossed in the trash.

Answer 7

I now what you mean I have three myself but all boys. My eldest is a tad pompous and talks like he has been on the planet for 100 years not 22. My middle acts like I'm the demon b*tch from hell if I kick him off the computer because he's getting square after 5 hours straight. My youngest says he should be allowed to do the same as his older brothers and packs a sad when I tell him he'll have to wait.

My eldest is now hanging with some so called decent kids who in all reality are mere druggies, but the mother allows it in her home, plus she's a dope fiend herself. I had to go over and give her a good talking to, so that put paid to her social standing..Lol

All you can do is stand your ground and take no S*it, and as for your tell him you need help with this even if you have to call their Father in China, he needs to give you backing.

It's your house and your rules, don't get stressed though just tell it like it is, and if they don't like it tough luck.

Good luck and don't worry it will pass.

Answer 8

All of this did not happen overnight.. It would appear that this has all been building up for a while now. You are going to be in need of help in one way or another. They are taking advantage of you and looking for weaknesses. You are going to have to start somewhere. Some sort of acceptance of responsibilities on their part is a beginning but it needs to advance from there. They just need to start thinking about what course their actions are going to take them.