Can a married man be just friends with a female?

Question

So last year when me and my then fiancée were having problems he went and he hung out with one of his female friends and apparently walked down the beach just talking. He then joined the military so he was gone through two months and after he graduated we got married. It didn't really bother me that every now and then he talked to her. Until I figured out it was a little more than every now and then. I was looking through the pictures on his phone one day and I saw that he had screenshot pictures she sent him through snap chat. Now the pictures weren't bad but I was just confused as to why a married man would have pictures of another female on this phone.. Anyways to say the least I asked him how often he talked to her. He said recently they had been talking a lot. About a week later I noticed that he was still texting her even after I got upset about the first incident. I kindly explained myself and said that I thought I didn't think it appropriate when this friend had no idea who I am and has never met me. He agreed to stop texting her. But just last night I looked on his phone and he had texted her saying "loser". At first he said that he accidentally texted her instead of me but not being blind I told him that I knew that he texted her. He then admitted to texting her. He also will delete his text messages before coming home. And just today I found flirty messages between them on Facebook from a long time ago. But it still bothers me. I don't know what to think. Help!

Answer 1

If he admitted that they had been talking a lot, that's a good sign. If there was something else going on, he probably wouldn't have been open about the amount of contact. The fact that he's deleting messages now is a concern though.



Yes, married men can be friends with other females but your feelings are important. Approach it from that perspective. Tell him that you can't control who he texts but you want to be the main person he confides in, not someone else. And if he feels like he's going through rough patches, you want to hear about it and listen.



That being said, if there's no kids in the picture you don't want to go down that road until your trust in him is completely regained.

Answer 2

He has a female friend that he likes to talk to. In and of itself this is nothing to worry about. The fact that you flew off the handle at him with your jealousy is the reason why he's hiding it. There's nothing inherently wrong with a married guy having a female friend, and if you turn it into something else in your mind, you're either A) Depriving him of that friend, and/or B) Forcing him to do it on the sly, making it that much more suspicious in your mind. This becomes a vicious cycle really fast.



Making ultimatums like this is counterproductive to a marriage because it's an implied distrust of the partner and a general unwillingness to compromise. If she's his friend, why didn't you, for example ask that they all get together for something? How come you didn't want to start a friendship with her? You're betraying some real trust issues, and unless it's already been proven that he's untrustworthy, you have some real problems that need to be dealt with.

Answer 3

Yes, but it is difficult. Very difficult. I've been friends with a woman for many years and yes, it does take an effort to 'remain friends', but so far, we've been successful. My wife, at one time, wanted me to break off the friendship. Initially I agreed, but the reversed myself and said no. If there was a problem, then I would understand, but I'm not going to end a long time friendship merely because of the insecurities of my wife. I do, however, let her know what is going on. Nothing is ever hidden.

Answer 4

It is a rare friendship if a guy and a girl can just be friends. I don't believe in it; it starts out that way but doesn't stay friends. I wouldn't not like it either. He should respect how you feel about it and it's getting into an entirely bigger problem if he is doing what you asked him not to do. You two should be able to talk to each other, not other people about each other.

Answer 5

Sure.



I'm a married woman and have a few male friends. My husband also has female friends. It means nothing.

Answer 6

Ask him politely to end all communication with this other woman if he gets defensive or says no then ask for a divorce he clearly has more respect for this other woman than you. IN my opinion a married man has no reason to be socializing or texting a single woman unless it is work related. Most likely they went and screwed after the romantic beach walk and then he joined the military so he had two months away from you so he could get over the guilt..

Answer 7

Men and woman can have friends of the opposite sex, but friends don't send photos of each other. I don't have any pictures of my buddies on my cell phone. They either were, or are more than just friends. If he wants to be in contact with her, he is going to no matter how much you kick and scream. He is just going to cover his tracks so you don't find out. If he wasn't up to something, he would have no reason to hide it or lie about it. Should you continue on in a marriage with someone you cannot trust and feel you need to check up on? No! That is torture to go through.



To be brutally honest, you should not have married a man you were having problems with until you had plenty of time to resolve those problems, and it doesn't sound like you did.

Answer 8

No, they can be coworkers but not good friends walk on the beach, Ill trap him in his lie and tell u call the phone company and they will end transmitted conversation that r on textand phone records on how offer they call, and I do have a right to make sure my husband is not messing around even if it's not physical, bc it's inappropriate to talk to female unless he is very feminine and has a lot in common with her

Answer 9

Yes, a married man (or woman) may be friends with a single female (or male)....what some people are capable of though, others are not...clearly your husband is out of line with regard to this particular female...

Answer 10

I think this dialogue from the movie When Harry Met Sally answers this question very well:



Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.



Sally Albright: Why not?



Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.



Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.



Harry Burns: No you don't.



Sally Albright: Yes I do.



Harry Burns: No you don't.



Sally Albright: Yes I do.



Harry Burns: You only think you do.



Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?



Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.



Sally Albright: They do not.



Harry Burns: Do too.



Sally Albright: They do not.



Harry Burns: Do too.



Sally Albright: How do you know?



Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.



Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?



Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.



Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?



Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.



Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.



Harry Burns: I guess not.

Answer 11

Married people can be friends with the opposite sex, but they have to be respectful, establish boundaries and don't cross them, and inform they're spouses of such relationships. Your husband hasn't done any of that and I suggest you tell him that if he doesn't stop all communication with this "friend" then its over and you're filing for divorce. Honestly, I'd be shocked if he hasn't cheated on you already, or at least thought about it.

Answer 12

Lets keep it real folks. Almost every female friend ive had, always developed feelings for me. Especially in those difficult times when bf or hubby weren't getting along. If your hubby or wife cheats on you then it's your fault for opening the door for them. We are sexual beings designed to reproduce.

Answer 13

Yes it's inappropriate. When he said his vows did he not say "forsaking all others?". Does he think that his vows were just lipservice and a formality not to be taken seriously? Both of them are wrong and he is clearly not committed to you. As you can see below, mine is probably the only decent advice you're going to receive on here. (Maybe one or two will post later that are sensible, but most are just teenage boys or cretins) Tell your husband he can make a choice, his girlfriend or his wife. And stick to it!

Answer 14

Yes

Answer 15

You don't hide something that isn't wrong. If he's deleting his messages, he obviously thinks he's doing something he shouldn't be and that's a red flag right there. There is nothing wrong with having platonic friends. The fact that he is lying about seeing her and lying about talking to her seems like something is going on. If you have issues in your relationship, you talk them out with the person you are having those issues with not a friend of the opposite sex, which could lead to trouble. You don't risk your marriage to keep taking to a "friend".

Answer 16

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Answer 17

Would be extremely rare for this to really happen. Sooner or later the male will want more then friendship.

Answer 18

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Answer 19

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Answer 20

Make an effort to decide what is important to you and act accordingly.

Answer 21

No. Men cannot be only friends with women.

Answer 22

Do no talk about this and look what happen. Good luck.

Answer 23

No, guys like to f -- k and women like to talk

Answer 24

if the woman looks like susan boyle- YES !!



if the woman looks like mila kunis- NO !!!