I am sick of my husbands ex bleeding him for money!!!!Are you?

Question

My husband and his ex get along for the kids sake, which is good. I am behind that. My step daughter is getting ready to go into college(full scholarship thank goodness) anyway every time I turn around his daughter is asking for something else. She expects her father to pay for all sorts of things. I know thats coming from mom. Recently I heard mom on the cell phone saying now his daughter needs a storage room for the things that don't fit in her dorm room. WHAT? I went to college I can't imagine what she wants a storage for. More money to come out monthly. Its always something, his daughter is very very spoiled. I don't know where her mother thinks all this money comes from. She turned 18 in Jan and he agreed to pay child support through the summer until she gets into college. Why? who knows. He pays for his son too. He bought her a 1500.00 graduation gift, but the hot water gets shut off because it wasn't paid. I was furious! I can't say anything to him about this without a fight.

Answer 1

It's his child. Why wouldn't he pay whatever he could for her? If he were still married to her mother, he would be paying for all kinds of things.

As for not paying the bills on time-- that's just poor budgeting and planning.

Answer 2

well my dear you knew you were marrying a man w/kids and all though he pays support there are things that come up. and now that she's in college and 18,his obligations are over,but know that as parents your job never stops. i too think she's spoiled,but a storage locker is not a necessity so that should be paid by mom and not him. it seems to me you may need marital counseling as well as individual counseling to help YOU deal properly w/this situation. it's never easy being the second wife trust me i know. and my husband has 1 ex wife and 1 ex gf and has a child w/each and we're always getting the i need money calls. my stepson too is now off to college w/ a full scolarship but we plan on sending him money to help him out though,but you're right your household bills SHOULD be paid first. again get help and since she's the last kid to leave the home there's no real reason he should be communicating w/ the ex. his children can NOW call dad on their OWN. i hope that helped.

Answer 3

If he is paying through the summer... I take she is still a senior in high school? Most states require CS to be paid until the child turns 18, unless they are still in high school, then it is until that child graduates....



From what you've stated... it seems the daughter (who is "very very spoiled" as you wrote it) is bleeding your husband... not the ex wife.



Sounds like your husband is one awesome Father... He takes care of his kids. Be proud of that. And, sounds like you may need to have a talk to him... Not about the ex wife, but about the daughter. It also sounds like you may be a little jealous of the entire situation.



All I can say is that he gave her a $1500.00 graduation gift... not the ex wife....



Also, how can the hot water get shut off?? I mean I've heard of the gas, water or electricity be shut off... but not "hot water"...

Answer 4

My boyfriend does the very same thing with his children ages 17, 20, 22, and 24. The mother does not ever pay anything toward any expenses. I was actually going to marry this man. Recently, I have had reason to believe that my needs and the needs of my 2 small boys would always take a distant second place to the needs of his spoiled kids. He tries to do this because they had a rotten childhood. But, like your husband, his utilities are about to be shut off but he continues to pay for orthodontics appointments, the kid's over due cell phone bills ($530.00) , summer camp for a 17 year old, blah blah blah. I am so put off by the way he disregards his own finances in order for them to have extras they don't need. We were trying to buy a house and because he did this extra stuff, he now does not have the money for a down payment. I am just about through with this. No real advice. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. Email me if you would like to talk further.

Answer 5

I feel you honey!!! My husband's ex gives the meaning to gold digger! She wants and wants, and then wants some more. Of course, "it's all for the child" according to her. I agree that these fathers need to take care of their children, but there should be something done with all these "single" mothers that do absolutely nothing but think of ways to get more money from there baby's daddy. If his daughter is 18 then she's old enough to get a part time job and pay for her own storage. You should tell your husband how you feel, whether it starts a fight or not. And I would also tell him that if his daughter needs something she has a mother also.

Answer 6

Yes, this is a very touchy subject . From what it seems the daughter is very spoiled and she and/or the mom may be taking advantage of his funds. However, it really wouldn't be proper for this to come from you. It will only cause more problems. Your husband needs to see and speak on this on his own (with alittle help from you if he cannot see it on his own). This is for him to address, not really you.



Now since it is affecting your household (utilities, etc) make sure you don't help him in areas that his money is short. For instance, if it is his responsibility to take care of the hot water and he is short this month because of senseless spending on his "grown" daughter, then do nothing. Do not help. You have to make him feel his own mistakes. Even if he were with the mother he still should not be spending on stupid stuff. You have to step back and let him see his own mistakes even if you have to hold your tongue or sacrifice for a minute (ie. no hot water...)

Answer 7

some custody orders say the noncustodial parent has to pay child support until the child is 21 if they go to college or that the noncustodial parent has to pay for college. So be glad if he gets out of it before then.



as to the daughter being spoiled, blame your husband, he's played his part in that and will continue to do so as long as she calls and says "daaaaddddy, can you give me some money for X". She's playing on his guilt and don't bet that it's always mom who puts her up to it--she knows the drill.



you knew what you were getting into when you married him.

Answer 8

I was in a situation like that, mine was, he wanted me, but obviously not feeling commited, never let go of his 1st marriage, I observed. He was worked over and made to feel guilty and fed into that big time. The ex railroaded me out. When the kids got older, they complained about every penny he spent on me. If he would of died, I would of been in the streets, (we were not married), so, I was smart, saved my money, bought a real cheap house and moved on. Now he is alone, kids are in relationships, he lets them all work in his small business, not meant to support 3 families, so he is broke, his ex has been married to a rich man and he still pines for me. Divorce is tough and it got me to toughen up in the long run, in many ways.

Answer 9

I wouldn't put up with it........ the way I look at it is - by paying for these things - that is helping the EX - because then these items don't have to come out of more pocket..

SO - Less money in your pocket - and more money in her pocket...



AND..besides - does the stepdaughter even appreciated it - or, is she the type that acts like "mom" did the great thing for her....

and as far as storage.. HELLLOOOO store it at moms house whatever you don't need at colllege..you don't need a "storage room"....

Answer 10

Yes, but did the hot water get shut off because of lack of funds, or was it carelessness?



If it was lack of funds, you have a valid point, especially if you two have kids, which you don't mention.



And on the rest, it just depends if you have kids. If you don't, then you're going to have to get over it. If you do, however, I see part of what you're saying.

Answer 11

He children were there before you, and if you keep this up, they will be there AFTER you. Obviously, your husband is most likely spending money on his kids out of guilt. That's his prerogative and you have nothing to say about it. You never should have married him since you are so obviously bitter about his children.

Answer 12

Might as well get used to it or get a divorce cause sometimes this is just how it turns out.

Answer 13

Whenever he gets a backbone this will be resolved. If they are bleeding your husband then they are also bleeding you. It's great that he takes care of his daughter but he can't be that selfish if buying luxuries is affecting his family.

Answer 14

Wow she has a great father! To bad you don't agree, I bet you did when you first got together though, and now he puts his daughter first, gee I wonder why?

Answer 15

this isn't all her fault. your husband is allowing this to happen, and untill he stands up to them it will continue.



good luck

Answer 16

You are eating his kid's food money. And getting fat on it too.