Husband flirting and texting other girl?

Question

I don’t have any proof that My husband has physically cheated on me. I've always had problems with him flirting and texting other girls.

Today he was "active now" on Instagram for a while. So I logged in. I realize people need privacy, but we have each others passwords and we always have. In my opinion, in a relationship, you shouldn't ever be having conversations with someone that you're not comfortable with your husband/wife seeing. I've been with my husband 5 years, I'm 22 years old. We've been married almost 2 years. So yeah, I do log in to his social media because i do not trust him at all.

So today I logged into his instagram. He's direct messaging with some girl I believe works at the gym. Of course, he's already deleted everything they first talked about, but the message that was there was from her it said “you want to kidnap me” and he wrote “would that be bad” and she goes “depends what we do after” and he said “I’d probably steal a kiss from you” and later she says she has a boyfriend and he’s good to her.

So now idk what to do. I don’t want to bring it up cause he’ll just find a way to hide it. It’s hard to leave because I’ve been with him for 5 years and I live with him, I love him and we’ve even traveled to Peru we shared a lot of expierences.. I don’t have any close family that have space for me, and I can’t afford rent for anything. What do I do? Just wait it out til he actually does something or just leave. It’s so hard. I just turned 22 yesterday.

Answer 1

u leave now or leave later ....he accepts now or accept later..u travelled to peru or chembur...doesn't matter..



if he has cheated u now he would cheat later...we cheat our parents telling them lies and than lieing to wife is a big deal ..we cheat god saying lies than wife is nothing..



u have the courage than divorce or else no point fighting and asking for justification...u have a life to live u aint a judge asking proof

Answer 2

I suggest you tell your husband you will give him extra head if he will stop doing that.

Answer 3

He is emotionally cheating on you already so you need to stop it now before it turns physical !

Answer 4

Everyone else has told you the truth- you settled down with a guy when you should have still been dating different people, and now he's moving on to someone else. If he isn't having sex with her (he probably is), he has emotionally left the marriage. he was too young to marry, and so are you. There is no way you're going to fix this, so you are best off finding a way to just get a divorce.



Do not leave your home, if you own it. Find a good family law attorney who practices inyour county, and arrange to meet with them. Take your marriage certificate, and your checkbook. The first short meeting will be free, but you'll need to give them money for a retainer in order to get things going. Yes, you could do this by yourself, but you seriously don't want to. You should know that ALL money you and he have and are earning is considered "marital money" - meaning you both have access to it. Until you get a legal separation - the prelude to a divorce- all of your income and debts are shared.



If you have any pets, sell them to a trusted friend on a contract for a dollar each. You don't want the dog to become the lever that makes you give up something else important. As far as talking to him, just let the divorce attorney have him served with the papers. It's part of the process- you don't have to say a thing.



Just retain a lawyer, and start the ball rolling- and make him move out, if you can. He wanted to leave, maybe he can go shack up with the trixie from the gym. You deserve to be able to move on, date some other guys, and eventually when you're ready, find someone worth spending your life with. For now, get this done, and don't apologize. Hes the one who stepped out on you, after he promised to be faithful. It'll be awful for a while, but I promise you, it gets better.

Answer 5

How often do you have sex with your husband? If I were you I would do the same thing he is doing and let him see how it feel. A woman can get a lot more men that a man can get a woman.

Answer 6

You are soooo young (even though I know it doesn't seem like it) and you do not need to be wasting your years with a guy who won't respect you. Bottom line, if he's doing something to make you feel uncomfortable, and won't change, he will never change and doesn't take the relationship seriously. I know you've spent a lot of time together, but time will heal all wounds and when you are apart from him you will realize how much you don't need him around and how you deserve better. I would save money up, ask friends or look online to see if there are rooms for rent (like in a house or roommate situation) that you can afford. Do whatever you can to get out as quickly as you can.

Answer 7

"...because i do not trust him at all"



This is where you're showing your age. Without trust, you don't even have a serious relationship, let alone a marriage! Trust is everything, because it goes well beyond fears of cheating. As one example, in a healthy marriage, people automatically believe anything the other person says. So lack of trust trickles down into other areas.



