My boyfriend had a lap dance in mexico. The stripper pulled out his cock from his pants... Is this cheating?

Question

My boyfriend took me and my daughter on a trip to Mexico recently. The night we arrived, he went out into town to check out the local scene. I stayed behind in our hotel room- as my daughter was only 5, and there were no baby-sitting services on the resort we felt comfortable with. I found out the next day my boyfriend had met a local who had took him to a strip club. He told me had a lap dance. I was pretty hurt by this- but didn't really want to make him feel bad, as I have never dated a man who has gone to a strip club and I know there are many women who find it to be no big deal, and I thought I should give it a chance. But, when we got back to Canada my boyfriend started to not feel very well. He then told me he was worried about maybe having contracted an STD in Mexico, because he had had a lap dance, and during it the performer had unzipped his pants and pulled out his cock. He told me he wasn't hard, and that she tried to grind on him, but he then put his cock back in his pants. She was wearing underwear during the lap dance- a thong. He was worried that some of her vaginal fluids had gotten on his cock... He went to the doctor and was tested and the results were negative. So we heaved a big sigh of relief. But during this time I felt really sad. I told him this, and asked him why he felt he needed to go to a strip club? and if that was usually happened at strip clubs- that strippers can touch the customer like that. He was very open with me about what happened, and also pointed out he wasn't hard because she wasn't good-looking... but this didn't make me feel better, my immediate question then was: what if she had been goodlooking? How far would the lap dance have gone? I felt like I had been cheated on- or that it could have happened had she been attractive to my partner... am I wrong in asking these questions? Obviously many women will feel "hey, no big deal. If the relationship is secure you shouldn't worry." But others will feel that it is a betrayal on some form. I feel insecure about it... and would like people to weigh in on how they might feel. Thanks.

Answer 1

it doesnt matter what other women feel, what you feel is what matters! if you feel betrayed they are your feelings and you have every right to feel that way. it is confusing and somewhat scary to hear that from your partner. it is not a usual thing to happen in a strip club, normally the strippers are not allowed to do that the same as the customers cannot touch the strippers. im sure that your husband can be trusted and you have nothing to worry about. as he said he did not let this continue and as quickly as he could stopped the stripper from continuing. sit down with him again and talk through why you feel so betrayed. if you talk it through with him it will make things much clearer for you. I know I would feel slightly betrayed if this happened but he loves you, you love him, talk it though and he needs to understand that this is a betrayal of sorts, good luck and i hope it all goes well for you

Answer 2

If you consider a lap dance in and of itself cheating, a position that isn t unreasonable, then yes this is cheating. Some think it is harmless fun, others like me feel it is very uncomfortable to have your significant other doing that with another person. If you think a lap dance overall is ok, then this should also be ok. Rather bizarrely, this could be considered sexual assault from the stripper, although it is likely that he rather liked it but stopped her anyway. I cannot blame him for the dick thing. In fact, I can kind of feel sorry for him if he didn t like it. And a second or two of outright surprise before stopping it is also ok, deer caught in headlights syndrome is only human.



As for strip clubs/lap dances overalI, I personally would say that I prefer my partner to keep out of strip clubs, especially in our home town. And that I consider lap dances off limits with the only exception of bachelor parties for real close friends and that is only because I don t want him to be a party pooper on that particular day, even though I think that this particular tradition is one that should go the way of the dinosaur. He shouldn t volunteer, and I would very much appreciate it if he tried his best not to like it. To me this feels almost as intimate an act as a hand job, and if you are with me then you have to accept that.



Prostitutes or sex with anyone but me and he should expect me to leave him right away, especially if I find out from someone other than him.

Answer 3

honestly sounds like he went out and just cheated on you :( who in their right mind would go to a strip club with a random person on the street.. and his story is a tad ridiculous. even if this did happen why in the world would he let this stripper do that strippers arent allowed to touch you and thats for THEIR safety....

Answer 4

Your boyfriend was essentially serviced by a prostitute while in Mexico. If you are ok with him having sexual activity with paid women in addition to you, then not to worry. However, if you are not ok with him using prostitutes to supplement his sex with you, then maybe you should dump his sorry butt.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I don't think going to a strip club is a big deal and a lap dance is questionable however when she reached for his zipper to pull his cock out now that is completely unacceptable and you have a right to be upset. Plus you were on a trip as a family so he should have been with both of you and not going off on his own while you are sitting in the hotel. As far as STD he must have done more if he is worried about it. Please....

Answer 7

That's f***ed up of him. If he really truely loved you he would have told the guy how brought him the (no I have a girlfriend.)!!!!!!THAT'S CHEATING!!!!!!! . Time for you to leave him who knows what he does when your not there.

Answer 8

That's not cheating in my opinion, but his answers lead me to believe that if she was hot, he would have cheated on you.