Question:
How do I deal with my wife's constant complaining?
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:48:34 UTC
This is a follow up to an earlier question. My wife is overall a very good wife. I do feel lucky to have her. One thing though that bothers me is that she complains a lot. I have always tried to adjust to her needs and to listen to her complaints. But sometimes she complains no matter what happens. For example, we recently moved to a new town. All summer before we moved she complained non-stop about not having a job lined up before we moved. She did this even though I am always very busy with work, and pretty much all of my leisure time was given over to listening to her complaints. I did this because I did not want her to feel neglected. But right before we moved, she found a job that is a good match for her. Once she had the job, all she has done is complain about it. When I asked her why she complained before about not having a job, she admitted all along she really did not want a job at all despite her complaining the whole time. Now I feel like a fool for listening so much to her complaints as if there was something to be done, when she really was complaining in both cases about having exactly what she wanted. Why does she do this? How do I handle it in a way a good husband should? Thank you.
Twenty answers:
no1advice
2010-08-23 12:56:01 UTC
Bless you my son!



Start now with a new slate and when she starts to complain......(I envision her walking into the house from work today bitchin' about Susie wearing a low cut blouse in the office), you learn to ignore this behavior for awhile. After afew bitchh sessions she gives you....look point blank at her and say, "How do I respond to that?". Wait...............She will tell you how to respond. But you have tape recorded her and I want you to play that back to her so she can listen to her self .......Go to Radio Shack and buy a cheap tape recorder. Trust me when she hears her shrilling voice she will back off.
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:56:34 UTC
"Honey, I love you more than I can say... but baby, you've been really negative lately. It's sort of a bummer. I want to come home to a happy wife who is happy to see me, and I don't know if you're just in a habit of complaining, or if you're really that miserable."



In other words, lovingly tell her to knock it off. Sometimes people get into bad habits like that and don't realize how annoying it is until someone points it out. She may be genuinely pretty unhappy because of the move (I know *I'm* terrible with change), and that's kind of understandable... but chances are whatever she's unhappy about she can fix.



First off, she needs friends and a life, and to find things to do around town that make her happy. Second, maybe the 8-5 gig isn't for her. Providing your salary is decent, maybe she can do something else. It should be productive, but if you like your job, it pays well and you have health insurance, then why not let your wife try something new that might just make her happy?
ziggy
2010-08-23 12:58:01 UTC
Find a tactful way to point out to her that she has a problem with complaining. Does she realize just how much she complains? Maybe you're trying so hard, that you've started catering to the complaining a bit too much. Its ok to express frustration/anger in a marriage relationship when its done with the idea of setting your own limits. "You know, honey, I love you very much but I feel like you sure do complain a lot! I feel like a fool when you complain about what you don't have, then complain about it once you do have it. I wonder why you seem to complain this much. When we spend time together, I want to enjoy being with you......make plans together and dream. A lot of complaining kind of gets on my nerves. Complaining sometimes is good, but its also good to see the positive side of things." Whatever you think she'll accept.
Ces
2010-08-23 15:18:58 UTC
I'd find the root cause..

I know I start complaining to my guy alot if I'm feeling insecure, and I feel I need reassurance.

Have you strated taking her out less? Have people started talking to her about possible weight gain or is she under pressure to start having children? Is she worried about you two financially?



Complaining is different to discussing though. If she's sitting down with you letting you know something is important, then you should listen as best you can, but you also need to ask her to give you some time to clear problems up before asking you to.
Stacy
2010-08-23 14:42:21 UTC
When she starts complaining about something ask her what she is going to do about the problem, get her thinking about solutions instead of problems. Once the mind is stuck in problem-mode it can be difficult to get out into solution-mode, especially if the person doesn't want to stop complaining!



You can also ask her if wants a solution or if she just wants to complain. If she admits to only wanting to complain then you can tell her that complaining for the sake of complaining is not healthy and it stresses you out and you can ask her to someone else about this because it's putting a strain on your relationship.