To be blunt, this doesn't sound fixable. If you want to give it a try, you could tell him you want to go to marriage counseling, but this is usually pointless unless you combine it with an ultimatum: he agrees to this or you're leaving. The problem, of course, is it doesn't sound like you're in a position to leave.



PS - On your comment about trust, you missed the point of what the guy was telling you. Trust is unconditional and a couple either has it or they don't. You don't. It sounds like you need to start developing a plan to leave and get on with your life.

Answer 8

You do need to bring this up, take screen shots of the conversations and take no excuses for it either, living in a marriage with no trust is a miserable existence and you deserve better than this.



I have been married for 20 years and about 10 years in I found inappropriate messages between my husband and a woman he had met on an Internet forum, no way could I have kept quiet, I had trusted him and only saw them because he left the window on the computer open.



At first he was denying things and not taking it seriously so I took our children and I left him, my world had been shattered but I had to be strong, he did everything to win me back and in the end I withdrew the divorce petition but I admit the first 6 months were hell, I was constantly checking on him and hated it but I never found anything else.



If he’d cheated it would have been a different story but it didn’t come to that, your husband may never actually cheat on you but that doesn’t make this acceptable and there is no use waiting for him to do something, he might not and he’s already gone too far as it is.



Your marriage doesn’t necessarily have to be over but unless you confront him, show him that you won’t tolerate this and see if he’s prepared to change then it stands no chance at all, if he won’t admit how bad this is or refuses to accept he’s out of line then you know it’s time to leave but don’t suffer secretly, it’s no life at all.

Answer 9

Either get into marriage counseling and fix the marriage, or end it and move on. You don't trust him so right now, the current situation is a waste of your time and his.



"I don’t want to bring it up cause he’ll just find a way to hide it." - There's not much point in snooping, if you don't plan on taking action if you find something damning.



"It’s hard to leave because I’ve been with him for 5 years and I live with him, I love him and we’ve even traveled to Peru we shared a lot of expierences.." - It would be hard to leave if you'd been with him 1 year or 20 years. Ending a relationship is hard, period. You have to decide how much you love someone who disrespects you and who emotionally cheats on you (and possibly physically cheats on you). Seems a waste of your youth to saddle yourself with someone who isn't faithful to you.



"I don’t have any close family that have space for me, and I can’t afford rent for anything. What do I do?" - Either say and save up money to get out on your own, or find a friend or family member elsewhere that will allow you to stay with them until you get on your feet, IF you choose to leave him. Otherwise, stay and work on fixing your marriage so you won't have thoughts of leaving.



" I just turned 22 yesterday." - Alas, you're a bit young to be married, much less already married 2 years. For goodness sakes, keep up with your birth control and don't get pregnant.



"we mostly got married for legal reasons," - Then have a discussion about living your lives separately, while still living together. If you just got married for legal reasons, then each of you should be okay with the other doing as they please, without any emotional/physical obligation to the other. Clearly he already feels that way.

Answer 10

Sorry to say, but this is often the result of getting married so young. You seem smart enough to learn from this. Don't let it happen with your 2nd husband.

Answer 11

If you don't trust him then you don't have a good marriage and you should get divorced. Why did you marry him if you don't have the trust there? Makes no sense to me why anyone would marry someone and not trust them.



However, his messaging other women talking about intimate things is a form of cheating. You don't leave him in this case. My initial reaction is You throw him out, but, thinking clearly, Keep copies of the messages to use in court. You can install keylogging software on the computer and it will log what he is saying. There is some good software out there that can do this. You can also install software on his cellphone to do the same thing and send you emails of his text messages etc. Then when he has dug his own grave, go to a lawyer, NOT HIM, and present that stuff and your lawyer will make sure you own the home, the car, and get paid alimony. Just keep documentation and you will be set.

Answer 12

He needs to get smacked.....cheating is cheating... If that girl never turned him down he would have kept trying...how about you ask a friend that he don't no slide in his DMs to see how far he will go....then make your judgment....I wouldn't play that in my marriage...idk what your religion is but you should get a divorce if its not physical go to counseling first

Answer 13

Most women are so insecure that they may even create problems.



Put the messaging in question on the computer screen and bring your husband to it and ask for an explanation. No matter what he says, just listen and don't react. After he says his piece, make a decision about him and about you staying or going.



