How to move on when there was no closure?

Question

Very short. I thought he truly fell in love with me, but it was probably all bulllshit, he told the same to his gf and was messing around for 2 months at the end of which he went back to his 7 years partner...she was waiting for him and ready to forgive everything.

5 weeks later he called me. Not sure why i did not pick up. Maybe just for no reason, he never said anything before leaving anyway, just sent me a goodbye my love poem and called me after but i didn't pick up. I think he moved on during that time, but i haven't...been struggling to understand things and let him go. We work together. For Christmas i gave him one book as a present which i got long time ago for him and thought this will be my closure.

The next day he called me and asked to call him back. But there is nothing for us to discuss really..he's still with his gf. He said that i should stop acting like a child and just speak to him. And I should stop playing mind games.

So funny - the only one ever playing was him.. but again - am I acting childish? Am i not helping myslef to move on? He hurt me so much though that I want to walk out from this with dignity and my head high - i thought i did everything right, but i don't feel any better:( could anyone advice how to make that closure and walk out from this in my mind? Can you at all walk out from something without any talks and explanations and closure and try ignoring and not talking to someone forever? This leads to madness...

Answer 1

age old question... i'm sorry to say... i've never found the answer... but if you do, i'd love to know.

Answer 2

1. From what you wrote (and the way you wrote it), I have the impression this guy had you and 2 other women as "prospects". I doubt that it was "all bullshit" (as you believe), but rather he was trying to determine which woman he'd want to be with.



2. He (probably) realizes -- after-the-fact -- that his actions were hurtful to you. I can only guess that he's trying to apologize. I'm not certain. In this regard, you are being childish for having put a Xmas gift into his hands, but not accepting his phone calls.



3. You and he work "together"? I'd strongly encourage you to change jobs... if he doesn't first.



4. "Closure" in this instance may be impossible. FWIW, it'd help to know what type of "closure" you want? Do you want to know WHY he chose another woman instead of you? Do you want to discover some "truth" about your relationship with him? No matter what, ... all of these "closure" questions are 100% irrelevant at this point in time. He's GONE. He's moved on. He's f--king someone else now.



MY professional advice to you: LET GO. He's some other (poor) gal's problem now. Tell yourself: you should send HER a sympathy card... but don't. Tell yourself: you're better off without him. Move on. You deserve better... and a better man will come along. Good luck.

Answer 3

The term closure is vastly over rated. When you see that a person is cheating on you or not available to the type or relationship you want and need, you close the door to that possibility and that is closure. Why someone does something or does not do something in not as important as the fact that the person did something to end the relationship. You can close that door and have closure by listing the good and the bad about the relationship and when the bad list is better, make that decision to close the door to that possibility and that is closure. Closure is shutting off a possible path that you could have taken and choosing a different path instead and it is only a frame of mind, not a a point in time or a destination which you reach. One good site I recommend often is this one which deals with relationships and self esteem because you can have closure by raising your self esteem and telling yourself that you deserve better and moving on.

Answer 4

I don't think anyone ever gets closure when they are the one whos dumped.



All you can think about is Why? Why did he do this? What did you do wrong? When did it go wrong? What was he thinking? How could you have done things better? Why is his current life better than his life with you? How did you turn him off? How did she turn him on? What does he think of you now? Will he ever come back? Will you ever stop thinking of him? Will you ever be happy again? Why has it all gone wrong for you again? etc



But the truth is, no matter how much of the nitty gritty you know, it makes no difference.



You still feel hurt, let down, dissapointed, undesirable, unwanted, unlucky, confused, lied to, crazy, angry, weepy, lonely, useless, humiliated, devestated, like you'll never want to be with another man again.



Men employ the 'you're been childish', 'don't play games', blah blah blah rubbish because they want you to shut up and go away because they are incapable of dealing with emotions.



This guy sounds very immature. Who breaks up with a woman by sending her a goodbye love poem? Who does he think he is? Some hero/cad in a 19th century romance novel?



And whats with the playing all these women off against each other? Does he fancy himself as some Casanova/superstud? Silly little boy.



Only time will help you. As time passes you will feel more able to cope. Don't go expecting closure because it doesn't happen. Eventually you just grow not to care anymore.



Take care of yourself.

Answer 5

No closure, I have definitely been there where my wife kind of fled the scene and wouldn't say what she was up to when I'd see her-only to say "it's over...it's too late." What the hell does that mean but she never could explain it to me. In short she moved into her own place and pretty much cut off communication with all her friends and family so again, I had no real clues what was happening. So divorce came and went. Over the years I'd hear of people seeing her in town in various situations but still no real answers. I joined a divorce recovery group which helped me learn to let go, to know that I was going to make it on my own with or without her and especially to learn forgiveness. No one expects you to forget but letting go through forgiveness is the only way you can get past these situations for your own good. Even though it makes no sense, the relationship is over and you HAVE to move on so learning these skills is essential.

Answer 6

there is an previous affirming sweetheart that factor heals all wounds, and it truly is actual in a fashion, the prompt painful harm is going notwithstanding it truly is like an previous conflict wound, something can merely set off it off for no glaring reason. This also lessens in time. As for closure, i assume you recommend her admitting what she has performed, love i do not imagine you'll ever get that, the in user-friendly words ingredient you may do is be happy you purchased out once you probably did, in the previous it drove you thoroughly loopy. you should commence going out and commence playing your self again, i'm particular you should have some associates who can help you're trying this and keep in ideas no longer all females are like your spouse, some individuals can flow via existence being straightforward to the single we adore, and that i'm particular you'll ultimately discover the single for you. solid success.

Answer 7

dear, if you want closure, you should talk to him. nothing gets fixed if you would just walk away and not discuss things. maybe the reason he's been calling you is because he also wants closure between the two of you. he's right, stop playing mind games. you wouldn't know the answers to your questions if you don't talk.



you said you did everything right but you're not feeling any better. that only means something was not done right. sometimes, you just have to face the things that's been bothering you to make them alright again.



i wish you luck :)

Answer 8

first of all, it wasnt very short. secondly, walk into a fire pit, what do you expect?



you walked into a relationship knowing the bloke had a missus and was cheating with you. so you expect a happy ending? at best, he'd have gone with you, then 2 years down the line cheated on your a*se. cheats remain cheats.



next time, have the sense not to get involved with an attached man, even if he claims he's having relationship troubles or it's 'over' with her (9 times out of ten, it isnt). because end of day, youre just gonna get used. men do this just cos they are upset with their partner, and then they go f*ck someone easy, then feel better, then guilty, then they do what this bloke did, walk away.



do you actually think he owes you anything more?

Answer 9

It can definitely be done if you have the strength to do it. I did it and it's been five years. In the beginning I felt like I needed closure but that was me torturing myself. Cut off all ties with him especially if you work together. If he treated you like you described then that was your closure!



He sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. That's why he says you are being childish. You don't have to not speak. Speak to him and keep it moving that's all.