If she's willing to give up the habit of complaining, this is a great plan to break the complaining habit in seven steps. http://growwithstacy.com/archives/634
G. Samaritan
2010-08-23 13:02:07 UTC
In my view you have 3 choices A) be honest open and direct with her about how you feel about the complaining. Don't pull punches but don't be a jerk either. Don't argue just talk to her sincerely. B) Don't take the complaints to heart. Accept it as part of the bad that goes with the good. Essentially, you have to learn to tune her out (at your own peril, admittedly) C) Put your foot down and tell her to quit with all the complaining. Advise her that If she doesn't a constructive suggestion that she's willing to act on then you don't want to hear it. Good luck.
SlowlyDrifting
2010-08-23 12:56:23 UTC
Well man, sorry to hear that you got stuck with that. But unless you talk to her and let her know how much it bothers you and stop sitting down and listening to her continue to complain, it's probably going to be a regular habit. Good luck man, and tell her you need an evening by yourself. Either go somewhere or make her think you're being really sweet and make plans for her to spend an evening at a spa or something like that.
Connor
2010-08-23 12:52:50 UTC
When she admitted to you that she didn't want the job all along, did you ask why? I think in any committed relationship listening to your partner complain is part of the deal ... TO A POINT. Your wife should not expect you to always listen to her complain especially when it sounds like she does it a lot. Just ask her what it is she's really wanting/needing and you will be more than happy to accommodate her needs. She shouldn't feel slighted in any way. Being there to listen to her when she's needing an ear doesn't mean being a sounding board for negativity.





Answer mine?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20100823122831AAVYuby
akvdr
2010-08-23 13:01:54 UTC
I have a feeling she is a very selfish person never was told to do anything win she was young and always got her way there are people that are born that way they wine until they finally give in to her wants. So you are in the picture now and she wines to you about everything and you are feeding into her problem by doing what ever she wants. Poor you my son was married to a person like her and just about drove him crazy so he got a divorce . You couldn't please her with nothing she was the only girl in a big family of boys she always got her way. Hop you can get used to this because this is not going away any time soon.
?
2010-08-23 12:58:58 UTC
Sounds so much like my sister's. The bicker & complain about not having a job or money. Then when one lands on their lap. They found something to still hate & still complain. They are not in control in their lives. That is why they hate & complain about their lives & everybody elses. So hard to be around them. They have bad karma.
mmm
2010-08-23 12:57:34 UTC
women love to complain - they don't want a solution - they don't want you to figure out their problems - they just want you to listen to them . . . so silently listen to her complain and then try to change the subject . . .every time you have had enough - change the subject . . . or at least try to. . .pay attention to her is what is important - and you are doing just that . . .I know you are feeling stressed about work but I'd love to talk about next week-end . . . I know your boss drives you crazy sometimes but I thought we could go for a walk . . . I know you hate going in early, it must stink, when I used to have to get up . . . and talk about something you can relate to her about . . .so its not all about her and her wants and needs . . .
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:56:07 UTC
I think you are being a pretty good husband. But honestly, no one should have to put up with someone who is so consistently negative. There must be some other reason why she is so unhappy. Your best bet is to figure out what is really going on and take it from there.
stephanie_6234
2010-08-23 12:56:40 UTC
You are enabling her complaining by giving in to her all the time...stop that and tell her why you are and that will cut down on all that complaining
Michael
2010-08-23 13:03:01 UTC
I think you need to sit down and talk to her and ask her what it is that is really bothering her.Complaining about something is a way of masking something that is bothering them.But you are being a good husband already by listening to her and understanding.
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:50:09 UTC
complain to her that how much she complains, and it gives you a headache! Then complain to her about all you problems.
carmac
2010-08-23 12:52:59 UTC
Most good husbands just ignore the complaining, eventually you should be able to just turn her off.
Dreamer
2010-08-23 12:56:13 UTC
Time to say good bye and move on to a place where you can feel happy and accepted.
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:51:21 UTC
Very simply, get a roll of duck tape and some chlorophorm.....you figure the rest out!
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:51:47 UTC
A good husband would be firm and spank her over his knee for being a spoiled brat
anonymous
2010-08-23 12:50:52 UTC
All woman are basically the same, if you were with another woman you would have the same issue.


This content was originally posted on Y! Answers, a Q&A website that shut down in 2021.
Loading...