My best friends marriage just fell apart, as her best friend what should I do for her?

Question

I just got a call from my best friend telling me that her husband left her last night. Now me, I am jumping up and down because this man treated her like crud physically, emotionally, and mentally. She is heart broken and in major need of comfort. I am SO not good at situations like this. What would be the actual protocol here? Do I bring ice cream, even though she is on a major diet (she has lost 60 lbs in the last 6 months)? My husband says to just listen and hug her when needed, but I am not really sure when to hug someone as I hate to be hugged. Should I go over there if I haven't been invited? I want to be there fo her, but I am really unsure how!

Answer 1

Hey Doormat,



Well you are her friend, so in saying that. Your job right now is to be a listener, even though you both know this man treated her like Absolute s**t.. right now its not your place to say that. You need to be that lending ear, the person that she can vent to, the person she can cry on.



Even though you said that you are not in good situations like this, id be willing to bet that you are, because when things start to get stressful, your true strength always comes out.



Id stay away from the ice cream (unless she asks).. And right now even though you havent been asked to go over there, as a true Friend i would atleast go over there just to check on her to make sure she is ok and has not done anything to harm herself..once your there if she is not up for company, then just simply tell her i just wanted to check on you and if you need me i am only a phone call away.



It might be a wasted trip on your part, but atleast you will have peace of mind that she is somewhat ok.



Lastly, check on her but dont over check on her if you know what i mean, because she is going to need sometime to herself to grieve and collect her thoughts, Dont worry you will do just fine.



I hope this helps



Good Luck

Answer 2

Let her know that you are available if she needs you for anything. You might stop by once to tell her this and offer your support. If she wants to talk to you listen, but if she's not ready you don't need to babysit. It might be a good idea to check on her, maybe weekly, and reiterate your availability and support.



If she does want to talk she doesn't want to hear about how much of a jerk he is. Even if she thought he was a jerk she doesn't want to hear it from you. The best thing is to listen. Also, don't lie to her or play down all of her concerns and emotions. If she says, "I'll never find love again." Don't just say, "Oh sure you will, you're great!" That kind of response will not be helpful or make her feel better. Instead acknowledge that her concerns or real. You might say something like, "I know you're going through a lot, and its not going to be easy..."



Anyways, I'm no professional, its just what I would honestly want if I were her. Based on personal experience and being there for my friends.

Answer 3

I am in your friend's position. Friends and family have literally been life savers for me.



Go over to her house, pick her up, take her out whether she wants to go or not. Take her out for coffee, or a diet coke, anything to get her out.



Hugs are super fantastic in this situation, but if you don't like to hug, just listening to her is the next best thing. Buy her a box of Kleenex and just listen, listen and listen. She needs you now, just to listen and dry her tears. It is very painful at first even if the guy has been a boob. Eventually she will figure out that this was the best thing for her. If her husband was really as you say, she will eventually be thankful this happened.



She is afraid of what the future holds. She has pictured her future with her husband for so long and all of a sudden that picture has been destroyed, and she can't visualize what lies ahead without him. She is worried about a zillion things that she never thought of before, money, taking care of the kids all by herself, car care, house maintenance, mowing, working more, how to spend Christmas, Valentine's Day, dating, dying all by herself, no one there to hold her hand if she is in the hospital, what will she do Friday nights, retirement. The list is absolutely endless.



You need to be there for her to tell her to take it step by baby step. Tell her you will be there no matter what, friends are like that, husbands that leave, AREN'T.



Continue to invite her out and invite her over to your house to watch movies and eat popcorn. This will show her that you empathize with her, and she is always in your thoughts. Sending "thinking of you" cards is also a great plus.



As I said, this is a super super hard time for her, it is just as if someone has died. It's the same type of grieving process. It will take time, months/years to heal. It is a slow process. Her life is a roller coaster. Right now she is in a dip, eventually it will start to go up. She will continue to have more down days at first but eventually the up days will be closer together and last longer. She will find herself feeling more independent and a much stronger person.



She can do this, you can help by just being there for her. Another thing to watch out for is her talking about suicide. If this happens, get her help and fast.

Answer 4

You say this woman is your best friend, so you know her better than anyone. You may not have liked her husband, but she loved him so the last thing she wants to hear is you slagging him off. Just make her aware that you are there for her whenever she needs you whether it be day or night. Pop in daily just to check she is OK but don't smother her as she will need time alone. Just by being there for her and her knowing that should be enough.

