I started seeing this boy i'll call r about 6 years ago. We just choose to be friends with benefits because he didn't want to commit. we had sex for 3 months till i went to college, We kept in touch and i would drive to see him and we still slept with each other.. occasionally he'd dump me for another girl then pick right back up with me. He did tell me he loved me ECT. But then did cruel jokes to me like told me he had aids and now i have it as a sick joke. I dumped him after that and found the man of my dreams or so i thought. I married S and now 2 years latter have two great kids with him. This entire time R has tried to get back into my life and has married someone else as well. He keeps telling me he loves me but i always told me to go away i'm happily married. Now my marriage is falling apart and r came back again. Telling me he loves me and wishes he was with me and that he should never have left me. Then he told me he was breaking up from his wife, I then seperated from my husband... not for that.. totally diffrent problem. So r and i went out to see each other a few times... Then the worse happened. I was feeling lonely and had a little to much and he and i slept together. It was like old times again.. The next day he didn't text me.. i waited till monday and didn't hear from him so i texted him. He was very cold... and said he feels guilty what he did to his wife. Then tuesday he said he had been chasing me for 3 & 1/2 years to sleep with me again and now he can put it to a close because he finally got that. I was so mad. But the sick thing is I miss him. I feel like all the old feelings i had for him have come back and that i wanted to see him and be with him. I'm not sure if it's cause i'm in love with him or miss old times or miss him bothering me. But now i feel really sad. I don't know what to do. how do i let him go? how do i get him back? I am so confused! THIS SUCKS ***