is it wrong for my husband and i to keep to ourselves?

Question

my husband and i have been together for 3 years. we have a 6 year old son(his step son) and a 7month old baby girl. we enjoy spending family time together, just the 4 of us. we go places, eat out together, go to movies, etc. we are very outgoing. me and my husband also attend full time college together and he also works.me and him also enjoy spending quality time with eachother. we entertain ourselves by reading, homework, going on dates when we are lucky enough to get a sitter lol, play videogames, play card games, etc. but the last few months our famlies ( his and mine) are very pushy and outspoken about how we dont spend enough time with them. its getting to the point to where they are getting offended and very upset with us and treating us like we are doing something horribly wrong. we are starting to feel outcasted. my SIL is even calling us selfish b*tches and saying that we need to get our priorities striaght and make time for them. we do visit with them from time to time,just drop by and say hi or hoidays but we really enjoy our quiet little home/family and we also enjoy keeping to ourselves. me and my husband both agree we are happy with our lives the way they are . but im starting to feel guilty and low about myslef for the way my inlaws and my family talk to us/about us. are they right? we have always welcomed them to our home anytime in fact we even have an outside set up for guests with a bbq pit, bar, pool, etc. but in the past 3 years they (our families) have only came around a hand ful of times.

Answer 1

Please do not feel guilty. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing and your sister-in-law is out-of-line. Frankly speaking, your priority is to your spouse and to your family unit (you, husband, and children), not to extended family members. You two need to have a united front and let your families know that you are giving them as much time as you can and they have to accept that.



The Holy Bible says, "And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." (Genesis 2:23-34 KJV).



And Jesus confirmed it in the New Testament, "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." (St. Matthew 19:5-6 KJV). You can find something similar in St. Mark 10:7-8.



Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

If you and your husband are both happy spending time as a family I don't see a problem. It sounds like the two of you are friends as well as spouses and that is great! It also sounds as though you don't shun guests you simply find it easier to entertain in your own home ( I am basing this on the addition of your guest areas). I will say this, if you want to make more time or feel pressured to do so make a time once a month ( or more if you are comfortable) for dinner at the in-laws or your family. also consider offering to host family functions in your home. Like I said, if you are happy that's great, this is only a suggestion if you would like to improve relationships.



My husband and I are very similar. We are happy being at home with our kids and then out as a family or couple and make extended family time a rare thing. We do have friends and do some things apart, but we enjoy our lives with us and our kids.

Answer 3

Maybe they don't understand that two people could be happy in each others' company as much as you two obviously are. And so they may be thinking that something is wrong with such an "obsessive" relationship. (I'm not saying it's obsessive - just expressing what they might be fearing.)



I'd ask them what their views are on spending time with them. Then work out a compromise. And remind them that they are welcome to drop in on you. If there are times when you REALLY don't want people dropping in, say so. For a while, we had a "no friends/no non-immediate family" policy for Tuesday nights because it was the only time of the week when we could be together as a family. Now obviously that isn't a problem for you but there might be times where there's too much going on to want people popping in, such as the 6 year old might have an activity that you take him to and you only have a short time to get out the door after getting home from college.



Try to reach some kind of solution that keeps everyone pretty happy - if you can, it's good to say on good terms with your family because they can be part of your support network in difficult times. And having NOT had that for many years, I'm aware of how valuable it is.

Answer 4

First off i want to say that i give you and your husband the most respect..for your lasting marriage and attending full time college together.You two are the most outgoing,nicest,complete couple of love birds.So for you and your husband family to make y'all feel like y'all are not apart.. then they must be some of (no disrespect)the most unhappy,selfish,jealous,disrespectful,heartless,hateful,family members.I just hope a mom and a dad are not in voled in this negative situation.But the most important thing is not to let this drive wedge in between y'all relationship. The more and more negative talk that arise so should the love.And no they are not right for saying negative words that has been going on the past three months..cause if they really cared

