My husband lays hands on me every day?

Question

Is it me or him?
I never start putting my hands on him. I never ever tried to become physical. My husband hits me every day and every time we argue. I don't know if this is normal in other marriages. I get hit by him on a daily basis and I can't do anything about it because I'm a service member. If I call the cops or my chain of command they will separate us and put me in the barracks and he will return home and abuse my dog.
I'm heart broken and got me wonder if this is normal and I should just suck it up.
I lost feelings for him and I feel like cr@p about myself. Is it me that gets him out of his mind like that or is it him the problem. He throws furniture and stuff around the house.
he bangs his head and punches the wall. He breaks things.
last but not least, he smacked me really hard that he caused my ear to ring and I have partial hearing loss and the air flows through my left ear.
what shouldo I do?

Answer 1

The first thing you should think about is your mental and physical health. Those are top priorities. The rest is second. You have to leave him or report for his actions. How can you endure this? Like someone already mentioned, you can give the dog away. That's not an issue. I believe that the problem is that you are still in love with him or attached to him. You have lost your hearing so this is already bad enough. What other proof do they need?



You already know what you have to do even prior to writing this question. You know you have to leave him or report him. It just doesn't matter what anyone writes here because I am not sure if you would even listen. that reason is because you already made up your mind to endure this. It might take, few weeks maybe, few months, years or even your entire life...until you will realize that you can't take it anymore. Maybe it will be to late by then. You will look back and regret for wasting your time for not taking action sooner. Nobody can hurt you more than what you allow them. Please get away from him.

Answer 2

It's not normal. And it's not your fault. It's his own fault. He tells you that you are worthless and no one will ever want you. He will make you believe that you are nothing without him. He will tell this over and over and over again. You know that it is a lie but after being repeatedly told you did something that you didn't do you will start to believe. He blames you for his problems. He will not change. One of 3 things will happen. 1) he kills you. 2) you kill him or 3) you leave. I would believe that any C.O. worth their salt would do whatever they can legally or illegally for you. I believe that any of your unit would take you into their home. Just because you are in the military doesn't make it all right cuz you are a woman. Go to your Sergeant. They teach you that at boot camp all you have is the person next to you. I know that you should trust your unit. They will help you however they can.

Answer 3

It's understandable to be confused and unsure of what you can/should do next. It's also understandable that you don't want anyone from work to know. It's normal to feel the way you do given the situation you have been forced into. It sounds like your husband is an abuser. He uses abuse to seek power and control. I'm so sorry that this happens to you at all, let alone on a daily basis. You do not deserve to be treated this way. Please know that when you are ready, there is help out there that is available for you. Sometimes, when you seek shelter for domestic abuse, there are options for petcare. I've provided the national hotline, but usually individual states and/or counties have their own non-profit agencies that help victims by giving them plenty of resources and empower them to decide which is best for them. I encourage you to do this when you are ready. Please know that your life is valuable, and you are very much worthwhile.



http://www.thehotline.org/

Answer 4

A man that hits a woman is not a man.

A man that abuses a dog is a piece of SH-T.



And you KNOW getting hit isn't normal. Isn't there someone that could foster your dog? I know little about the service, but it seems they would do more than just separate you. It's still illegal. I would post this question in the legal section or even the military section.

Answer 5

Honey you ARE married to an abuser!! I've lived with EVERY kind of abuse there is, verbal, mental, emotional, physical to getting Restraining Orders. An abuser is a person filled with anger, is a controller, has low self esteem. Only a counsellor counselling in Anger Management can be of help to an abuser. Some how, some way you should honestly try to get away from him, honey. I don't care how you do it. One of these times he could permentantly hurt you or worse. That's the reason I got a Restraining Order & he was Court ordered to Anger Management sessions. You have NOTHING what so ever to do with it. HE IS the one who has anger problems & they are of HIS own doing, NOT yours. Honey, PLEASE get away from him is all I can say. I did, you can too. I don't understand what your position is, but HE would be the one who would be removed from your home, not you. You then wouldn't have to worry about your dog. THAT too must be told. Write things down so you don't forget them. Use them ALL AGAINST him. Honey, he IS sick with anger problems & they are NOT going to go away without the help of Anger Management. PLEASE don't let him hurt you for ANY reason, he's NOT worth it. He has serious issues & I don't know what more I can say to try to tell you, to impress you of that FACT. You MUST do something about it. I care about you, don't even know you. But I DO know how it feels to live with someone exactly like you're living with....the best to you, honey...:)

Answer 6

Your in the service you should be alot stronger then this!!!!! You are a very strong women and deserve better!!!! Your husband is an abuser and it will never stop on less you do something!!!!!!!!! You have options USE THEM!!!!! A lot of women dont have the options to get away and end up dead by the hands of their abuser! And as for the dog just get rid of it before you leave!!!! Then go to your commanding officer and tell him what has been going on and that you want to be moved to the barracks so your safe..... Stop feeling sorry for your self... you have done things that most women will never do.. you made it thought Boot camp you can make it thought this and be happy and safe... If it comes down to it MOVE off base!!!!! and get a restraining order!!! Push comes to shove BEAT HIS *** YOURSELF!!!!!!! Use your training!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Your husband has serious mental problems that are not your fault. Give your dog to a trusted friend or relative to keep for you, then the next time your husband hits you and there are marks, go to the infirmary and tell them what happened. They will take pictures. Also, talk to your commanding officer Tell him/her your husband is sick, and you are afraid of him. They will remove him and hopefully will get him some medical help. You can also ask to be transferred if you're afraid of him. Show the photos taken in the infirmary. They will prove you're being truthful. The fact that your husband also bangs his head against the wall proves he is harmful to himself as well as you. He needs help as much as you do.