Whining and threatening and going on and on proves nothing. So don't do it.

Answer 14

very bad

Answer 15

Have you followed the story in the news about Anthony Wiener? If not look it up. There days there are other ways of cheating other than just in the physical world. The breaking of the marital trust is just as real.

Answer 16

You're basically trying to tie down a young man in his 20s which is totally against nature, even if you put up with this he will eventually walk out on you. What were you thinking marrying so young? you should have at least married an older man.

Answer 17

Ouch! This IS cheating.

Answer 18

Find solutions TODAY............before any children come into this picture.........he is not a faithful person and GOD doesn't approve of such as this.............move on and know a person better when wanting a marriage...........bless you.

Answer 19

You can’t love him if you don’t trust him. You need to be with someone you can trust. There’s no sense in waiting for him to cheat. The distrust is there.

Tell him you don’t trust him, and why. Then, if he doesn’t successfully reinstate your trust, plan your departure from the marriage.

Answer 20

Emotional cheating or flirting with other girls is chasing. He is already cheating on you he just hasnt done it yet but hes trying.

Answer 21

Happy birthday to you.



Love yourself first and foremost.



Treat yourself first and foremost.



Know you are worth it, first and foremost.



Now to the answer, he has not acted upon this, and I would not break up my marriage for that.



This person has a bf and she stated that he's good to her, so she already put the barrier on any future actions with him.



Why should you mash up your marriage for this, on the other hand have a chat with your husband, and let him know that you came across what you did, let him know that it hurts you when he acts that way, and if he would like to go to marriage counseling.



You do need to let this guy give you a reason or explanation for his bad behavior, and you also need to see where he's coming from, before you make major decisions.



Let him know that you take your vows seriously, and that you expect him to do the same.



Ask him where he stands in the marriage, and if he's in it for the long haul, do not be too quick to throw in the towel and give this a chance to work itself out, based on his response to you.



By the way, when you are married and have intentions of leaving the marital home, then you set yourself up for having abandoned the marriage, and he will be legally responsible for your filing a divorce from him.



You do need to try and sort out this situation, and bring him to see what he's doing is jeopardizing the future relationship, if all else fail, then if you walk out, you would be at fault, concerning any shared financial responsibility--let him be responsible by trying to honor his vows, speak a priest oo pastor.



Don't make rash decision you may regret later.

Answer 22

You have fists. Use them. Domestic violence solve problems

Answer 23

You foolishly married a little boy who is still in his running around years. Your options are a) divorce or b) live with it.

Answer 24

Hi! Short answer, I do not know. Anyone who suggested they do. Is it possible to find out? Ya sure. You asked what to do. If you care enough, if it is worth your time - Find out. If it is not, well leave (When you can).



Long Answer:



Here is what we know:

I've always had problems with him flirting and texting other girls.

I do log in to his social media because i do not trust him at all.

He's direct messaging with some girl I believe works at the gym.

Of course, he's already deleted everything they first talked about,

***dirty sex talk redacted "________" "____kidnap_____"

she has a boyfriend and he’s good to her.

he’ll just find a way to hide it.



We do not really know a lot. We know your husband is a liar. We know you have proof or genuinely believe it. You did not wake up one morning and say, "Oh boy that would be great if i thought my husband was a liar". If you lack proof that instinct you have is typically enough. Likely have been picking up pieces which lead you to believe this. Or you are just nuts & think everything is a sign..... We know he has no issue with talking to other woman sexually. If I am talking about kidnapping some chick, or if she is dreaming about me kidnapping her - this ends kinky. Need to be honest, right? We can linguistically dance around it, "He is being cute, playful, harmless flirty boy" sure. But it is sexual. Is that ok to you? I assume this is not ok with you? With my partner and I, we usually wind up sleeping with this 3rd person together, so it is fine for me (or her) to engage in such talks.



Why don't we find out if he is cheating. Figure out who he is talking to. "Someone at the Gym" is not acceptable. If i asked you to get me specific historical data. I would expect you to be on your A game.

Pipl.com

Spokeo.com

Socialmention.com

Social-searcher.com

Peekyou.com



He knows you know his social media accounts. Of course he has others or is he really stupid? So we are looking for information on both. Boolean searches are as important. Plug in all information you know about them. Come up empty use other ways to look.



