Married couples has this ever happened to you?

Question

I had a lot of stinky things happend to me when I was single and I thought getting married would be a better option.

I thought I was going to live happily ever after and be able to have the lifestyle my mom did which was to stay home and raise a large family.

That did not happen with me. I worked full time for many years and it was hard and grueling work and there were times I was mad and angry with my husband for not giving me a lifestyle that was easy and fun.

My questions are have you ever had high expecatations about marriage only to find out that is hard work and have you ever been angry at your spouse for not being what you thought they should be?

My last question is how did you get over this hump or hurdle and start being accepting of one another and becoming eachothers partner and best friend?

Answer 1

Grow up.



For years, I was TERRIFIED that I wasn't making enough money to keep my wife happy. I wanted her to be stay-at-home; but I also felt this was a luxury we could not afford. (I wanted to be able to afford to buy her gifts, or to take her on vacations, without going into massive debt).



Here we are, up to our armpits in debt, and NOW she tells me, she doesn't want or need all the money and affluence. (she sure spent her share! more than. far more than).



She says, all she wants is my attention and affection. I didn't believe her, so I just worked harder, went to school, and ended up ignoring her MORE.



Then, one day, I decided to try sacrificing my career, and spending more time with her.



And it has started to work. . .



Don't be obsessed about money. It will cause you more pain than you can imagine.

Answer 2

I feel for your husband. It must have been hard to go through 15 years of being the brunt of your anger when he was working. Times have changed since our parents were young. Also, what makes you think that being a stay at home mom is easy and fun? OK, it is great in that you get to be with your kids, but I've worked in the third world where there was no air conditioning or even water most of the time and I find being a SAHM much harder!



BUT I commend you for growing up and trying to find the right path. I think you two should start going out on "dates" at least twice a week if you can swing it. Dates don't have to be expensive or anything. Maybe a picnick in the park or start going for daily walks together. Get to know each other again. Join some sort of team together (bowling, soccer, bridge, whatever you like) and get some healthy compeititon going. Learn to laugh again. Do fun things. Buy some rollerskates and hold eachother up. Sure, it might be akward at first, but you are building a friendship which will carry you through the rest of your lives. Make it fun. Buy some lingerie.



Good luck to you. I really do understand that this was hard for you to come to terms with. We grow up with Cinderella stories which are so unrealistic and the reality of love and marriage just isn't brought up until we're in it. I do commend you for making it work.

Answer 3

Hi there I am a Divorced man ..But please still read my info

This is what people tend to do...You see everything you want is there everything you need is prob there also.

what people dont have or rather what they have lost is the reason they are both together in the first place. What brought them to each other. wether it was the look in there eyes or the way there smiles made each other feel... or how safe they felt together... that is what is missing.....

When people are together for awhile they tend to forget and take advantage of each other without even knowing it..

couples stop taking the time to just go out and be alone wether is is a walk going to dinner ect anything you both enjoy and can be alone to laugh and smile.. take the time atleast once a week no matter how busy your life is to just be alone... to enjoy each other...

a marriage isn't about what you have or keeping up with the jones...it is each other it is your heart.. ( yes money could help pay the bills) But love is much more. Love is no matter what... love is good times and bad... And remember it is the tough times that make us stronger. A person can't live life to the fullest just feeling ok... just feeling comfortable... just having a place to be... You can only live to your fullest if in your heart you are happy. it takes both of you to over come anything not just one of you... You together should feel there is nothing in the world that could break your love not even death......

Bless you both

Make each other smile make eachother laugh

you need to laugh to live

Norm

Answer 4

It happened to me. Got married 16 yrs ago, thought we'd have our own apt. at least, we ended up living with his parents from hell I couldn't take his Mom after 3 years we then moved in with my Dad cause we both did not make enough money at our jobs we could not afford to rent an apt. I know how you feel. I never had a house or kids now we are separated , I am in my 40's I wasted a lot of years hoping he would change FORGET it a person DOES NOT change. He can't work, he is on disability cause of anxiety and drinks like a fish. What a dream man I told him to go to rehab then we can have a future together and he will not go.

