My husband did not give me a christmas gift?

Question

Oh it is Christmas time,..
my husband said that this year he is not going to get me a Christmas gift. I agreed but I am hurt. He got a gift (which he always does) for his mom and grandma; but he did not for me. He does not give his brother any presents either.
We have been married only a year.
I don't want to be all dramatic, but I am really hurt by this. I love giving out gifts to people I love, so I do not understand.
We get along great, we love each other, but it really hurts me. He did not give me a birthday gift either. Why didn't he?

Answer 1

My husband didn't get me a gift either and we've been married almost 10 years. (Guess what, I didn't get him one either!) It's no big deal! Don't put such emphasis on material things!

Answer 2

He may have been raised in a family where gifts were not a big deal, and maybe his dad did not give his mom presents. Did you get him a gift? I usually give my husband a couple of "hints" as to what I would like, however since you agreed he would not get you anything he did exactly what you asked! Next time, tell him it would make you feel good if he would get you something small instead of nothing at all...maybe he will be more comfortable picking out a small gift (less pressure to get the pefect thing). Take it from an old married gal, you want to get this gift thing straightened out early or you are in for a lifetime of disappointments at holiday time. So, one small gift exchange between the two of you, and you will feel much better. Even if it's "let's fill each other's Christmas stockings next year

ONE OTHER THOUGHT.. some people don't like the idea of "having "to get a gift. Try making up a tradition for just the two of you to exchange gifts... maybe on New Years eve, or your own made up special day.

Answer 3

Sweetie, it sounds like you had no idea about the realities of marriage. Keeping things the way they were when you were dating was unrealistic. Marriage and dating are two completely different relationships and the rules do change after the ring goes on. Big Deal you didn't get a gift, you have a home, a husband and a family. There are many who never know that type of security. My husband and I did not exchange gifts this year either. We focused on our family and our son. Besides, Christmas is not supposed to be about the gifts. You really should be grateful for what you do have. You say that the two of you discussed not exchanging gifts before, you should have been prepared. And if it was ok then why isn't it now? If you wanted to do gifts you should have said so instead of placating your husband. Bringing it up to him is only going to cause problems for the both of you. Forget it, you will have many more Christmases together, and that is what you should be thankful for.

Answer 4

He kind of set up the situation so you would not be happy. He told you right off that he wasn't going to give. It wouldn't have mattered if you agreed or not.



The first few years my husband was like that (he kind of still is) but he does show how much he cares all year so it doesn't bother me. He buys me anything I want and this year for Christmas all I had to do is say the word and he would buy me a new car. Just that he would do it at the drop of a hat makes me realize how sweet he is. I don't want a new car for another six months or so because we are getting our finances under control.



Maybe he does care but he just feels it's too much pressure to try to find the right gift so he jsut gives up? I think my dh was like that early in our marriage. I would start telling him what he's getting you for coming holidays. That helped with me. I told him he was getting me a new computer for my birthday in july and when the day came closer we got online and bought it together.



If you get along great, wait til you cool off and talk about how hurt you feel and tell him gently what you want and what you see for your future as far as holidays go.



Good luck. I know it's a sore spot for many wives as evidenced by the posters here.

Answer 5

Does he know how you feel? We never give each other gifts for birthdays and holidays. We started to at Christmas a few years ago because the kids complained that we did not get anything. It was a mutual decision though and both of us did not care. He probably figures that you do not care since you did not say anything when he told you. I would talk to him. Have a calm discussion and try not to get upset.

Answer 6

Either he has no idea what to get you, so he doesn't get you anything, or he isn't as giving a person as you are. He may find the whole gift giving tradition frivolous, or he is just cheap. You shouldn't be upset about it this time though. He did say he wasn't going to get you anything, and you agreed. Maybe just bring it up again and say "You know how I said it was OK to not get me a gift?, Well I changed my mind. I would appreciate it if you could at least get me something small, just so I know I am appreciated." Or something to that effect......

Answer 7

It is really time to seek professional counselling . It doesn't look like your marriage is going to last long otherwise . Seems like you are doing all the giving and that isn't how it should be . Sometimes love is not a good enough reason to stay in a relationship that is harming you . It hurts to admit it , worse than you can imagine but sometimes it is necessary . Think how you would feel to see your future children treated this way .

Answer 8

My hubby and I do not exchange Christmas gifts. We buy a gift for us together. This year we are getting a new camera.



