Wives who submit to their husbands, ever feel suffocated/trapped?

Question

I try to be a good Christian wife. And my husband really is a good man in most respects. He's hard-working and Bible believing...he's an awesome father and helps with the kids when he can and he is good at giving me gifts and some opportunities for "me" time...so I don't want to seem like I'm husband bashing or that I'm unhappy or want out of my marriage...but I gave up a lot to be a stay at home wife and mom...I know most people think that's an awesome thing but that was never my dream. I had career and personal goals and love to earn money and be out doing things...being a mover and shaker! But for my husband I settled down, had two kids, and stopped working...so now because I don't work and make money, I often feel like I have no say and my life revolves around what my husband wants me to do. I can't give when I want to give. I can't drop and help someone, not even if I could find a babysitter because he doesn't want anyone watching our kids except for my mother-in-law and she's limited on how often she can do that...like I have a brother who has asked me to help him financially for college and has asked me to go here and there with him but my husband says no...and so when I at least get on the phone and talk to him and schools and family to try to iron out problems for him, my husband gives me a hard time...anytime I want to help someone in need, he gives me a hard time and says my focus needs to be 100 percent on family needs...I don't feel like I neglect family needs. I work hard keeping the kids happy and fed, educating my toddler, getting them out of the house for playdates, keeping the house clean and organized, laundry, etc....so I'm trying to follow the Word about wives submitting to their husbands but it often makes me feel so limited, suffocated, and trapped because my husband has TOO much to say about what I do.....what do you think? What would you do? Especially interested from a Christian/Bible perspective...

Answer 1

Hi there



The bible is quite clear that a marriage is a PARTNERSHIP, wives submitting to husbands is I believe is purely spiritual. You need to sit down and talk these things through with your husband if he is a bible believing Christian who loves God, he will listen and respect you. You see just as the bible says a wife should submit to her husband it says that the husband should love his wife as Christ loved the church so basically your husband should love you so much that he would go as far as to die for you. Basically what I'm trying to say is your husband should love you so much that he is willing to help you and allow you to be who you are and walk out the gifts God has given you one of which I think is generousity and hospitality. So I think you should sit down and have a good honest chat with him. Tell him you love him and love God and so have been submitting to him all this time but believe you need certain things from him too.

I really hope it goes well. Bless you!

Answer 2

YES. Sometimes I feel like I can't physically breathe. I know exactly how you feel, feel like you can't even move, have a moment or a deep breathe. Feel restricted, constricted and maybe even a bit oppressed.



I know now that if I ever get divorced, I would never get married again. I enjoy my freedom too much and I like having complete control over my life. In a marriage, if your spouse does something, it effects you. I don't like that.



You are doing exactly what I use to do. I took the Bible too literally. When it says we are to submit, it doesn't mean our entire thought process is suppose to be submitted. We are still suppose to be happy, have our own mind and the like. We are suppose to be our mates partner, that is why he made us from the rib and not the backbone. You do have a right to say what you want and how you feel and your husband should at least consider what you say.



If I were you, I would at least have some type of income, be it Mary K or Avon, it will make you feel more free. Good luck, being a Christain wife is hard, but you can't just become his wife and your childrens mother. You are still (insert your name here). Do not forget that.

Answer 3

Hi! I'm a Christian too, but I don't see how your husband is treating you is very Christian-like. St. Paul did say that wives should obey their husbands, but he also said, "Husbands, love your wives." He also said, " There is no longer Jew or Greek, there is no longer slave or free, there is no longer male and female; for all of you are one in Christ Jesus," which implies a more reasoned equality than "being submissive" to your husband. Please go back to your Bible and read about how Jesus treated women - with equality and respect, which was so counter to how other men of his time treated women (and to what your husband is doing to you).



Also, to me, being a Christian means loving one another - ALL people, not just your own family, so the idea that you have to only focus on your own family's needs and not help others is distorted thinking. You're right in wanting to help your brother with school. What a wonderful thing to do. The reason you feel suffocated, limited and trapped is because your husband is suffocating you, limiting you and has trapped you.



Please go and talk to your pastor about this; I don't think it's normal. It's too extreme.

Answer 4

I'm a Christian and I feel like my husband has the final say on things. I also think we should make decisions together. I work and think there's nothing wrong with that. My kids were in day care and there's nothing wrong with that. There are even Christian day cares. I don't think that scripture means you get no freedom or decision making. It just means every ship needs a Captain and someone has to make the hard decisions. That role generally falls to the husband.

Answer 5

Submitting to your husband does not mean you are suppose to give up your goals and your life. You are both suppose to be happy but it seems like your husband only care about his happiness. I could never be a house wife because I would feel worthless, trapped and controlled. (no disrespect to housewives) I think you just submitted to the wrong man. Tell him how you feel and if he really loves you, he will do something to help you feel better.

Answer 6

I'm inclined to agree with Steve-O on this one. Following the Word is a great thing, and your husband being the head of the household is great too, but he shouldn't be enjoying his power at your expense. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!

Answer 7

Well, I'm a foul mouth, metal head who also happens to be a follower. He sounds very old fashioned. Family does come first, but individuality is also very important.



Edit: Wow, sounds like what you have is a boss and not a husband.

Answer 8

Stand up for yourself. You are still capable of going out and getting a job. If your husband loves you he will support your endeavors.



"He is anti-daycare"...LOL, wow just sounds like an excuse from you. They are YOUR children too.

Answer 9

Your husband can careless about how you feel and that is not a good christian!! You only live once and he is taking your life away from you!!!

Answer 10

I got to "Good Christian wife" and couldn't read any further...Are you REALLY that stupid that you believe in a fairytale?



You're an adult, make your own EDUCATED decision!



Also, get back in the kitchen, stop F'ing around on the internet and bake some cookies.