Answer 5

I speak as though I were your friend and have been in her exact situation. When I look back to the situation now ( just over a year) I find myself realising who really are my friends and who really call themselves my friends but they arent what I would consider to be friends.



Tell her that you are there for her anytime she needs you.



I think it's best that you let her know that you are there for her but that you dont want her to feel that she is being pushed into accepting your comfort. Im ot a big hugger and Im not a big one for sharing my problems, infact it was a few days before I told my two best friends about what had happened, I explained it to them and apologised because I did not want to talk about in any detail as I was trying to keep it together for myself and my two young children's sake. They both told me that they were there for me if I needed them and occasionally I would get a text off them because they knew that I may not ( and they were right) want to talk to them.

It helped knowing that they were there for me and that they would do anything for me but I am grateful that they kept their distance at a time when I needed to be alone to deal with it.



I know that people deal with things differently, but at least if she knows you are there for her, then she can take as much or as little comfort from you as she needs. And as far as your concerned, just give her what she needs from you which is your love and support and reassurance that you will always be there for her AND DONT JUDGE HER ( also, and again from experience, dont go on about what a tosser her ex was - she knows that and may feel that you are rubbing her nose in the fact that she was treated like a doormat).



Just be there for her when she needs you, dont be judgemental, and give her an ear if she needs one and a shoulder if she needs one.

Answer 6

Hi The Doormat,



um, it is a very soft situation, little be complicate too. so i just suggest u to be calum at first, because feel good for a suffering friends is a good one. but u must also should see the upcoming situations of her. there might be a chance for coming back of her husband as a changed man after a while. or might come back as same or worst to her. in this situations u fist should know whether she is with whom now. is she staying with her parents and staying at her husband home. if she is at her parents house u can go there to give ur solder for her to cry out her feeling, but be silent and lessening one. do not interface her during her cry, after she get her self into control. u slowly say her "its ok, what happens is all for good. and ur husband will be change one day and it will happen soon. all u need is to be calm and see what he is going to do next. never try to prove ur self and make him understand u, instead of that try to understand his nature and try to do things according to his nature. make him feel that u care for him. and u r the one for him. do not go so fast in everything. be calm and thoughtful to face the situations even if he is the wrong one. it will deffenately make ur life better or will help u to find out and solve the problem". or if she stays at her husband house then u should wait for her call to make her over come. or u can call her when she is able to attend ur call. so that u & she can speak freely hear her real situations.



one more thing if ur a men and ur suffering friend is a women then u must wait for her call only u should not approach her personal unless u think and feel it will not be create more problem for her.



as u mentioned here as ur a women. so it will not be the problem for u to approch her as i suggest u above.



I hope my suggestions will be help u in these situations.



I wish and pray to God to help u and ur friend to get over from this problem.



bey

Answer 7

If it were me and she was my best friend,I would invite her over to dinner and ask her to spend the night.You can offer her moral support in a hard time like this.It would most likely do her some good to get out of the house and into another enviorment.Just my thoughts.

Answer 8

Listen to your husband.



Don't give her sweets because she's obviously worked hard to lose the weight. She may relapse and feel worse in the long run.

Answer 9

Just call her and ask what it is that you can do for her. Go there if you feel that would work better. There isn't all that much you can do except just be with her and listen to her getting it all out.

Answer 10

Just be there to support her, listen to her and encourage her. That would mean a lot. Even if you don't agree with how she feels just listen and be there when she needs a shoulder to lean on.

Answer 11

It is not your place to do anything, sweetie. Stop being co-dependent!!! This is her problem...not yours. It is up to her to solve it....not you! You sound a little freaky to me and hyper....calm down. I really don't think she needs you to be acting like this. You come across as selfish by what you say......you seem to be more worried about YOUR needs rather than HER needs! You sound like you have a ton of your own problems to deal with....DUH!!!! Do her a favor and leave her alone and work on yourself....period!!!

Answer 12

All she needs is someone to listen. Whatever you do don't bash her husband.



Go over there and comfort her.

Answer 13

what ever you do, just listen and that's all,do not...do not...do not say any thing bad about her ex, bacause they may get back together then you will have crap all over your face,no ice cream for her! ....protocol as follows......she cry,you hug.....she talk,you listen!

Answer 14

Simply listen to her, support her and be there for her. Keep your happiness on the inside for now.