me, my husband & his x-wife!!!! HELP!!!?

Question

My step daughter is going to visit us next week, this is the first time she's going to see me. Her mom is still in love with my husband & she asked that she needs to talk to me about "her daughter needs".. i really don't know what could possibly b a 10 yrs girl "needs" b & i don't really feel like talking to her coz she's extremly rude & hates me... should i refuse to talk to her & sound weak or should i open a door i'll never lock in my life... plz help

Answer 1

ooo good question.



I say you should talk to the daughter yourself.



And any questions you still have, you can ask your husband.



Be strong.

Answer 2

I am in a similar situation from both sides! (I have kids that are not his, he has a boy by a young woman who is absolutely obsessed with him.) It's not abnormal to be uncomfortable, not at all! but always make visits with the daughter a special time for her, and be sure to keep your class ;) The ex doesn't really need to attend, does she? You guys are not required to take her into your lives directly. You could agree to some things over the phone for the sake of the daughter, before she gets there. If the ex insists on being there and gets overly flirtatious or oversteps her boundaries she will be making herself look bad by hitting on a married person, as if that is her standard for relationships. You be the graceful one, and set the standard for yourself through calm, well thought out words if a confrontation is needed. Sometime this week talk this over with your husband after some super hot you-know-wot lol I'm sure he will be responsive to your emotional needs :D ~blesssss

Answer 3

You need to talk to the ex-wife b/c she is trusting you with her daughter. You will have to help your step daughter to except you as a person that is married to her dad. This may not be easy! And somewhere down the road you may cry out why does she hate me. Talking to her mom only reassures that it's ok if she talks to you too. I also think that anything you and the ex talk about should be limited to the daughter and to the daughter only. If you're sure she is still in love and possibly wants to reunite with your now husband, you need to keep her a distance away and not have her at any level involved in your relationship outside of the girl. Dont' try to show her what your made of, dont critize, get jealous, nothing at all. Just keep it to the daughter alone and if she says I would like for you to do ? with my daughter tell her that you will talk to her father about it. Keep it simple.

Answer 4

I would say try talking to the x-wife, maybe she really is concerned with her daughter, maybe she is just trying to make things run smooth cause she realizes she was not so nice in the past? Even if she does just maybe want to snap some rude comments your way, I would go I think his daughter will respect you more for this and your husband as well. It's just a one time thing, no one is asking you to have dinner date once a week with this women!

Answer 5

i think you should talk to her. listen to what she has to say and decide if it is useful. you should tell her that the child is innocent in all this and you will keep her best interests in mind. most ex's want to know that the step parent is not a monster, show her your grace and dignity by not stooping to her level.tell her the problems between her and your husband, you had nothing to do with. you also need to talk to the daughter and tell her you are not trying to take her mother's place. show a genuine interest in the girl and see what she likes and dislikes etc..., and she will see the real you and come to love you for it. you will learn her needs straight from the source and it might be freedom from a controlling mom.

Answer 6

Boy, does this hit home. I married a man whose brother is married to his ex's sister. Yes, I had some issues in the beginning but only with her. The kids are always going to be part of someones life and your best thing is to swallow your pride for this child. She is the important one. By opening that door as you put it shows maturity and just because his ex is still in love with him does not interfere with how he feels. Give him some credit. He picked you to be with so feel secure about this. In this instance I feel this girl is the important one and, who knows, by showing your maturity about the whole thing you and her may turn out to be close. Do you want to pass this up and it sure would make things easier between you and your guy.

Answer 7

You have to accept the cow with the calf in every marriage.I'm not saying you don't have to express your opinion or anything like that.You just hear her out and you can also ignore her ignorance,because she has probably been raised with no kind of home training.Give respect if you want to recieve it.Stay trying not to stoop on her level just because she's jealous of you and your husband doesn't mean that you have to throw any of that in her face.

Answer 8

you will get more respect from your husband AND step daughter if you listen and bite your tongue. It doesnt matter if what she tells you is usefull or not, what matters is you show maturity and earn love and respect in the prossess. Just remember, it doesnt matter that she still loves him, what matters is that you keep him loving you by being the loving person that he fell in love with and respects.

Answer 9

Be diplomatic and hear her out-but if she's rude call her on

it and make it clear that if she wants co-operation from you

she has to give you respect.Some people have to be taught manners at a basic level before they get the message.

Answer 10

If this man is important to you, then just listen to what his bitchy ex wife, because maybe her needs are important. If not and she acts bitchy, just be nice...it makes you the better person. Good Luck with your relationship! :D