Question:
Do you think that when marriages separate, their should be a "clean break" (in other words, no communication)?
Love me some YA
2009-11-18 06:41:39 UTC
Do you have a story about your break-up or separation? I'm going through a separation now (3 months in to it) and the communication part is our biggest problem. Seems like we're both doing fine and then we'll need (or 'want') to talk and we end up feeling worse afterwards and the healing process has to start all over again. Do you believe it should just be a clean break with no communication? How did you handle it?
Fourteen answers:
Mimi
2009-11-18 06:46:35 UTC
People advocate that 'no contact' is the best thing. I think it does help because the distance really does help the couple. The more you talk, the worse you will feel if everything is still fresh. Have you guys tried counseling during this time? I'm going through the same thing. 2 months separated & always feel worse after we talk.
Wisen Smart
2009-11-18 06:56:00 UTC
Clean break and no communication is the key to healing. If you are sure the relationship does not work, then stop the trying. Its like banging yourself against a stone wall over and over again.



When you get that need to talk, stop and count to 20. What is it you need to talk about? I am sure the answer will always be nothing that will help the relationship. Call a friend instead or a family member, grab the car keys and run out and go window shopping, get a pet if need be to keep your feelings focused on something else.



The calls and communication only led me to more and more pain and disappointment until one day I got sick and tired of being sick and tired, changed my number and started to move on. It was the best decision I have ever made. Good luck
2009-11-18 06:53:05 UTC
Speaking from experience, I would say it's best to make a clean break. After my divorce, my ex and I still spoke over the phone and by email. We wanted to stay friends. Unfortunately, that kept both of us from moving on and adjusting to our new roles as single people. I was always the enabler in our marriage, so I started to feel like I was being taken advantage of for emotional support as well (like I was the "fallback girl" when things weren't going well). I met someone new (and spectacular), and she was not comfortable with the communication between me and my ex, so I decided to cut it off completely. While difficult at first, it was the best thing I've ever done for myself! I was freed from that bad relationship, and I was able to devote my full attention both to myself and my new girlfriend.
?
2009-11-18 06:46:41 UTC
Well, I highly doubt you will never talk to him again. Especially with children,pets, or something like a house involved. Keep talking calm and nice, and forget about him when you part ways.



My daughter's father and I were very abusive. It was hard trying to let go of the man I made a child with, but no contact with him was the best choice for me. Wait until you can look at him without crying- that helped me alot.
Sal
2009-11-18 06:54:12 UTC
Yes, at first there should be no talking except for business. it gives you both time to adjust and heal. if there is children involved, the only communication should be regarding them, nothing more. Dont talk about anything personal. if you have decided to not be together, do just that.
2009-11-18 06:53:51 UTC
I support clean breaks. I also support never marrying and never living together ('cause there are just tooo many states that have found ways through that arrangement to put their slimy fingers in men's wallets).



What's to communicate? Just divorce already...collect your fee for participation and enjoy your freedom. Y'know...it's not MANDATORY to have a partner, b/f or husband...we really CAN exist on our own and be damned happy and satisfied.
TYRANT m.i.a.
2009-11-18 07:32:30 UTC
It need to be a clean DIVORCE,you guys are not going to make it at all ! the best thing to do is end it while you are separated !
asbridge
2016-10-18 05:10:01 UTC
i will purely anticipate that Paul S. Bullfighter is being sarcastic. human beings used to get married on the age of 11 or 12, or be decreased in length in marriage even youthful (at times concerning what could probably could now be defined as pedophilia, as older adult men married plenty youthful girls human beings). Marriage for romance is a very modern-day innovation on the assumption. i could desire to circulate on.
Mais Oui
2009-11-18 06:48:09 UTC
Well if you have kids you have to communicate and try to keep it amicable for their sakes. Otherwise I would say that a clean break will probably finish the marriage for good, so if you want to try to save it you have to keep communicating. Have you tried counselling?
But Inside I'm Screaming
2009-11-18 06:45:08 UTC
That completely depends on why the separation is occuring. I had a clean break with my now-ex-husband, because if I hadn't...I would have killed him and all the wh0res he was banging.
Paraiba Blue
2009-11-18 06:56:50 UTC
It should be a clean brake. If you daley, have second thoughts, the same pattern will repeat itself. . Your future is in front of you.
2009-11-18 06:44:36 UTC
What about children you may both have, What about paying bills you both may have inccured. You have to handle it like an adult.
2009-11-18 06:44:29 UTC
yes
xninjagrrl
2009-11-18 06:45:32 UTC
oh yeah, unless there are kids


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