I really need advice on my current situation. Wife or mistress?

Question

I jus turned 21 on june 26, I got married when I was 18. and I have a daughter with my wife who is almost 2. Me and my wife as been rocky for awhile and seperated on dec 31. since that time I have been seeing another woman. I know it was wrong and I did feel guilty about it. Me and my wife was always arguing and fighting and I said I didnt want to live like this. I still love my wife for the fact she is the mother of my daughter and she is a loving and caring person when she wants to be. Now this other woman, I didnt talk 2 her 2 start another relationship but we ended up falling in love. we been 2gether for 6months and she is really amazing. I can do stuff with her that I cant do with my wife. When we are together all we do is laugh at everything and I can tell her ANYTHING. and stuff I tell my wife we ALWAYS end up arguing. The other girl is a completly differant person and she knows everything going on with my life and she still by my side. WHAT SHOULD I DO???

Answer 1

Obviously you should pick your wife and you know that answer already. I am sure your wife was amazing at one point too. Try to get back to that point, but without the girlfriend!! You will find more fault and annoyance with your wife while you think there is greener grass elsewhere. Work on your own lawn and try to get rid of the weeds together.

Answer 2

You should do yourself a favor and take a break from women altogether for awhile. I'm sure that your wife was lots of fun and really exciting, and you could tell her anything when you'd just met. The girlfriend is a distraction, and you're still in the midst of just getting to know her. Given time, this relationship could turn out the same way. You're young. You really don't know what you want. Take the time that you need to figure out where you want your life to go before you decide anything. Dump the girlfriend and let your wife know that you need some time to sort yourself out. Get into counseling, and try to get her there too. Hopefully you'll be able to save your marriage. If not, at least you can say you tried. Just remember that the grass is usually not greener.

Answer 3

Marty, wonderful advice!!!



Poster, you are young.............but that is still no excuse for continuing in an adulterous relationship. You vowed to love your wife until death do you part. You are NOT loving her and you are bringing destruction into the life of the child you CHOSE to bring into this world. Your daughter DESERVES to have a two parent home (HER two parents).



What do you think will happen with your daughter if you divorce your wife and get married to the woman you are now committing adultery with? What will happen to your daughter when the new woman has a baby with you? I'll tell you what usually happens: the kids in the first marriage usually get whatever is left over..........including time, financial needs met, and most importantly LOVE. Please rise above your selfishness/immaturity and honor your commitments-----you will honestly be better off, even if you don't think so at the moment..............and you won't have lifelong regrets of wrongdoing.



http://www.cadz.net/mdr.html



http://www.marriagedivorce.com

Answer 4

well, even though your wife may be crabby and mean and always arguing. try to make it work with her. its only right for her you and the kid. go to counseling, and talk to her. but you have to wanna make it work out of the bottom of your heart. you have to put your all into this. it's going to be hard. probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do but thier's a reason you fell in love in the first place right? maybe some of that is still left. try to find that place. i know you found a new love and everything seems perfect but isn't everyone at first? just really try with oyur wife. if she refuses or doesn't want to once you've really had enough your at your emotional limit, then tell her you have to leave. and break things off, maybe think about getting a divorce. and by the way, if you were seperated having a gf is not wrong. sometimes, it's what you have to do in order to make things work. or find out if you dont want to make things work. if you don't want to make things work at all with your wife, that would be wrong but its your choice your life, and then you know what you have to do. but whatever you do, do it soon while your child is still young. please for the childs sake dont drag this on for years.

Answer 5

You cant stay with your wife just because of your daugther we are no longer in that day of age but you still owe it to yourself your wife and your daughter to try to fix things without the other women around. Try counceling everything then if it still bad that's when you make the decision to leave. My mom always said don't ever leave someone for someone else leave them because you can't be with them and you rather be alone not because you find someone that makes you happier that person might end up hurting you also so becarfull and take your time this is not something you can decide in couple of days or hours it doesn't only involve you.

Answer 6

well, things can seem this fun with that other woman for now, but it may just end up turning out just as bad after seeing her full time. I'm only hesitent for the sake of your daughter, because that will be really tough for her being that she is only two. If you feel like there is no way you could live with your wife anymore or love her anymore then maybe you should go, but visit your daughter often. Maybe you should trying marriage counseling before you make any drastic decisions.

Answer 7

OK first of all, it will be easier for you to laugh and play around with your mistress all of the time. you dont have the responsibilities with her that you do with your wife. your wife is probably under so much stress. raising a 2 year old is not easy. communication is the most important thing in any relationship. you should learn to communicate with your wife. think about this. if you were on your death bed, and only had time to say one goodbye, who would you want there? your wife and daughter, or mistress? answer that question, and that should solve your problem. best of luck to you.



i am not judgemental, because i know that things happen that we cannot take back. all we can do is move forward...

Answer 8

Dump the mistress and go back to your wife. You made the vows to marry for life until death do you part. You are covenant spouses and God does not take divorce and adultery lightly at all. And if you were to divorce your wife and marry your mistress, you would still be in adultery, because Jesus specifically said remarriage is adultery.



So my advice is to grow up and do the right thing.

Answer 9

its really all about faithfullness. you need to do what it takes to make things work with your wife. love is a choice. you've probably heard that a hundred times but its TRUE. i've learned that and i'm only engaged. the things that are worth the most sometimes take the hardest work.

go to a counselor for help. read good books.

if you aren't faithful to your wife in the hard times, how do you think you'll be able to be faithful to this new women when the going gets rough.

Love, the on the second try (with the first person) is almost always sweeter. you weather this one and you'll be happy.

