How did I get in this situation?

Question

I am a married woman who is having an affair with a married man. I am leaving my partner of 10 years because I am unhappy and not in love anymore. We haven't slept in the same room for over a year and have a roommate situation where we trade off spending time with our children. I am absolutely happy with my decision. I am however, unhappy with my current situation with the other married individual. He is not in the same situation as myself, but he is in an unhappy marriage and is taking steps to get out of it. They seem to be small steps because he is confused. He is having a hard time "morally" leaving his wife, which is kind of funny because he is having an affair. After spending a lot of time together, trips and thousands of "I love you" in a day, deep down inside, I don't believe he will leave his wife. I can't ask him for more time because he has other responsibilities and I can't push him to leave his wife. I am completely in love with him and I truly believe him when he says this to me. He is the one who started this affair and brought it to the emotional level that it is now. Of course, I am a willing participant and in no way am I saying that I am not at fault, because I am. All I know is that I am in pain when he leaves me. Do I continue allowing myself to go through this, or do I walk away?

Answer 1

You got into this situation by betrayal and selfishness. By the sounds of it you will live unhappily either way. Your affair doesn't seem devoted enough to want to be with you more than a half a day and your children invariably have to suffer from a mother that doesn't devote enough time to properly caring for or nurturing their growth. How you spend so much time together and go on trips is beyond me if you really do tend to your children well. If you are wise you'd at least try to repair your marriage since you're leaving it without attempting to fix things. If this is not an option then I'd advise leaving and telling your boyfriend to piss off. You'll start a new life but it won't be the gloriously happy life you've imagined...in fact it could be downright miserable. Either way do your conscience a favor and make a move. Your husband and children deserve some type of ending to this sad story.

Answer 2

These people have obviously never been in your situation but I have. I know what it's like to hate your life with your husband...mine was cold, bitter, and joyless and when someone comes along who makes you feel alive and happy it's hard to turn it away. The reality is you can't help who you love. Morally, these people are of course correct - you should have left your spouses before engaging in a romantic relationship. But sometimes **** happens. If you are unhappy with your husband, end your marriage. Whether you end up with the boyfriend is neither here nor there, you shouldn't stay in an unhappy marriage. I was in EXACTLY the same situation as you and guess what? My lover is now my husband, we've been together for 14 years and I have never been happier. Are we proud of how we fell in love? No, but we love each other very much and couldn't imagine not being together. Sometimes you have to swim through **** to get to your happy place. Only you know if this guy is worth swimming for.

Answer 3

You Already said it girl "deep down you believe he will not leave his wife" we have womens instinct for a reason! I know it hurts its gonna hurt alot but you need to be a mature adult you got yourself into this "relationship" and you need to do the right thing he is married (he may say he is unhappy) but honestly dont you think if he was so miserable he would be filing for divorce and honestly even if he does leave his wife what makes you think what goes around around wont come around and he will cheat on you with some other girl? The right thing for you to do is end the relationship with the married man and since your unhappy with your husband and i sence you dont want to make things work then get a divorce and give yourself some time for you and maybe in a few months or a year you can try dating but with single available guys good luck.

Answer 4

You don't walk...........you run! Married men who cheat all go to the same school. They learn the same lies, the same excuses and give the woman just enough hope to keep her in his bed! You have put a huge emotional investment in this man and you're going to end up the loser! We are all blessed with an inner voice that niggles away at us when something doesn't feel right or sound right. You need to listen to your inner voice when it constantly tells you that he will not leave his wife. He was the one who started this affair...........you need to be the one to end it. The longer you put it off, the harder it will be. There is no doubt that if his wife even suspects he is involved with someone else, he will pull away from you so fast! He's not confused........he is a calculated, liar and cheat. Look what you gave up! What has he given up? Nothing!! Don't be willing to settle for the crumbs he's throwing you!

Answer 5

Walk away from the married man. This whole affair is so false. This other man is not the man you married. He is not the man you have children with. He is not the man you pay bills with. He is not the man you deal with REAL issues with.



Have you considered the fact that the reason you are the way towards your current husband is a direct reflection of your affair? That YOUR own feelings of guilt are distancing you further and further from your husband? And if you TRULY wanted our of your marriage you'd have moved out of the house, filed for divorce, and all your loose ends would be tied. Instead of saying "I am leaving" and "I am unhappy" you'd have taken the steps to remove yourself from the situation with your husband. Trust me, that roommate situation you have going on is NOT in your children's best interests nor is it in YOUR or your husband's best interest. Yet, you have not left.



The married man is NOT going to leave his wife "for you". Although affairs are wrong, if BOTH parties were truly unhappy, they would divorce their spouses. It sounds to me like both you and the man you are having an affair with need to see a therapist, stop seeing eachother, and work on getting YOURSELVES healthy, mentally and emotionally.

