My husband went crazy!!!!??

Question

My husband today I think he lost his mind!!! He has always told me not to approach him with any non important or emergency issues when he gets home from work or school, so I waited until 6 pm after I came back from doing my roots. I told him I had seen a porn video he had download it from kendra the girls next door actress. I told him I had seen it while burning a cd that I did this morning to take on the ride with me, let me add that he is currently going to school for IT. Since he had the entire living room transformed into a server room for his case studies I went to the computer in the room to do my stuff, it was seriously acting up n who to call if not the IT guy? Well, more to his surprise it was a virus inputing shortcuts of porn sites on the desktop, he ran a security software but didn't help, he went back to "the server room" and I guess he started looking for his porn video much to his surprise not only that one but all of the videos xxx he had in there got erased. The super rage he went into was unimaginable, he started caling me a liar, that I had erased the video(kendra) on his 3 computers, that he can't trust me anymore and that he is putting password to everything, he went on and on and on, I wasn't lying, I didn't erase it, I don't like arguments so I rather tell the truth and face consequesces than lie and create mistrust and doubts, well, he went as far as saying that this damn kid doesn't even let him think or study, at that point of the argument the baby that was in bed already for the night, started screaming hysterically and crying uncontrollably, I went to get milk to calm him down and putting back in bed, well he had it on his arms at that point and I told him to put him down to get him to sleep, he threw the baby on the crib and went on to grab me by the neck and throw me against the wall to yell on my face and say more none sense about his streght and valor and blah blah blah, I let him finish my goal was my baby, he needed me n I didn't need the fight or get severly hurt and not be able to go to my baby's side. I calmed him down, and went back outside to a very angry husband, he went on to say that the point wasn't the porn was that I erased it I said one more time that I didn't he raised his finger and said ah ah I'm speaking, I lost him at some point cause it was too ridiculous to continue on it, he went on to call my family to tell them that I need it to chill, he also threatnen to leave to what I said, well I'm not stopping u, he said we spend too much time together and that I'm always there and I'm everywhere, well he doesn't have a job, neither do I, we both got "laid off" when the baby was born, 1 year ago, since we have been thru thick and thin.

I honestly don't know what the hell is wrong with him!!! Why would a man go so overboard for a freaking porno flick that can be downloaded again!!! I didn't erase it that I'm sure of, I know what he does 80% of the time and some things are childish and some very inmature n stupid but I never give him crap for anything, I know he watches porn on the phone and we even watch it together when tiredness doesn't overcome our bodies :-) so why would I simply mention that I saw the video and go and erase it? That's ridiculous!!! If I had erased it I wouldn't have said anything, why create suspicions when u can simply say I dunno!! Well the point is that I am very upset and I don't really fe hurt about the porn thing but his behavior did made me feel mad. Why insult your wife, your right hand, the mother of your child over a porno flick that in all honesty it is the worst shi..t I've ever seen!!!
I looked for comfort and advise on my in-laws, they are very involved in our lives and know what he is capable of and addicted to as well.

I don't think a husband, a father, a proffessional like he loves to call himself!! Should treat a woman, his wife! Like that, insult her and make his child cry!!

Please I need advise, comments, I am sitting in the livingroom cause I don't even want to talk to him not that he has made an effort to either or apologize for that matter.

SERIOUS COMMENTS AND ADVISES PLEASE......thank you

Answer 1

I honestly don't think it was because of the porn. It sounds to me more like his stress levels at the point of hearing the bad news just 'popped' he simply overloaded. With a new baby and the loss of both jobs your daily stress would be extreme to say the least. The big factor here in my opinion is the way he dealt with his anger. I suggest the two of you talk to a professional right away. It may be something you feel you cannot afford right now but in the long run you can't afford not to.

Answer 2

Baffled:

The main point is that you should get out of there. He is violent and at some point will end up hurting you or the baby. Whatever his problem is, it is not your job to find out, Your job is just to keep your baby and self safe. If you can go to your parents house better yet get out of the state and divorce him.





I know this sounds extreme but there are many examples of husbands like this killing their wives.



Are you from here another country? Do you have anywhere to go? If not go to a shelter for abused women and report him to the police. Don't tell him just leave when he is at work and don't tell anyone where you are going. Asks a social worker at the Social Services office if you cannot find information.



No matter what he says, never go back to him. He will be violent again and again.

His behavior is going to get worse. The behavior he displayed would be called domestic violence

Please read the article below. If you can, go to the public library because he probably reads your mail.



Never threaten to call the police or leave, the abuse will get worse.

