Never going to get married...how can I begin to come to grips with that?

Question

I'm 29 and will be 30 by the end of the year. I've never been married and I have no kids. I don't even have a boyfriend and considering the fact that I've only dated to guys who have ever thought about/ wanted to marry me I don't see any chance of my luck changing. I get so jealous sometimes when I see other women who are younger than me and married. There's this one guy that I liked for a long time who married someone else recently and his wife--the mere thought of her makes me sick. I know that sounds bad but I really liked him and wanted to be his wife. Now I don't have a prospect. Seems some women are "chosen" and the rest of us spend our lives waiting for something to happen that never does. How can I begin accepting my fate now?

Answer 1

I didn't get married until I was 28 and after reflecting on all my past relationships I am so glad I didn't marry anyone but my husband. No man in my past would have ever made me as happy as he does. I know how you feel though, my little sister got married right out of highschool and it really rubbed me wrong, but she's married to a loser and he treats her like crap and sadly that's what seems to happen during most of these young marriages. You should just enjoy being single because you will find someone someday who will make you happy.

Answer 2

maybe that thought makes people not wanna marry u. U sound kinda desperate and ur only 29 ...not very attractive. The guy u liked was obviously ready for marriage ..so what did you do to make him want someone else? maybe you come too hard on man..Many guys love to date the wify cookie baking girlfriend but ALWAYS marry the ***** they have nothing in common with. Plus u haven't even dated that many guys u need to date a lot more and stop thinking about marriage and start thinking about healthy relationships. Marriage will come and you will be very disappointed..its really boring even for a 30 year old

Answer 3

You're only 29 and it sounds as though you have given up on life and resigned yourself to being miserable. My step daughter at 25 went back to school, majored in italian, moved to italy to teach english, got married at 34 to an italian and couldn't be happier. You need a plan to make your life more fulfilling whether it be going back to school, traveling, learning to ski, or whatever it takes and don't be afraid of trying new things. While you have this self defeating gloomy attitude that getting married is the be all end all you won't be happy. And, suggesting that you get a cat isn't a bad idea. Having an animal to take care of will take your mind off what you call your "fate". Good Luck.

Answer 4

You don't have to accept "that fate" Get out more, begin socializing and dating more. The more you casually date the more likely you will run into your soul mate. There is someone out there for you. Don't settle for being single the rest of your life. That isn't how it HAS to be. Come to terms with the fact that you need to have some companionship in the long run. And go out and get it girl!



This is the yr 2009. Women are doing just as much as men when it comes to their social lives these days. And don't rush it when you do find someone you really care for. Take your time and get it right the first time.

Answer 5

Your almost 30 not 80, you still have time. The best advice I have for you is, "don't envy other people". You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Just when you think the married couple in church, next door, the high school lovers who married at 22 is happy, they are miserable and wish they where 29 single without children. Be happy with you and yours when the time comes it will happen but not while your sitting home watching television reruns of your favorite shows. Get out of the house, make yourself available for fun. Good Luck, Envy No One!

Answer 6

or you could be 29, a single mom of 3 because you married the wrong person too quickly. sounds like you are a better person than you give yourself credit for. it's ok to mourn a lost love and want what you don't have but in the real world life is not a disney movie. one of my best friends didn't marry until she was 39. her husband is a lot younger than her and they have a great relationship. they have no kids and no plans to have any. now 7 years later things are still great and they are still going strong. she once told me..man i dated some real losers and i thought a time or two i would end up a cat lady but im glad i went through all that before i got married because it helped me be better equipped to be a great wife to my husband

Answer 7

Ok. First of all, this is not your fate. You have so much time to find someone you really love. Adults of all ages fall in love, and you are still really young and there are probably so many men out there waiting for you to find them. Who cares about the people who are younger than you and married? People get married at 18, they get married at 80, it doesn't matter. Bottom line, this is not the "fate you have to accept". Your life's just beginning! Go out and have fun, go to a concert or bowling with your friends, be social and charming, and soon you'll just bump into who you're looking for.

Answer 8

It is a new age for women and I really think we need to evolve mentally away from feeling the need to get married. It's a great thing, sure, but the divorce rate is so high so not to be negative, but by not marrying you may just be saving yourself some later intense heartache. Look at the positives. If someone special that you REALLY click with comes along, you're available to them and open to have fun. If you were married and met someone special, too bad. You can date and meet many great people but when you're married, you pretty much can't be going out to places with other men, obviously. There's no worry about cheating spouses, who gets what in the case of divorce, no fighting, etc. Even if you meet someone special, which I am sure you will because 30 is definitely not too old to be meeting the love of your life, you don't necessarily have to marry them. You can be committed in that way but in the case of disagreement or unhappiness, you can easily walk away and perhaps be cordial with each other instead of fighting through a divorce. I know it probably gets lonely and you may feel unwanted but you must understand you're a brilliant woman that any man would be lucky to have but you don't need one to complete you. By being independent and confident in this way, it will draw men to you. Although it may hurt not to have someone right now, don't let yourself get desperate in the search of a husband, this will turn men off of you quickly. You're still very young. As they say, 30 is the new 20. You're at a good age for dating so have some fun and if the catch of a lifetime comes along, fantastic. If he doesn't, enjoy being the independent you that gets to meet so many interesting people.