SMS messages, photos and cache from social media is really never deleted from mobile devices. And never from computers unless the person is acting with serious intention:

http://www.decipherforensics.com/android-forensics/



While you are not allowed to. You could use google to track his phone, if you have the log in. I am saying this so you do not do it, you are not allowed to. I do not like these write-ups. But this is a good intro:

http://trendblog.net/how-to-track-your-lost-android-phone-without-tracking-app/



Rip out someone's heart for me and I will tell you their bloodtype. Get access to their mobile device, I will tell you anything you want to know. That is an important mantra.



I do not know how much you care, there are hundreds of things to do. If you do not care leave him or stay and cheat too, it will genuinely make you feel better and might help (really). If he or the relationship is worth it. It starts with the last 6 months of loud discussions, their cause, the tone and outcome. Since we are curious about him.... And this is cheating his use of Distraction, Deflection, Denial & Projection. You never told us about them though... His habits changing? How's intimacy/distance? Why do you feel that way? This is not hard, but it takes time and effort. It has to be worth it. There is just too much you did not tell us (as there is not enough room).... Possibly all this typing helps someone one day.



**Are they chatting or cheating, if you believe one or the other you are probably correct. :/

GL ask more later, I guess

Answer 25

If you don't trust him at all, then end the marriage. Affairs don't start in the bedroom. He is playing with fire. Take screen shots of the conversations. Maybe you should contact the girl from a different phone number or through some other means and confront her about it. "I don't appreciate MY HUSBAND receiving such texts from you." Maybe send her some photos of you and your husband together. Perhaps she doesn't even realize that he is married.

Answer 26

If you don't trust him, then why stay married to him?



You're not going to be happy if you stay with him, and he's not going to change. So start making plans to leave. Set aside some money for yourself, and start reaching out to close friends to see if you can stay with them a while until you can get your own place.



Go to your doctor for an STD test, too. Who knows what he's brought home to you. (He may very well NOT be physically cheating on you, but at this point you'd be a fool to assume otherwise. So, protect yourself.)

Answer 27

While I don't understand why people object to their spouses having friends of the other sex on Facebook, Instagram, etc., this has clearly gone beyond the range of acceptable behavior. Your husband is playing with fire. Someday one of these women is going to take him up on his offer. If he were really committed to you, he wouldn't be doing this. I think you can have a serious talk with him without mentioning that you were on his Instagram site- say that you feel you're not as close as you should be. You might even suggest marriage counseling. But I think ultimately you're going to have to leave and see what he does.

BTW, I know many couples who share an email account ([e-mail]) for example, and share passwords. I know wives who set everything up for their husbands on their phones and laptops. I also know couples who keep separate accounts. There's nothing wrong with either if they're not hiding things from each other.

Answer 28

You don't trust your husband? Then why did you marry him, I mean I get it he hasn't exactly given you a reason too if he's constantly flirting and talking to other women. It seems like you knew this beforehand so why marry him. You're supposed to trust your spouse, and this isn't the case. If you want to work it out, you have to talk to him, if he doesn't want to change just leave.

Answer 29

You need to confront him and you also need to consider marriage counseling for your trust issues. The fact that he deletes older messages tells me that he is up to no good and he knows he's wrong, but does it anyway. I'm guessing he wouldn't like it if you were chatting up some guy you met. Happy belated birthday by the way.

Answer 30

Given that you say, "i do not trust him at all," I wonder why you married him. Didn't anybody tell you that a marriage in which the spouses don't both trust each other is doomed to failure? Whether he ever actually puts his penis into another woman, the bottom line is, you don't trust him, and a marriage simply doesn't work under those conditions.

Answer 31

If u dont have proof then he dodent hello

Answer 32

to me no trust = no marriage you already suspect either get to couples counseling or get to a lawyer He is not committed to you.

Answer 33

First I am very sorry this is happening to you, on the other hand you are and still very young but you do have to take action because even when you haven't catch him cheating physically I can tell you that he probably already physically cheated on you, but regardless his behavior is unacceptable, you need and should confront him about this, the fact that it's hard to leave him because you been with him for 5 years is not a justification it's an excuse, trust me if you don't take action now and do something about it, he will do it again.