Answer 3

I was not there but it sound like he had a psycho fit and he may feel like he is not doing everything for you two that he can and became overwelled. If he threw your baby into the crib you need to get away he doesnt know what he is doing. He could hurt your child and you would never forgive yourself for not getting out of the situation.It sounds like he has his own opinions and that they are strong. If he often has these fits then I would leave I put up with sudden bouts of anger for 3 years and I realised that he was aweful and that it was very unhealthy for our child also. If this is a rare occurence for him then give him space and maybe even leave for a night and he should say he was sorry and come to his sences. But if he doesnt then he is childish and selfish. You need to have him go to therapy even if it is just a minister at a church (free) so that he can clear up his issues. If this is a common occurance I would get away for a while until he gets help if I where you. If this is a one time thing he is over welled and protect your child if he is a psycho

Good luck hope this helps

Answer 4

Wowwy. Give him the silent treatment. Only speak the least amount of words. And show him how it hurt you. You should cry in front of him. Man I tell you guys are suckers. XD Uhh...i think you should leave for a couple days and ignore anything that has to do with him. You should take the baby with you. And I don't know how y'all are surviving with no pay checks coming in. Y'all need a job of course. That also gives you more time to be away from him since y'all are always together. And if he does this again threaten to call the police on him.

Answer 5

"I don't think a husband, a father, a professional like he loves to call himself!! Should treat a woman, his wife! Like that, insult her and make his child cry!!"

Then why are you asking this question? You know the answer. He is a lunatic and his over-reaction tells you loud and clear he was reacting to more than a simple computer issue. He has a SEVERE porn addiction. His reaction was like a heroin addict who had his stash flushed. I would wonder what else he was hiding. Maybe he was afraid you'd find something other than the porn. He twisted and turned at every cornered to blame you when you didn't even know what you were being blamed for. i wouldn't even take the bait for the fight. Tell him to knock it off and grow up. his behavior was despicable.

Answer 6

why are you still there, the fact he threw the baby in the crib is enough for me to pack a bag, the baby and leave... and call a lawyer. You seem more upset about yourself than the helpless baby.... a good mother would be a bear cat when a man laid one hand on the babes head. Hes a loser, he hasnt worked in a year, he is a porn addict and would toss his baby around over the erasing of it... save yourself years of heartache and move out and forward... without this loser.

Answer 7

Here's my guess -- unbeknown to you, he actually was trying to make money running a porn server in your living room... it got hacked and someone probably did a "site rip" and then wiped it, likely leaving him the little virus infection as a bonus. He probably had money you could not afford invested in his little project (maybe even in debt for it) and now all he has to show for it is the room full of infected machines. Or something like that.



Regardless of whatever the real story is, you need to take the baby and find a new life.

Answer 8

can't believe i read this.

once again the face of porn rears it's ugly head. so many marriages have ended because of that filth, even if the wife says it was no problem--well it became a problem.

you are 2'nd best in his life, if that. no he shouldn't treat you like dirt but he does because he feels he doesn't need you, he has his secret fantasy life in which he is in full control with no back talk from any woman.

you disrupted his world, and it even comes before the baby.

he needs deep counseling, the porn is running his life and it seems you have consented to be less than a wife, less than a sweetheart or a mistress.

when he is with you sexually he is using your body but fantasying about Kendra.

if you think not you are deluding yourself, just like he deludes himself that he is a professional.

you truly need to talk to a pastor, as for the infant--that was child abuse and it will escalate.

Answer 9

You deserve better. A real man doesn't behave that way. I know you've been through thick and thin but do you really want to spend the next 50 years this way? It's time for you to develop a predivorce exit plan, get a job, finish school and declare your independence. Remember what Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."

Answer 10

Its not like your actually goin to follow the advice of random people on yahoo answers but really? THats is a bad relationship and he is a bad man and he's hurting you and your child!! You need to get out of the relationship, and unlike the first person said (who by the way is an idiot) DON'T JUST AGREE. Dont dum urself down and dont or make ur feelings less important than his . dont just bow down to him. Marrage is 50-50 dont give him more than that, But my advice is that if ur relationship has redused you to asking random people for advice on yahoo answers, Then its time to leave that relationship

Answer 11

File for divorce since he tried to hurt u and ur kid just over a damn pron video if my bf does that ill give him a kick in his butt and say bye bye Honey i can find better guys than u. sorry but i dont think u should risk your child to any form of abuse. and if u think otherwise kiss n make up but i strongly recommend against it

Answer 12

I read the whole thing. And SERIOUSLY leave this guy or get him in anger management. This is a very unhealthy relationship and don't try to convince yourself that it is. If he is still violent and abusive (physically and emotionally) you need to LEAVE HIM.

Answer 13

You answered it for yourself!!



"I don't think a husband, a father, a proffessional like he loves to call himself!! Should treat a woman, his wife! Like that, insult her and make his child cry!!"

Answer 14

u honestly are a married couple

well spouses do fight over stupid things

re read what u just wrote

i didnt even finish reading it

ur going insane on something that shouldnt even matter

u know what

just knod ur head and be like ok whatever u say i did erase it believe wat u want

but ive told u the truth before and if u chose not to believe it im not going to waste my time on a pathetic porn video that u can download any day :S

like come on how serious is this

Answer 15

it wasn't that you supposedly deleted a Kendra video but he lost his entire prized collection on his desktop if i understood you correctly