If you want to stay married go to therapy look in the yellow pages under mental health clinics they will go by a sliding fee scale if you don't have insurance.

Ask yourself "Are you in love with him?" If so try therapy if you or he doesn't feel love perhaps move on.

Life is NOT easy.

Good luck!

Answer 5

I am on a roll tonight because I am so mad. I have been married 6 years on 5/23/08 and I told him tonight to start looking for a place to live.



At one time, due to something really stupid he did, he lost his job. He told me he was looking for work and out putting applications in but he always seemed to be at home if I called. He didn't work for maybe 6 months. I took a part-time job on top of my full-time job to cover all the bills. I ended up working that part-time job for about 2 years and was ready to fall down and give up most of the time.



This is just one of the things that has happened in this 6 year marriage.

Answer 6

I have not had this problem. I did not think that it was his job to provide for me. We are in this together and together we will do it. I would live in a box happily if that is where we had to live because we would be there together. Your husband did not have a fun and easy lifestyle either and you probably made it worse by being hateful about it. Sorry to be so harsh but he did not owe you an easy lifestyle. I don't know how to answer you last question since you should have been this way from the beginning.

Answer 7

I don't think there is anything wrong with your spouse, but I do think there is a problem with the standard you try to hold them up to. If they are doing the best they can how can you expect more from them? I doubt they are lazy. You could be a stay at home mom if you just cut back on expenses, but some how I bet you would complain that that is also harder than you expected.

Answer 8

alright i can help you first of all marriage is taken too lightly by many ppl no matter what it will be a little work and you wont always agree but what you need to do is go on dates in your free time fun little stuff and do not i repeat do not have children until you are completely happy with your relationship i dont care what ppl say having children does not bring your marriage together get into a confortable happy life before taking that step and cuddle i know that might sound gay but that helps you come together sex is nothing unless you love the other person physically

Answer 9

What a blessing this must be for you! I truly understand what it feels like to work full time, carry all the responsibility financially, physically & emotionally of our family (we have four beautiful children) plus all cooking, cleaning & household duties. While he remains unemployed spending his time living a single's life. Although I held alot of negative emotions, I somehow keep the faith for a better life together. He's slowly coming around after 13 yrs of uncertainty & hardship combined with love & special memories. Like you said, within time we're learning the art of marriage...love & acceptance. Looking forward to happy days for all of us, aloha!

Answer 10

I never thought that my husband is responsible for getting me a life I want, we both work hard for what we want,

Each year we make up a list of thing we want to work toward and we try to get as much done as we can, whatever is not possible to have we put back on the list for the year after.



We work as a team and we always put our family first and of course a marriage is hard work, nothing in life is easy

Answer 11

well their was'nt a manual given to me !how to be a parent nor understand the world as it was a big smack in the face!!!!!!! it does take time to build on to things and be grateful for what you have now ! in the future coming soon we are all going to have much troubles and the ones who stick together are going to be the strong!!!!!! for the stumulate checks are suppose to ease everything but it went into the tank and holding on to the last 300 dollars for food !hoping it's still on the shielfs.... so in closing it took 13 years and you are grateful and thats saids alot!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 12

I never expected my husband to "give me a lifestyle". We are both educated, we both have careers, and we both work very hard. We are equal partners 100%. We share the housework, take turns cooking, take turns out without the children....everything is give and take. Life and marriage is not a fairytale. It's work.

Answer 13

If people want things, they need to get out and work for it and not be afraid to get their hands dirty. Why complain about the struggles? You made it. You worked hard and you made it.

Answer 14

actually, that didn't happen to me. my husband and i used to argue a lot before, but we got to mellow as our relationship grew. you could overcome obstacles by accepting yourself first and relizing you both aren't perfect. and that your mistakes are curable, if only you'd try to be on the other's shoe. lastly, pray that God leads your marriage.