feeling hurt and scared?

Question

i'v been with this guy since i was 18 ,i married him when i was 27.he have always treated me bad ,when we got engaged he didnt propose to me he just said here's the ring put it on.he is always putting me down calling me lazy and other name plus calling me a s**t and a biT*h. he said i was before he met me so i am now. we have 2 kids together 10 and 4 ,one is like his dad now no respect.last night he told me dont ask for any of his money when he gets his cheque he'l pay few bills and thats it.i'm not working right now but i am looking and done a few interviews this week.and regards to lazy everything is tended to him even his meals .i never say no to him .we have seperate bedrooms says i snore and keeps him awake ,we only have sex when he wants it.i cry to myself alot.i want to leave but scared....

Answer 1

I really think you need to re-read what you wrote. You are "afraid to hurt him". Now read all of the things he has done and said that you mention here. It sounds like hurting you is an every day way of life for this butthead.



He is obviously an immature and abusive loser who needs to be alone for a while and consider how to treat someone with respect. I don't mean to sound critical here but you have allowed (yes, and I mean allowed) this man to treat you like garbage all of these years. I am not putting you down because I realize relationships where feelings are involved do not always allow a person to see a situation for what it is.



The truth is that he loves himself, not you. He cares about himself, not you.



Bottom line - if you are EVER to be happy, you need to leave. He will not change because why would he? He essentially has a slave who will do what he wants and does not have to give anything in return.



I would go get some personal counselling, as you need to feel strong enough in yourself to be able to walk out the door and realize what he does and not let him manipulate you into staying. I guarantee if you say you are leaving now, and mean it, he will become all sweet and caring to convince you to stay. Once you are back into a routine the same old abusive pattern will start and you will be back to crying yourself to sleep. He will never change for real and for good unless he comes to it on his own, and it sounds like the possibility of this happening is not very likely.



It is all about choice. Choose to be happy, and do what you need to do to get your life on track. We only have so much time on earth, so why waste one more second of your precious life dealing with an idiot. Go get your life back!!

Answer 2

Don't be afraid of hurting him. In your case, you may want want to shift your focus to your children instead. Protect them from the bad example of their father, or else their lives will come to reflect the abusive life they are witnessing now. They will either grow to allow people to abuse them, or they will become abusers themselves. Whatever you do, do not allow yourself to worry about hurting him. That should not be your concern. I am sure that is easier said than done. So start by going to the counseling yourself. It would be a great first step for you to begin talking to someone about your relationship. There is no excuse for the way your husband is treating you. You deserve much better. ...and at this point you must begin by treating yourself right. Don't wait, make a phone call today to find someone to talk to. That will be an excellent first step... and it will help you determine what your next step should be. I wish you all the best...

Answer 3

You are called a person that cares about others before yourself and that could be good or bad in many situations. We go through things for a reason life is a path we must learn how to be lead we make a lot of decisions without consulting the Lord and when we do that we suffer because of disobedience to what God is saying.God Loves you and want you and your family to be happy. When you are unequally yoked together you will suffer and sometimes you will have to reconsider was this the best decision for me to make. You are fearful and that will cause you to stay in a terrible situation sometimes even violent ones God keep telling us fear not he will be with you if you just have a little faith in God and hope in yourself you can make it through this. I never advise a women to stay in an abusive situation it is to dangerous for you and the kids but start to look only and you and tell me what you see. If you don't like what you see and you have to be very honest with yourself noone else will see anything different. Do you laugh, do you love with all the flaw you have do you still love being around you. Clear your mind you are so focused on all the problem you probably don't even think on all the things God have blessed you with life is never that bad as we and the enemy makes it out to be. Change you love you stay positive no matter what your children are the copy cats of their mother and father we are all they have until that grow up more. They see you as being weak, sorry to tell you this and have no power whatso ever you have to change what they see about you because God gave to charge over your little ones so you are suppose to train them up as unto the Lord its never to late. Keep trying to get that job it will help your confidence and if your over weigh start eating lighter and heathier for you and the kid sake. Don't judge people are people will judge you treat people how you want to be treated its two sides to every story.Are you a very nice person to the point of door mat. Stand up and believe in yourself that all you got. Be blessed and do things to change don't sit a wish on a star make it happen

Answer 4

Let's put it this way. If you leave him, it won't hurt his heart because it's unlikely he has one.