they would feel better knowing that you guys are happy..and not to be trying to keep y'all down but keep lifting your spirits up and staying there.every time you start to feel low and guilty about your self just say to yourself....i have a great husband great life and were gonna have a great out going family life with each other.You do that i promised you wont feel that same way about yourself.So don't feel low and depressed about yourself cause you and your husband is not wrong for keeping it to yourselves cause you are happy that way and you deserve it. So in closing i would like to say that to continue to live your happy lives and make more happy memories.And If your family don't like it (espSIL) then tell them we love our lives and we love you but if you keep doing this to us then we gonna have to let you go for a while.Love and truth will always win hate and jealousy will lose in the end.GOD BLESS AND I WILL PRAY THAT EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT.



P.S remember three things 1 “Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment”

2“I've learned that no matter how a family is , they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that.”3“The best inheritance that parents can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.”

Answer 5

Try sending emails with pics of the kids or even post on face book. Maybe if they see what you do all day they will see that you just dont have all the free time they think you do. Talk more on the phone and see whats going on with the family. Sometimes it only takes a few mins of talking to Mom and Dad to make them happy.

Answer 6

You guys sound a lot like like my husband and I and I see nothing wrong with what you are doing! We have four kids and we are always doing stuff with the kids, and we make time for each other, but we do little with other people, including other family members. Frankly, there isn't much time! My husband works full time and attends law school, I'm very active in my kid's school activities and I take classes on-line. I also take care of my elderly dad since my mom died. We make sure we see our families during holidays and birthdays, and we go visit them when we can and they are welcome here anytime, but our priority is our family.

Answer 7

We much prefer to be by ourselves too....just with our daughter. We both work stressful jobs, involving the public, and I go to school full-time as well, and by Friday night, have had our fill of people. We get together with our families once a month or so, and that's enough. If people don't understand, well, to hell with them. We love our alone time.

Answer 8

Your SIL Needs to mind her own business, and keep her opinions to herself (she sounds like a PITA) Who would want to be around that?)..You are not married to her...I'm with you guys, spend all the quality time you can get with your own immediate family...I say only see everyone on holidays. Maybe every couple of months. ( if your close to the family)...Why do they want to be up your butts. Do they not have their own lives?...Tell them you love them, but are busy with other things...I dont think Id want to hang out with anyone that called me and my husband selfish bxxxxx...Dont feel guilty...You have the right to your own life...and to choose who and when you spend your time...geeze, you poor thing..good luck!

Answer 9

It is very important to put your family first. Your extended family is to be second. Don't feel guilty. In laws and parents can be really tough on a family. You need to have your boundaries and live by them. You need to dispel their expectations by confronting them. Tell them: "We are really busy and come by when we can make it. Please don't pressure to be by more often. We are visiting because we want to see you, not because you expect us. Please don't put that kind of expectation on us. If you do, we may just come by even less because we do not want to be under that kind of pressure."



You need to live your life, and not live according to what other people expect of you. There will always people who will expect this or that and get disappointed. Be strong and let them be disappointed. It sounds to me that your parents have always put unreasonable expectations. In that situation it is best to keep them at arm's length.

Answer 10

sounds to me like you have a full schedule and an occasional visit them coming to your home or you to theirs is adequate. i dont personally like to be up anyones butt and i like my privacy. i call my siblings and nephews... but i dont see them much, our parents have passed on. we all have our own lives but upon occasion perhaps once a year get together for a family get together everyone brings a dish... really its not good to be too social with friends and relatives as your personal business and problems need to be your own business not your whole families... you have your doors open to them too so what is their problem... you have to set and keep boundaries and when you do some folks revolt... but too bad. perhaps a set date every 3 or 4 months you all have a get together at someones home... share it around but keep your personal business private... you did not marry his family nor him yours.

Answer 11

I would compromise. Try to incorporate some more time with the extended family, but you don't have to go crazy. I totally get the just wanting some quality time with the people closest to you (especially when you have a busy schedule and barely get time to see them) but it really sucks years down the road when they have written you off and you have no connection to your family anymore.