Too much male attention at work?

Question

A coworker goes out of his way to talk to me and has even so far has made sexual advances at me. I enjoy talking to him as a platonic coworker and do not want to claim sexual harrassment as I am marrieded and have no interest in him whateversover, other than a male coworking/friend relationship. How would you approach this?

Answer 1

Cheryl J in any relationship you have to go through a process.



Write down, to the best of your recollection, what he has said to you in the past and how you replied.

Second, talk to him directly, whether he makes another comment or not. Remind him of his past comments, and tell him that you are not interested. You appreciate his friendship, but the sexual comments make you uncomfortable. Write down when you spoke to him, what you said, and his reaction.



IF he has further comments that are inappropriate after he knows what you think, he IS harassing you. Go to your supervisor or his with the documentation, and tell them you need someone to speak to him. Get them to commit to a plan. Write down who will speak to him, what points will be made, and a target date for the completion of the discussion. Also ask what the company policy is so that you can be sure you are getting the correct documents and following the proper steps. Write down who you spoke to, and the date as well.



If, after he has been warned by you and by an administration representative, he persists in making comments, write down what he said and when and where he said it. Report the problem to the same individual you spoke to before, and require specific action be taken to eliminate the problem.



If it persists beyond THIS, take all documentation, plans of actions, times and dates to HR, and file against the individual.



You've done your part by then. If HR doesn't do theirs, or if someone retaliates against you, take all your documentation to the state employment commission and file against the whole company.



This way, YOU remain professional. You do your job. YOU remain blameless. You have a right to work in a decent environment. Likely the first discussion will take care of it, but be prepared to be persistent and write everything down if it doesn't.

Answer 2

I would include your husband in the conversations constantly. For example if he says, "I have been going to the gym. Can you see a difference? You say, "My husband has been going too and he looks great." I understand you probably don't want to be rude to him because he is a coworker. That could just lead to problems in the work atmosphere. Believe me, he will soon become very bored with hearing how great your husband is. Now if he is completely thick headed, and still keeps on then you are going to have to be direct. Let him know that you enjoy his talks but are happily married and feel he sometimes crosses the line. If he still continues, file a complaint because it would be now considered sexual harassment. Good Luck!

Answer 3

FYI, the people that file sexual harassment claims against others have no interest in the perpetrator. If he has made an unwarranted sexual advance towards you then you really do need to report him. Just because you are married does not mean that you are ineligible for filing sexual harassment claims. Tell him to back off and if the harassment continues, report him ASAP!

Answer 4

I think you should just tell him how you feel. Tell him that you really like talking to him and you like working with him but you feel at times he crosses the line when he makes sexual remarks and or flirting with you . Let him know it makes you a little uncomfortable and just ask him to cut it out. Really. If he thinks you like it because you don't say stop it or that remark was stepping over the line whatever.....he is going to continue it. It's not that he is a bad person/man but if he doesn't know it bothers you why would he stop?

Answer 5

Report him for Sexual Harrassment!

Answer 6

Tell him point blank and be very blunt about it! Make sure you have some one there to witness this or write it down and Imean everything that was said just in case! If he don't get it after that then you need to take it further and tell a superviser or HR! Sexual Harrasment comes in different forms and any harrasment for that matter!

Answer 7

Let him know you are a bit uncomfortable with his comment and you really like talking to him when he says something sexual what is your response? Do you laugh? Depending what you do makes him to think its okay to say those comments or what your reaction is makes him think you don't really care and might be interested. Just make sure that when you are responding to his comments arnt flirty or your smiles don't go beyond . I am glad to see there are still more women out there that keep there marriage sacred good for you and good luck ;)

Answer 8

Cheryl,



Even if it hurts his feelings, he has to be told. As you obviously know, there's LOTS of office flirting that takes place, but when it is taken in the direction of unwanted sexual advances it's time to put on the brakes pronto.



Straight-forward is the approach I'd take...I don't think you can go wrong that way.



Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, you like him coming onto you or you would put a stop to it. That is the message you are sending and the message he is recieving. YOu just don't want to be responsible for wanting this so you pretend it bothers you. Have you told your husband about this? Probably not, because you want the attention and like having someone on the side in case you get mad at hubby.

Answer 10

What does being married have to do with not claiming sexual harassment. I would tell him, in a non-joking manner, that his comments are inappropriate at work and if they continue, you will speak to HR about his sexual advances. This is something that should not be tolerated at a place of business. You should speak to someone if he continues, it is sexual harassment and he should be reprimanded.

Answer 11

Tell your manager or supervisor, explain you got chatting (during lunch) but the chat got a bit 'riskee' and you felt uncomfortable.



Say you guess he was testing the water but you're in love with Nathan Eakins so there is nothing else to be said.

Answer 12

You have to tell him how you feel. If you don't he will think it is OK. When you do finely get fed up with it and report him, he will claim that he has been doing this for months and you haven't said anything. You are leading him on by not telling him the truth. He doesn't know you feel uncomfortable unless you tell him.

Answer 13

Flat out tell him you are married! Why do men feel they need to make advances towards married women they work with? I don't get it. I am a man and would never think to do this. Why do women fall for it?

Answer 14

Its...whatsoever..thats funny! Just do what you gotta do. I mean, use your head and put him in his place. And what does being married have anything to do with you filing sexual harrassment on him?

Answer 15

Tell him the truth. I have told my 4 supervisors that they are not allowed to touch my body. I am not appreciated it and I will fill for sexual harassment and put them in jail. I know it harsh, but some men will never stop harass you if you did not say anything.

Answer 16

tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know you have respect for him as a friend and he should refrain from advances because you are married.

Answer 17

When he touches you make sure he knowd your married and you love your husband. Say stuff about your husband around him. Good Luck. He shouldt be touching you especially if your married.

Answer 18

Make sure he understands it black & white. If there's any doubt in a guy's mind, he's gonna pursue the issue.

Answer 19

You are married and not interested in him is EXACTLY why it IS sexual harassment!

Answer 20

Tell him when he's crossed the line - you don't have to do it in a mean way, just say "too much, buddy!"

Answer 21

Speak to him directly and tell him you're not interested.

Answer 22

Tell him that you are married and have no interest in him whatsoever.

Answer 23

As already stated, tell him what you have told us!

Answer 24

Tell him exactly what you just wrote here.

Answer 25

file a complaint with your boss and contact your HR department.



if you play this card right, you can walk away with millions.

Answer 26

tell him to back his *** up and that your not interested.

he can lose his job over this and be sued so express yourself girl.

Answer 27

Tell him just what you told us.

Answer 28

just be frank