Only mature people plz: WHAT DOES HE WANT?

Question

Hi...
Been married for 5 years. We been together 10 years. Im 28 and he's 29. We got 2 little ones.
I earn a bit less than he does; but he doesn't have to pay rent because housing comes with my contract. As well as health insurance, kids schooling, tickets every summer. I never ask him for money. I buy myself what I want.
I used to be amazing in bed; role-plays, dress-ups, 69's, watch sexy movies together. I'd even put on a wig, contact lenses and a new accent to excite him. But he discouraged all of this.. and our sex life went from lame to lamer over time. We hardly have sex these days.
We can't stop arguing over the littlest things. He won't let go of anything. He calls me the worst names in the world, snaps at me for no apparent reason.
I cook every single day after work. He always comes to clean home and a fresh dinner. I'm not in lingerie, but in a normal pj's.. and of course he complains because my pj's are not pretty enough... if i change, he either complains again, or shrugs it off..
if i try to hug him, he pushes me away and says its not appropriate in front of the kids.
On every occasion, or birthday, he always mocks and belittles whatever I get him. Even a 500 $ Ferrari watch wasn't good enough.
Most men I went out with rated me at 8 out of 10. My ex from 10 years ago still emails me every once in a while asking me if I'm single "yet"!!.. Not saying that I'm perfect; I'm just wondering why he thinks im so bad! He makes fun of me all the time.. my looks, my taste in clothes.. in furniture.. whatever I do or say is always wrong.
I feel like i'd been trying sooo hard to please him and be as perfect as he wishes me to be; but to no avail. He keeps on raising the bar higher and higher and I just can't keep up!
Finally I'd asked for a divorce, I'm sick of the way he belittles me and the fact that he NEVER appreciates anything I do for him... But he says if I file for divorce he will kidnap the kids and will make sure I never see them again.. He claims he loves me too.. But, is this love? What on earth is wrong with him?
Since he doesn't think Im ever good enough, why does he insist on keeping me?.. I'm getting too depressed to eat or function. I need a real man!!!
3 hours ago - 4 days left to answer.
Additional Details
Ok, some seem to misjudge me because I focused on materialistic things rather than stuff like my personality/communicative skills/sense of humor..etc; I'd hate to say that I have it all! I do think I'm funny, and I try to talk to him allllll the time! When we go out I ask him/try to get a conv going... but he prefers to play games on his phone and chat on his BB with his friends.
I am a university lecturer and have been voted as one of the top teachers in the department by the students for 5 consecutive years; so I'm pretty sure this means that I do have decent communicative skills.
However, there's of course always a chance that there's something wrong with me and that I can't see it?! Maybe all men tend to be like that after 10 years of being together? And I simply have to get over this fact? I don't know. That's why I'm asking.
Only 3 weeks ago we had a "family gathering" where my parents and siblings tried to interfere... but to no avail. He is probably a good person deep inside, but it's hard for him to show any positive emotions/feedback. He is only capable of talking when something isn't "perfect" enough and is a strong believer in "criticism" as a disciplinary method which puts people down...
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
Thanks

Answer 1

You have to look deeper, maybe he's having a mid life crisis or something? stress at work?



Honestly, I think you're better than him and you should leave him, youre still young.

Answer 2

I sounds like you to have grown apart and you have lost most or all interest in keeping this going and it is easy to give up when you feel the negatives out weigh the positives and if counseling is not in the realm of things then move on and be happy, good luck!

Answer 3

You need to escape. That means you need to develop a plan so he is not able to carryou out his threat to kidnap the children and give yourself and them a safe haven. Any one who threatens children is deranged and dangerous.

He may well be a good guy deep down inside but he'll not get to that behavior without a great deal of help and a strong desire to change. In the meantime, you need to protect yourself and the children. Plan it out so that you have a safe place to live and some means of protection and then carry out the plan.

Answer 4

Unfortunately he sounds controlling. Almost like he is intimidated by you and does this to keep you down. I think he may be suffering from some insecurities and this is his way of trying to make himself feel good. He just doesn't realize how luck of a guy he is. I think you need to really talk to him and make it clear things need to change. You deserve someone who loves and appreciates you. Don't let him keep emotionally abusing you.

Answer 5

First off, I would get a lawyer and tell them that he threatened to kidnap your children!!



It sounds like he is going through something. Maybe suggest counselling to him? Try and talk to one of his friends?



If it were me and nothing was working, I would have taken my kids to a safe place, gotten a lawyer and police involved and filed for divorce..

Answer 6

he may have something very important bothering him, talk to him about try to see why hes being like this if theres a reason try and help him and support him. but if he keeps denying something or hes just changed give him an ultimatum, whether he starts treating you with respect or you leave him.



it doesnt matter if you wear pj's or lingerie, your partner should always find you sexy/attractive

Answer 7

beauty you want to chat add me, [e-mail], by the way leave him as soon as you can if he trys to take you kids or does then your rid of him for good as he will go to jail