His ego most probably, because, right now, you're his rug!

So, HE may hurt you PHYSICALLY if you try to leave him. All the more reasons to do so and stay awya from him for good.

I read not long ago, about a girl who left her family to move in with her young boy friend that everybody was warning her of.

She wouldn't listen, had two children with him, and ended up confiding ther fears of him to her sister.

And guess what, the sister ended up killing the guy in self defense.

I'm telling you, he's putting you down because, he thinks that that's were you belong. He has no respect for you as he doesn't think you deserve any and by standing by him, you are telling him that he's right.

So, do yourself and your children a favour and get out.

Surely, you wouldn't want your children to be using the same type of behaviour towards you later on? then, you'd better start showing them that it's not right!

Answer 5

You need to get out now. I was with the same man for 16 years. Even though we had 4 children together, I decided that my well-being and my children's well-being were more important than hurting him. Right now he is in control, so break the control and be your own person. You can do it. You are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. It also sounds like you have your family and friend's support. Ask for help. Seek counseling for yourself and your children. It will get better, but you have to take the first step to making a better life for you and your children. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 6

This is a very unhealthy relationship. He is abusing you and using you. It is horrible. You dont deserve to be treated this way at all, especially since you seem very very good to him. Why worry about hurting someone that doesn't care about hurting you? Do yourself and your children a favor for once in your life and leave him. He is a loser and it doesn't seem he is going to change anytime soon. Don't be afraid, there are people out there who will support you. Especially your family and friends since they are encouraging you to get away from him. I know you will be okay! Good luck!

Answer 7

Well this goes back to a question i answered a few minutes ago. What would you sacrifice for your children. Does he treat his children good now or is it just you he treats like sh*t? If your son is already picking up his attitude thats scarey. Sounds like for you and your children you need to find a different way of life. Leaving is hard but that doesnt mean you have to do it tommorrow. But if you did there are so many programs for single moms..research them thats what their there for ..people in need. Looking into the future i wouldnt want my child to treat his wife like that or i wouldnt want my daughter to think being treated like that was normal. Good Luck to you. Making the first step is the hardest but the 2nd and 3rd get easier.

Answer 8

And, what kind of life is that? And, apparently your son is already picking up on his Dad's example. You need to break the cycle. Do you have any friends or family that would help you get on your feet? Look in the phone book for a womens' shelter. Actively pursue getting a job, so you have some independence, but do something!!

Answer 9

you recognize the end results of being in touch with a married guy and additionally the form of guy (a liar, a cheater and someone) he's, yet you prefer to maintain putting directly to him - so who's in charge? Why do you preserve permitting your self to be pounished!!!! you may desire to acquire your self and admit to the shown fact that the form of dating which you're in with him is on no account going to get you everywhere different than to greater hurtings, sufferings and discomfort. The lies, the deceits and the cheatings will bypass on and on..... do no longer stay a sucker and permit him to hire you lower back and lower back lower back to fulfill his very own "lust" and egocentric desires- sufficient is sufficient! minimize him out of your existence and minimize off all contacts and links with him. it is going to likely be confusing for the preliminary era yet after some time, issues will start to get greater useful and you will discover which you may stay (a lot happier too!) without him. discover somebody new, somebody who will handle you with the honour it is proper and supply you the affection it is real. you will by no skill have the skill to start finding somebody new until you first enable bypass of this skunk which you're clinging to. continuously your determination - make a sensible selection at present and you may give up the hurting, the sensation of being scared and you may regain a level of self-admire for your self. Regain your man or woman existence, your self-admire and dignity by skill of refusing to be taken care of like door-mat, used and trampled on and then discarded.