Answer 10

What made you fall for your wife? Did you have those feelings for her at one time? If so why do you think your girlfriend on the side will be any different? You will leave your wife for your girlfriend maybe marry her and still be in the same boat your are now. The grass is not greener on the other side even though it looks like it (it's a mirage)

Answer 11

From the sound of it, you've been married to this woman for a little over 3 years. You've been separated for a while. Obviously, it didn't work out with your wife, and while you have to appreciate and take into consideration that she's the mother of your child, it is obviously not working out. This typically means it isn't GOING to work out. You're still young. Have a long talk with your wife and the two of you need to gauge if you really want to try or not. If she won't talk about it, you have your answer. If she wants to try and make it work, and you do to, do it. If you don't, call it quits and pursue this other woman and do it without feeling guilty. You can't MAKE it work sometimes. This sounds like one of those times.

Answer 12

Yeah but what will she be like when you are together and she has to deal with your ex-wife and two year old child. Will she be always laughing then or will she be serious like your wife is?

Its easy to think that the flush of love will solve all problems but this one isnt gonna go away.



For the sake of your daughter you should reconsider your relationship with this other woman.

Answer 13

If she (girlfriend) will date you, knowing that you are married with a child, she may not have many qualms with dating another guy, somewhere down the line, even though she is supposedly with you. Integrity is evident by your actions. I would think twice about it. Maybe you and your wife should get counselling and the decide. Also, it may be that you on the rebound, and relationships like that always end up bad.

Answer 14

If you were separated when you started seeing the mistress then you were not in the wrong, but it would not be ethical for you to keep your wife in the dark about it.



Tell her the way you feel about this person without making her feel like she is a peice of crap to you. You have the right to be happy, and if you were not happy with your wife then you are justified. That is as long as you didn't start this while you two were living together.

Answer 15

Either divorce your wife or dump the mistress. If you want to be a part of your child's life on a daily basis, dump the mistress and tell your wife you need her to go to COUNSELING if she wants to remain in the marriage.



You should take your vows seriously and MAKE your marriage work.

Answer 16

Try to work out your marriage. If you don't, you'll end up making the same mistakes with a different woman, whose attitude will resemble your wife's in due time.

Answer 17

Fighting all the time with your spouse is no way to raise a child. You can be a good father anyway, without all the drama.

Kind of strange what life throws at us isn't it?

Situations change all through your life and you have to do what is going to make you and all others involved happy.

Life is too short to be miserable, soon you will turn around and be 40 or 50 years old. Enjoy it while you can.

Answer 18

You should not stay in a bad relationship for your child, you can still be a good father and involved in your child's life without making the child even more miserable and confused by seeing her parents fight all the time.



See how things go with this new lady, but don't get back into a marriage that is not going anywhere.

Answer 19

Dude they are alllllll like that at the beginning of the relationship...I am sure your wife at one time was like that. After a while the morph into a beast and they are naggy and cranky and nothing we do can ever please them.....give it time buddy, the new chick will soon become a nag as well. Do what you want to do but always remember to be a good father.

Answer 20

If in your heart your marriage is over file for divorce and get on with it with the woman who makes you the happiest. You sound like you already know what you want and are just looking for confirmation. If you feel that your currant relationship is the one that you want get a divorce and commit to her don't make her the 'other woman' by staying married.

Answer 21

If you really love this other woman, you need to come clean and tell your wife it is over. You have to be honest if you really want to be with someone else. Just don't forget your daughter and always be a good dad to her.

Answer 22

well, you made a commitment to your wife and daughter but you can't live life in a constant argument either, be truthful to your wife, support your child and go on with your life.

Answer 23

Divorce your wife and marry the woman you love.

Answer 24

Sounds like you got married pretty young and have grown apart due to growing up - that happens alot. Maybe you need to spend sometime seperated from your wife before getting too serisou with anyone else to get to know who you have become as you have gotten older

Answer 25

you dont you just get a divorce. if you love your mistress...you shouldt put your wife through this if you love someone else..





how would you feel if your wife was sleeping another guy and was in love with him.. How would you feel?

Answer 26

sounds like you need to just get out of the relationship with your wife..(divorce) if you haven't already done so. your young and you probably were not ready for marriage in the first place. its not right to do what your doing....let your wife find a good REAL man who doesn't cheat and mess crap up.

Answer 27

you need to stop wasting the time of both you and your wife...if it doesn't work it doesn't work...but I wouldn't rush into anything with this new girl either...you got married really young and you should probably spend sometime alone before shacking up again so quickly...

Answer 28

You are married right? Just remeber these words, " through good and BAD , THROUGH RICH OR POOR!" TIL DEATH DO YOU PART.

HONOR IT! MAKE THE EFFORTS TO WORK IT OUT WITH YOUR WIFE. ABOUT THE LOVER... WELL YOUR WIFE WAS THAT AMAZING AT ONE TIME AND THEN YOU GOT MARRIED .... ITS A NON ENDING CYCLE. YOU ARE BETTER OFF.......WORKING ON KEEPING YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER.

Answer 29

Get a divorce immediately. You have already committed adultery so whats the use of holding on.

Answer 30

Your wife is almost 2? Definately go with the mistress!



But all jokes aside, your wife is almost 2, and you got married 3 years ago.. this must have been one of those arranged marriages. They never work. Just leave while you can.

Answer 31

i think we all have the right to be happy. So whatever it makes you happy, then go on. Just don't forget your responsibilities as a father. Be good to your daughter and find time to be with her. I know it;s hard but i think this will solve your problem.

Answer 32

Mistress.

Answer 33

Don't drag it out any longer. Get a divorce.

Answer 34

The grass is always greener on the other side

Answer 35

you need to make a coice and stand by it. It's a hard choice that should involve your kid, she comes before all else.

Answer 36

Get divorced.

Answer 37

think about ur daughter first

Answer 38

se x