It would hurt my feelings if I gave him a gift and he didn't get me one. You need to make sure that you and your hubby are on the same page. It sounds like there is a little gap in communication.

Answer 9

You need to talk to your hubby and tell him how it makes you feel not getting a gift, I see a lot of women on her did not get gifts from there hubbies, very said, I am sending out a gift of hugs to you all and a cheer of hope for the new year to be different for you all, I wish I had a lot of money I would send you all roses and a nice diamond neck less.

Answer 10

He had already told you he wasn't and you agreed and now you are hurt he didn't. Think about that-if it was going to bother you why didn't you tell him when he brought it up. You are not communicating and expect him to know that you really aren't agreeing with what he said but agreed anyway because he will know that. Men aren't that smart and neither are women-if it bothers you say something but if you agree with it then you have no right to feel bad or sorry for yourself about it. Just ebcause you like ding something does not mean everyone else does.

Answer 11

Some people are just this way about gift giving. If you love giving out gifts, give them to the people that deserve them. If he doesn't give you a gift, then don't give him one. Or you can try to talk to him and let him know how this makes you feel.

Answer 12

Be honest. Either it matters to you or it doesn't. For myself, it matters. It didn't always, but things change. I think if something is important to you and you tell your partner, either they get it; hear you; understand what you said, or they don't and you've done all you can.

People either care about you or they don't. Be honest with them then be honest with yourself. What do they want from you? What do you want from them?

For me it's not a gift. A gift is a token, it's something more profound than that.

Answer 13

Had that situation. I bought myself flowers, nice card and said oh this is what HE got me.. I didn't get a gift for years for any occaision. I'd have been happy with a candy bar, but, he said he never had enough $. Funny. There was always plenty for beer and cigs. It's all in priorities. We are no longer together, by the way..

Answer 14

My husband didn't get me a gift either....never has in over 10 years.

Answer 15

That is a little bit strange, but honestly I don't think its a huge deal. If you love each other then that's really all that matters. If this hurts you though, you should talk to him because if he loves you I'm sure he'll understand. You just have to communicate with him.

Answer 16

Obviously when he was courting you that is all he was doing. Obviously you didn't give your relationship enough time to find out what type of man he really was...obviously you married a fantasy and now that reality has set in you don't like it. You should have waited long enough to know your husband before marrying him.

Answer 17

Why did you agree for him not to get you a gift if you really wanted one? Tell him he has hurt your feelings.

Answer 18

Sit down and tell him how you feel. Maybe his parents never exchanged gifts and he thinks thats normal. You have to talk to him and let him know what you want and expect early in the marriage, otherwise he will never know.

Answer 19

i would just tell him if he can afford to get his mom and grandma something he can afford to get you something.. you are his wife after all.. your the one the cooks and cleans after him...and a gift would be nice.. what i am saying is if he dont want to spend the money then dont spend it on anyone.. it does sound petty but it is more then just getting you a gift.. dont let it eat at you though.. say what you want to say and dont harp on it.. remember not to get him anything if he continues to be this way.. good luck

Answer 20

You might love him - but does he love you? His loved ones got gifts (His mother and Sister) you and his brother didn't, if you can figure out how he feels about his brother you will know how he feels about you.

Answer 21

If getting a Christmas gift is important to you....it should be important to your husband.



If he doesn't care about you.....your marriage is in trouble.



See a counselor without him if necessary.

Answer 22

My husband didn't either & he did get one for his mom, brother, grandma, father... nieces...



I'm a little hurt too

Answer 23

It sounds like he doesn't realize just how important it is to you. i would talk to him about it and let him know how you feel. My husband did that to me a few times and so I just went out and bought myself something.

Answer 24

I didnt get one either but everyone else did. I thnk its might be a thing since were married now, almost like they dont have to buy us things. :(

Answer 25

If he has a lot of money you should be mad. But if money is tight with him I can understand. He may not be able to buy you something nice and something small might seam silly to him.

Answer 26

that is awful. My hubby took me to get mine about a week before Chrismas but he made sure I still had something to open Christmas morning. You need to kick his but and tell him that you will not put up with it. It is rude and disrespectfull!

Answer 27

i feel your pain, my wife did not get me anything either

Answer 28

this is a prime example of women saying one thing but meaning another.



do as you say and as you do

Answer 29

you have not been taking him to the pleasure palace, have you?