Answer 10

Please people, don't play around with this question.



You are in an abusive situation. And you need help. NOW. Not later. While you didn't indicate your location, almost all areas have women's centers or city/county services dedicated to helping women like you. They are confidential, they are experienced and they truely care.



You must contact one of these organizations. If you don't know of one and are having any difficulty finding one, please call the police non-emergency line. You will not have to give your name and they will either help you find the right place or put you in touch with someone who can.



You can also go to ANY religious official, a Priest, Minister, Rabbi, it doesn't matter. It doesn't have to be from your church or even from your faith. They will help you find what you need.



You cannot wait. Please do not wait. I know you feel that you are but you are truly not alone.

Answer 11

Hey....you made the decision to be with him and marry. You saw this in the very beginning and stayed anyway? Whats made it so intolerable now? Sure took you long enough to get around to seeing the light. Sad part is you're trapped.



I'm afraid this is the lifestyle you'll always live. If you haven't left already you never will. You're under his thumb and allow yourself not only to be placed there but squeezed every day as well.



Before you even ask for help or advice you have to help yourself. Crying about it does no good.

Answer 12

You need to think as yourself as a person .And don't let people treat you like a dog.Stand up for yourself and not put up with it.Are you dieing?No.Are you helpless?No.Do you have two feet to stand on?Then use them feet and walk.People need to stop letting others bully them.God gave us all a brain.Use it to your liking.You know he is an as.....Find somewhere to go and make him see you are sick of it.Or stay and be degraded all your life.Your kids don't need that sht.Do you want your kids thinking it's ok to treat or be treated like this.Do something and get out of this terrible mind abuse.Before it ruins you for good and you loose your self respect for good.

Answer 13

how can u leave a sensitive guy like that, quit being selfish and try to take his feelings into consideration also. he must be a saint to put up with u like he has over the yrs and u want to leave him now. get councelling, go see ur priest, talk to someone thats going to help u get ur head straight. hope u see the light

Answer 14

youre afraid of hurting him? he obviously doesnt care if he hurts you, have you forgotten that? dont be one of those women who are weak and just stay in the marriage when they can find someone else to love them fully, a man calling you names and always putting you down its not a right husband and that is not love. 8 out of 10 he'll wont feel a thing when he gets the divorce, stop being all stressed out and get a divorce

Answer 15

call womens battered shelter get some counseling and get away from that creep if you have family or friends move out now because mental abuse is horrible and you don't deserve that mental abusers have that power to make you think you are nothing but you are . Make that first step it will be hard but you can do it.

Answer 16

A great book..."Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". Get a job, put some money aside and get out. Do you want to live like this for another 20 years???

Answer 17

Sweetie I'm really sorry that you have to be subjected to this kind of abuse, its not right nor is it fair. And the fact that you have kids around this man is even scarier. You need to get out of that relationship ASAP. Here is a link with more info, I hope it helps...

Answer 18

That is very sad.

Only one solution: Leave him. Leave and take the kids.

He doesn't deserve you! What kind of a monster would be able to say those things to a woman that loves him? To a woman who has given birth to his children?!

Go to your parents, and file for divorce.

That stupid SOB doesn't even deserve to see the kids.

Answer 19

Wow, this is very much abuse. and you know what? Your son is going to be an abuser too unless you get out! You need to contact a close friend or family member to help you out of this situation. Believe me, this is not healthy. You don't deserve this, and there are plenty of programs available for someone in your situation. Please get out of there, this is horrible for you and your kids!

Answer 20

Look up your local battered women's shelter in the yellow pages online....

Answer 21

it is ok to be scared it is God giving you the energy to do what you need to do you need to leave alife on your own is better than what you have describe

Answer 22

http://www.womens-aid.org/





women's aid in crisis-contact and leave NOW