Does he really want to be with me or does he not want to admit and let go?

Question

I really am in a bad place right now. I was with my ex for four and half years.. He is my soulmate. A year before we split I accidently fell pregnant to him, we bought our first home together and we were planning our wedding.. We are now split 10 months. When my child was born he had a disagreement with my family, however the air was cleared, and he could not let go with what happened and always made it a huge issue. Im very close to my family as he is his, this tore my heart apart in the end, and when my child was 1 i had to say we had to splitt, i was drained of him telling me he didnt want me no more, and how he couldnt stand my family, i was nothing but good to him and as a new mother, my heart was broke.
So he went back to live with his mother, and i was left to pick up the pieces, cancelling my wedding (heartbreaking) and working hard to keep the roof over my head for me and my daughter.
Yes, he did miss me as he sent me txts when we split, but i suppose in my own mind i felt actions spoke louder than words..
Time passed and i missed him so much, but i felt there was so many issues, and having a connection with my child made it so much harder. He is an amazing daddy and provides for her, spends time with her, loves her.
About 4 months ago a family member saw him out with another woman and my world crumbled. I spoke to him saying i only want the best for my child and only introduce ppl into her life he was sure of. He did a full 180 and came to me asking me did i want him back, he had no idea he stood a chance with me etc, but after ahile the issues in his head were too much and i dont think his family were keen with him getting back with me. My family just want me to be happy and said they would stand by me whatever i decided to do. My family lost alot, a hell of alot of money when it came to the wedding but they still were willing to put it aside. However weeks went on and i really wasnt giving me the vibe he meant it aout getting back together so i set him free and let him move on. The last few weeks he's been contacting me, asking me how i am, calling to my home asking to come in for JUST coffee and a chat, and even "i want to take things slow again with you"..
I was totally over the moon until just at the weekend, my best friend told me she seen him out grocery shopping with another woman, i was in turmoil
I know we arnt together but he told me the last girl was just a "date" and i didnt think he would be showing me all this interest if he had a girlfriend! When I addressed this to him he told me we are not properly together so he's done nothing wrong.. awk i dont know it was like he took a knife to my heart and stabbed the life out of it.
I told him this cant keep going on we need to either decide and go with it, or i need the closure to move on. One minute he sayshe cant decide, the next we cant work and the next he needs time..
Is he playing mind games with me? I really feel he's putting my head away, all i want is for me and my daughter to be happy and for her to grow up in a normal family, with full siblings and not to be stuck in the middle!
Ive cried a river the last 2 days, he came to my house yesterday, and we both cried, and hugged, nothing makes sense... please help

Answer 1

wow.



you sure have a weird idea about your version of a "soulmate". if he was, you would be together. move on.

Answer 2

You cannot let this man continue to play around with you. You need to make it clear that he is only welcome for visitation to your child if you agree to it. Other than that, you need to steer clear.



I can only imagine just how bad things are for you to have this happen after you started to plan a wedding! But, in a cruel and twisted way, it is better that he left BEFORE the marriage took place. Divorces are messy and definitely not something that you want to be put through.



Emotions are still raw so I can understand how much it must hurt to see him with another woman. Having a child prior to marriage may have been a bad move as now it's more complicated. Please please please for your own sanity, stay away from him in a romantic sense. Try some counseling/support networks to help you deal with this enormous overwhelming grief!!



I like that you have both hugged and tried to get emotions out in the open. This is a positive step towards healing and by keeping the communication lines open, you can both work together to support your child. I know that having a dysfunctional relationship for the sake of your child will do harm, so you must both make the final decision on how to look after the child: get back together OR come to an agreement on the child support (which I urge you to start looking at asap - de facto relationships still qualify for that assistance depending on your location).



Good luck and stay safe!

Answer 3

Based on what you've said neither of you want to or are ready to let go. Fights with family members are so difficult to deal with because with your plans to marry him and sharing a child it's as though he's your family and so are they, very difficult. If the argument has been completely sorted out and everyone has said what they need to then you all need to move on. Perhaps there was something that he wanted to say to your family but never felt that he could.



My partner and I suddenly broke up and it was extremely difficult to deal with; I knew he was seeing another woman and it was very hard knowing that we should have been together when he was with someone else. After some time apart we started talking again and managed to patch it up, it is possible despite the hurt but it is an uphill battle. It would be fantastic if you could make it work for the sake of your daughter as long as it was a healthy relationship. I think you should consider if you're able to forgive him for everything such as him having another woman in his life and your having to cancel your wedding which must have been very difficult for you. Once you've decided if you could get back together and start over then perhaps you could start talking to him about it.



Maybe you could invite him over for family dinners with your daughter to establish that connection between the three of you and see where things go from there. No matter what the most important thing is to do your best not to let your daughter be the meat in the sandwich which you mentioned your conscious of not doing. She should be yours and your ex's first priority with whatever decision you make.

Answer 4

Soulmates don't split. Why don't you drop those ideal images and see it from a different view than you dreamy view.



The two of you weren't mature enough about relationships no matter your age. He's not interested enough in you. You're probably asked to go slow because he's weighing all options. It doesn't sound like he thinks of you about being a soulmate.

Why would your family be "out" money for your botched wedding? You need to pay them back when you can.

Answer 5

I dont think he is playing mind games, i truly believe he doesnt know what he wants. One minute he thinks he wants you then the next minute he has second thoughts. I think the two of you need to sit and talk it through. Discuss what your goals are and where ya's both would like to be in a few years from now. Discuss your child and what ya's feel is right for her and also if ya's both agree if your relationship is worth rebuilding.



I hope everything works in your favour

take care

Answer 6

Yep...He is playing mind games with you! You get someone bigger and better!