I can't bring myself to have sex with my husband - what can I do?

Question

I was 32 when we met, he was 35 and virgin
We found out after we were married that we both have autism - neither of us even knew it ourselves
A lot of autistic couples don't have sex at all and that has become us
I spent years trying to have a successful love life with him but having sex with him was frustrating because he seemed to be trying to climb a smooth glass wall - and giving me the same feeling
I've had a lot of good sex and I thought I could tutor the guy but it was impossible
I have schizophrenia and my meds make me less sexual anyway
So hopefully I can get by without

I don't even know what I'm asking
I would like to feel its possible for us to have occasional sex but i find it difficult because I'm afraid to touch it
I think my guilt that we're not having sex even though I made sure he had an op to correct a real problem and not just a run of the mill problem -so I helped him get it to work and now I feel I am rejecting it
He has never once made a move towards me
I think he is asexual
He once inched closer both lying on our backs he moved a bit nearer - thats it in 6 yrs and in some positions his arms hurt because he's not used to it I say do press ups but he doesn't

I'm talking about intimate things so please don't hate
Where do we go from here?
Got some therapy lined up for next year but apart from both of us starting from scratch? Maybe we should roll play a date
Anyone ever done that?
It's the only thing I can think of
But I need confidence of a goddess to help him to be sexual

Ideas?

Answer 1

My 30 year old son has autism and is completely asexual. He says it doesn't feel good to him. He loves everyone, but can't stand to be touched. This may be something you just have to live with.

Answer 2

I'm not sure how autism works in adults. So putting that aside..



Does he seam sexually frustrated? If he isn't and is perfectly content with the way things are, don't feel guilty! He's happy!



Could you go on top? Tell him to just put his arms around you and you do the work.. Maybe then you wont feel like a glass wall being climbed.



Why are you afraid to touch his penis? You weren't afraid when you "got it to work". Would a condom help "hide" it and make it not look as scary?



Try watching porn together. Men are very visual, where woman are more physical. You could act along with the porn, do what they do.

Answer 3

Your husband has Autism and may be asexual. You have Autism and Schizophrenia. I'm thinking in a situation such as yours, which is very unique, you should contact a professional marriage counselor/sex therapist. That's all I got....good luck to you both.



Here are a few family therapists numbers that may help:

267-656-2028

954-482-4332

401-992-4056

781-452-3027

404-698-2904



It they are not local, maybe they can refer you to other therapists near-by.

Answer 4

You both sound perfect for each other





MOM

Answer 5

have sex with your boss instead.