i am married and we decided to have a child she went behind my back and?

Question

me and her are married im 29yrs old we wanted another child , she got pregnant and then went to her mothers and had a abortion behind my back and lied and said it was a miscarriage...i can't get over it i love her but it makes me sick ...we been separated for almost a year should i just file divorce and get this over with?

Answer 1

i guess you should just get it over with since its almost a year and move along. for her to lie and get a abortion that is something that is most unforgiving. she doesnt consider your relationship anymore.

Answer 2

Something about her behavior was wrong. I would think and believe that she may have been pregnant with another mans child and that is why she aborted it! A married woman that is suppose to be in love with her husband and wanted to have a second child just does not do such a thing without reason. I feel she was lying and hidding something more than she will ever come forward and tell you. You both have been separated for a year now .....if marriage counseling cannot mend this and you cannot get over things and it all makes you sick .....then the best thing for you would be to file for a divorce. After this amount of time you must make the choice to forgive her or move on with your life sweetie. Good luck.

Answer 3

This is a very tough circumstance, I'd like to say that although I am a Pro Choice , I also believe that there should be a law protecting the fathers of the still fetus from being aborted who wants to keep the baby even when the mothers don't want to. I mean, it is a women body but it should be both persons involved in the decision, even more if they're married. So I understand the way you feel, now having said that....if you think you can't forgive your wife and you'll never get over it you should file for a divorce, I'm sure your wife had a very good reason why she did that....but when you're married you're in a team, and it's a two people decision, she acted on a very selfish way.

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to get divorced. There is no trust in your marriage. In most states a married women cannot even get her tubes tied unless her husband agrees to. And your wife had an abortion, File the papers, Did you ever think that the kid may not have been yours? or she got an medical problem? whatever she should trust you to tell you why she does not want to have a baby... Too many lies, what else does she lie about... I'm a women trust me there is not real reason to this unless she trying to hide something or is just pain nasty.

Answer 5

Only if you think you can't get over this. And since we do not know the future, the best thing for you to do is to forgive her for what she has done.



I know what she done was wrong. She should not have had an abortion and lie to you about it being a miscarriage. Have you thought about the reason why she would lie to you? is she afraid of voicing her opinion of having other children or on any other major issue she may have in the marriage?



Before you do something that you may regret later, the two of you will have to get serious about your marriage and respect the vows that you made to one another.

Answer 6

It sounds like YOU were the one who wanted another child. It doesn't sound like she really wanted another one. Or were you separated at the time she had the abortion?



I just have a feeling there is more to this story than what you're sharing.



Contrary to the opinion of some people, most women do not lightly decide to terminate a pregnancy. Have you actually discussed this with her and asked her why?



I think you need to mutually decide on the next step. If you both want to stay together, then you both definitely need counseling. If one of you wants out, you may as well get the ball rolling.

Answer 7

Dont divorce yet. Communication is so essential. Talk to her, try to understand why she couldnt have the baby. Does she not feel like she can handle another baby?



I am sure if you two are married, you do / did love each other. Having a kid is a huge thing, and dont get angry cos she aborted it... you and her need to sort out your relationship.



Just dont get angry at her and she will talk more easily, try to be understanding while also getting across how you felt.

Answer 8

Well for starters you guys being seperated? its sad for you both im sure.. and making a decision like that wasnt a easy one im sure for her... but leads me to the next thing.. why? something obviously wrong with your guys marriage.... maybe she didnt want any ties with you.. not saying that i think thats a good reason to have an abortion, as i disagree with it!!! but its done and over with now, so only thing left, is why? why did she do it? got to be a reason why she didnt want to share a child with you... i would def move on if you want kids and she doesnt... being a parent is a wonderful thing... hope i dont sound mean about it... im just trying to look at both sides... im sure your sad, and its not easy... she should of spoke to you about it before making a decision.. its selfish if your a good man.. :)

Answer 9

Technically the only reason for getting a divorce (I'm speaking MORALLY) is if your wife has been unfaithful.



However, she has murdered your unborn child. You might want to separate from her and if she cheats on you, which she probably will, then consider getting a divorce. If you go this route, you might want to do what you can to prevent some liberal activist judge in the divorce court from twisting things around.

Answer 10

I wonder what would make a person want to bring a life into this world (or at least act like they did) then terminate the pregnancy once it occurs.



Unless you can understand the why - and not an excuse she has made up but really why how can you ever trust her again?

Answer 11

You"re in a tough situation.I certainly feel for you both.Chances are you"re good people. You said you loved her well,if it"s conditional love than you"ll most likely leave her But if your love is unconditional you"ll need to fight against your anger fear and disappointment. Marriage comes with challenges ,this one is yours..In my life and marriage of 20 years i learned that is better to understand than to be understood.Embrace your wife, make her feel safe ,and secure, let her know you truly love her.Gently find out why she went behind your back, I can bet it was out of fear.Really listen to her.Try to feel her pain and make a commitment to be willing to help heal each other.All of these suggestions require you to demonstrate being a man of higher thinking.It is difficult but well worth it if you truly love her.I am a former member of the us army special forces and often had to be mentally tough in marriage before my wife passed away cause i truly adored her. good luck don"t forget to Pray it works wonders.

Answer 12

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sorry to hear about your lost hon,that was very wrong of her to do that to you,your relationship and most of all the baby! I think you should go with your instinct and follow what your heart tells you,that was way TO WRONG! If you can prove that she had a abortion,then YEAH you should file for a DIVORCE!

Good luck,and again i'm very sorry for your lost. God bless you

Answer 13

Why did she have the abortion?



To me that's a HUGE deal. Its a huge lie, almost like cheating. But you have a child, I really think you should work things out through some sort of counseling, her in particular.

Answer 14

yes if she has moved on with her life but if you love her like you say you do then man go home and love the child you already have maybe she really didn't want a another child and was not ready yet

hope things work out man

talk to her ask why she did it

Answer 15

It is uncommon for a man gets that upset about this issue to file for divorce. But you must have your reasons.

Answer 16

Find out WHY she got the abortion, and why she didn't discuss with you about it.



I don't know the cicumstances, but why would you send your wife to her mother when she's pregnant?? That's when she needs you the most. Her mother can come and stay with you if necessary.

Answer 17

Just get to the root of the deceit....Why does she lie to you and say she wants another baby then aborts it.. she owes you the truth and you owe it her to listen.

Answer 18

That much hurt and deceit and on top of a year separated, yes I would divorce.The pain won't go away until you walk away from it...best wishes..

Answer 19

i dont understand if you both decided to have another child then why did she have a abortion.

Answer 20

Only you can decide how badly this makes you feel and whether or not you can continue with her under those conditions.

Answer 21

yes you should what she did was not right you guys are married and decide together. I think you should divorce her.

Answer 22

Oh man. Idon't think I could handle that. I would definately have to say sianara...

Answer 23

What is the reason she aborted behind you.Is there any reason?

Answer 24

Get it over with, this is something that will proabably always haunt you.

Answer 25

omgosh thats horrible. i would file for divorce, why would someone do that

Answer 26

hell yes!!!!!!!! it makes me sick too read this. im so sorry for your loss. you dont need someone like that as your wife.