Answer 6

Wow! I can't believe you had the nerve to post this crap. I for one hope nothing but the worst for both of you. If you and he felt so unhappy with your individual spouses you should have done the right thing and leave first, then pursue a relationship with someone else. I am appalled that you thought you could have a relationship with another man who is also married and walk away to happy bliss. KARMA IS A B-TCH WHO WILL VISIT YOU BOTH SOON ENOUGH..

Answer 7

You are a fool. You don't walk out on a lifetime commitment because you are "unhappy". People find ways to be discontented when they could just as easily find consolation nd contentment. you have a false idea of what marriage is or was supposed to be.





You are addicted to the escape and good feelings your partner in adultery gives you, but it has more to do with your own inner self than him. You are really discontented with yourself. Good for hi for feeling conflicted, at least he has some notion that his own "happiness" is not the be all and end all of his obligations.





I suggest you return to your own marriage and pay the hand of cards you chose. You don't have to be " in love" . As thrilling as that feeling is. It is transitory and illusory. Most marriagenpartnersnfall in and out and in love in cycles ; it's not all one big ecstacyfest and nobody promisednyou that.



I don't know what it is you feel empty about, but fulfillment and satisfaction in life comes from within, and from acting honorably in life. Maybe you feel you are getting old, maybe you are bored. Let me tell you, only boring people get bored.ne proble,m is not you marriage or husband but you.





Find something you can do with satisfaction with your husband, let your physical addiction to your cheating partner fade, and you will find love and satisfaction returning. Only you can click those ruby slippers

Answer 8

If he will not leave his wife then you should end the relationship & move on. You should not have gotten involved with a married man and you should end the relationship.



If he cheated on his wife with you-- do you think that he would do the same to you if yall were committed? I have found that most men who cheat will cheat on the person they cheated with. Cut your losses and move on. If you are unhappily married get a divorce- but also cut your losses with the married man as he is not going to leave his wife.



I can't wait as it won't be long and I will have my money and all my dreams will be coming true. To the idiots online-- I got bad news for you- the video footage clears me and you won't intimidate me with lies but you will get yourself arrested and proven a liar- learn to take no for an answer and learn that you can not intimidate me with lies-- I am not faking my death- Todd is not faking his death- the video footage clears me- and that is final- your a sore loser and a bold faced liar. You are out.

Answer 9

You DESERVE ALL THE PAIN YOU ARE EXPERIENCING AND MORE! YOU being unhappy in your marriage does NOT give you the right to interfere with another woman's marriage! BOTH Of you started the affair, he couldn't start it on his own, so YOU ARE acting like you're not as guilty!!! You are a HORRIBLE PERSON who has no SELF respect let alone respect for anyone else or being married!!! You wanted it you're getting it and DESERVE IT!

Answer 10

i think you know he is not leaving his wife so you might as well for now just live with that but soon you should pull away if not the resentment will set in if you don't believe me email me i will tell you a true story that will convince you. I am not just speaking my opinion here like all the others i know your situation as clear as glass.

Answer 11

Your situation has no logic behind it.

Your lover is not in love with you.

He's in love with the thrill of having sex with 2 different women that will do anything for his attention.



He's not going to leave his wife for you.

He can't possibly love you yet stay in his "loveless" marriage because he feels guilty.

If his marriage was as bad as he portrayed, he'd be taking the steps to get out of it.



You hurt a few people in your own household.

Don't you feel guilty about that?

Answer 12

dumb dumb dumb..



He's not going to leave her.. why would he? He's having his cake and eatting it too.. Tell him to look u up when u both start actting like grown ups instead of selfish little children that find it ok to screw up everyones lives for your own selfish reasons. Neither of u had any business seeing the other until u stopped your prior relationships, but ur both cowards.. gotta test the waters because u dont want to be alone.. funny thing is your gonna be even more alone then u were before..

Answer 13

He is not having a hard time morally leaving his wife, he is having a hard time financially leaving his wife.



He doesn't want to leave her. He wants to stay married and keep banging you.

Answer 14

Go find another married guy.



There are lots of marriages out there waiting for you to ruin.

Answer 15

You know the answer hun!!its only when you shut the door and mean it that you will see what hes made of,but,while he may well try to talk you round,dont kid yourself hes going to leave her for you,they very rarely do!!good luck

Answer 16

Dump the boy friend ( he will never leave ) and get back to being married. Don't do this again.

Answer 17

Walk away. you really need to be on your own. You may want to do so before you end up pregnant and alone.

Answer 18

If you live near Wisconsin, give me a call.

Answer 19

he will never leave her if you weren't cheating would you treat your husband better? looks like you will get to sleep alone in your own place

Answer 20

He isn't leaving his wife, and you are not leaving him.

Answer 21

You got in it by choice.

Answer 22

if you are not happy walk away be happy SWEET MILDRED IS MY LEADER..CRAWL INTO HER PLAYPEN WITH ME ***

:)