Answer 8

Not normal. He is an abuser and he will only get worse with time. He needs professional help You need to get away from him and get a divorce Go to a woman's shelter for help and call the cops the next time he hits you this is not ok and press charges when the cops do come. You must get away to save your own life Run girl run

Answer 9

Give the dog to someone you know to look after it. No way on earth I would stay in that just because of a dog. Are you for real?? Seems like you have very little self respect. Grow some balls and get out of there and start a new life. This is not normal, not at all in fact it is down right illegal.

Answer 10

what in the world thats abuse call 911 are do what they did in this Christmas put baby oil on the floor and when he gets out the whoop his *** to you cant no more a man is suposed to respect his wife not beat her up like shes one of the homies down the street you need to tell him how you feel and if he doesn't listen do the things I said before if you don't do anything at all you can be killed are severily hurt .

Answer 11

I am married over 30 years to the same man and NEVER has he laid a hand on me in anger, nor I to him. And that IS the way its supposed to be.



So get a friend or family to take the dog. Foster it out if you have to.

Kick his *** to the kerb.

File with the police - so its on his record if he tries it on with some other poor trusting woman.

Get help to understand that this is NOT a normal or loving relationship, and that you do deserve a loving relationship in a safe environmment.

Good luck, its not easy to give up on a relationship, but it is the right thing in this situation.

Answer 12

This action is not normal at all.



You wrote down "I can't do anything about it." You NEED to report this as your husband needs to be stopped FOR HIS OWN GOOD as well as the good of others. He is abusing you, lady, and it sounds like there is nothing you can do that will stop him from abusing others unless he is captured.



DON'T WAIT.

Answer 13

A punk that hits a woman is NOT a man. You are in a bad situation and need to get out. Think and do what you have to do to fix this situation even if you have to hide a hidden camera and get him on tape. Sorry you can always get another pet but your life could be danger. Try to find someone to give your pet to and if staying on the barracks is your start over place, so be it. You can ALWAYS start over, your life is worth it. Peace to you.

Answer 14

Call the cops!!! They will cart his *** off to jail!!! While he is there...report the incident to your Chain of Command, get a restraining order, you find a place for your dog to stay, put your things in storage if you need to... and then divorce him. The barracks would only be temporary. Easy Day.

Answer 15

Haven't endured physical abuse, more mental.........either are serious, and need to be taken serious by YOU.

He won't change, and thinking he will is a loss cause. Abuse is caused by so many things....

Please get help YESTERDAY........your life is very valuable.......he needs help.

The more you allow this to go on the more your self esteem will go down down and down more.

My escape was to Focus more on GOD's love, my family and friends supported me greatly..reach out.

Answer 16

It is never ok for a husband to hit his wife. This is called domestic violence and in many cases the perpetrator manipulates the victim to think she "deserved it" or it is "her fault". Often times the abused wife feels trapped with no options. It can even be dangerous to leave. For you safety you need to contact professional help, they will help you assess the situation and make plans to end this vicious cycle of abuse. You deserve much better, what he is doing is not ok. Prayers said for you!

Answer 17

Leave him as soon as you can. Its not Normal to lose your hearing. Sounds like he drinks to. What kind of a guy bangs his head against the wall...

Answer 18

play some grit ball with his dumb áss, then leave. it's common in lots of marriages and everyone of them are wrong. unless you're moaning in ecstacy, your spouse should never hit you. you need to talk to someone in your chain of command so someone can help you formulate a plan to leave. you have an obligation to yourself to get out of this relationship, so do it. this is not your fault. you need to handle this before you two get into an altercation and your either lose your security clearance or your life. ask someone at your command who lives off post to take your pup, or board her in a kennel.

Answer 19

Leave him as soon as you can. Its not Normal to lose your hearing. Sounds like he drinks to. What kind of a guy bangs his head against the wall...

Answer 20

I'll take care of your dog while you put his *** on check! Seriously, get your dog out of the home before you leave that SOB of your screwed up husband!!

Answer 21

Leave him as soon as you can. Its not Normal to lose your hearing. Sounds like he drinks to. What kind of a guy bangs his head against the wall...

Answer 22

I'll take care of your dog while you put his *** on check! Seriously, get your dog out of the home before you leave that SOB of your screwed up husband!!

Answer 23

Call the police! WTF, this is NOT normal behavior and he will eventually KILL you.. Who cares if they seperate you and put you in barracks at least you won't be getting our *** beat everyday!! Find someone to take the dog so he can't hurt it.. He sounds VERY dangerous and you NEED to get away from this physco..

Answer 24

Leave him as soon as you can. Its not Normal to lose your hearing. Sounds like he drinks to. What kind of a guy bangs his head against the wall...

Answer 25

Leave him as soon as you can. Its not Normal to lose your hearing. Sounds like he drinks to. What kind of a guy bangs his head against the wall...

Answer 26

Of course it's not normal. Take your dog elsewhere and leave right away. He could easily kill you.

Answer 27

Of course it's not normal. Take your dog elsewhere and leave right away. He could easily kill you.

Answer 28

fight back!!!!!! show him your not afraid! depends is he twice as bigger? is he on drugs? I haven't read your situation yet but had to answer. hope for yourself. your situation is scarier than mines. stay at someone where he cant find you get restraining order too. good luck babe..

Answer 29

He will kill you one day. Do you really want to stick around until that day comes?

Answer 30

He will kill you one day. Do you really want to stick around until that day comes?

Answer 31

Dump the bastard

Answer 32

I'm confused. He beats the **** out of you and you get punished by his superiors?? Wtf?