Like someone else said, look at Sex and the City. Those women are in their mid-thirties and still not married and they're living it up. I don't know but I'm sure you're not super glamorous like the TV show but it goes to show women and the age ranges for what you're supposed to be doing are being redefined. You're 30, flirty and thriving!

Answer 9

I say you read Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man" and if you already have done that read it again because he tells you what men are truly looking for in a woman and maybe you are not doing something right to hold on to these men there is always room for self improvement!!!

Answer 10

how much do you want to bet that this attitude is what keeps you single. You have already lowered your standards, and any guy who hears that about you would more than likely use u or abuse you due to that. The other possibility is that you snob off other people, and in turn, makes then afraid to approach you. Before you can love someone, you gotta be able to love yourself. i wish you the best of luck. and By the way, marriage isnt all that its cut out to be.

Answer 11

By not fighting it- sooner or later, the odds are good that it will happen for you. I was 30 when I met my wife... believe me, I had no idea I would be married. I never wanted a wife or kids,before we met, but she made me want both. You need to stop worrying about it, and start living your life for your own enjoyment- when a guy sees you well set up and with a balanced lifestyle, it makes us think about longer-term things.

Answer 12

Girl, at 30 you got plenty of time. There's someone for everyone. When you are not looking, that's when the right one comes around. But he's not going to come knocking on your door. Get out there and meet up with people. Have some fun, let your hair down.

Answer 13

You need to change your additude! The negativity you are spewing is not going to attract a man in to your life. If you want something, y ou have to believe it and be positive about it. Ever read the book "The Secret"? I suggest you take a look at it. You need to work on your confidence level and having a positive additude, those are the kind of things men are attracted to! If you want love in your life, you have to bring it into your life... you can't just stand there sulking waiting for it to come to you. It doesn't work like that. Trust me, I felt eactly like you did about 2 years ago. I made a desicion to change my additude about everything in my life and it worked. Everything has changed in my life drastically and I met the love of my life. Get positive and create love in your life by loving yourself and the life you already have first.

Answer 14

I think you are to hard on yourself. Just because you are going to be thirty by the end of this year, it doesn't mean you are doomed to never be married. Thirty is not old.



When you are more relaxed and enjoying yourself, you will find someone. Continue to enjoy the things you like to do. This is one way to find that special someone. When you are not looking for love.

Take care.

Answer 15

Seriously? Your only 29 and your giving up on love... wow... well, if your giving up on marriage at such a young age, sounds like you are determining your fate already... you complete lack of hope will do nothing but decrease your chances of finding love.



Maybe give up on the last guy and keep moving forward.... I've seen people remarry at twice your age, they would laugh at the pity you give yourself.

Answer 16

you have some antiquated views on marriage and womanhood. wow 29 is soo past your prime. wise up girl there is more to life than marriage. if you want a kid have one. you don't need a husband. and just because you haven't met the right man doesn't mean you won't. you still have time and wonderful things will happen as long as you loose you bad *** attitude.

Answer 17

Good Lord! I am going to be over 50 and divorced with no one even willing to look in my direction. I would love to be in your shoes. Only 30!

Answer 18

Get happy

You are still young

Go to a bar or something and meet a guy

Maybe try online dating

Don't give up and think positive

Answer 19

Being single and lonely is far better than jumping into the wrong relationship.

With all of its sham, drudgery and broken dreams it is still a beautiful world.

Ok, ok being single SUCKS !!!!!

Answer 20

You are 29, not 79. Get out there and mingle. Don't focus on what others have, just focus on enjoying life. I have a feeling there is the "right one" out there for you.

Answer 21

Start buying cats, quick! Well you probably already have a few, at least that's a good start!

Answer 22

Dude you're only 30... it's not hopeless. Don't give up hope. Pray in faith, and it will be provided. :) If you have a negative attitude you will miss opportunities.. stay positive.

Answer 23

There are many women that are not married yet. God has someone for you.



Blessings

Answer 24

While you are somewhat of an old maid, don't give up just yet. You'll be married by 32.

Answer 25

as your entering your thirties.... watch lots of sex in the city. your not even too old.

Answer 26

Be happy that you're free of the burdens of marriage. You can start there.

Answer 27

its your life live it.

Answer 28

how do you look? weight?



you will be sad and lonely forever that for sure