How do I stop missing/loving someone?

Question

I dated someone for around 4 months who I met in December of 2010 (over a year and 1/2 ago). Our brief relationship was very intense. I felt a very strong and unusual emotional and physical connection to him, but, I was married at the time, - going through a separation/the beginnings of a divorce process.

This man is also over 10 years younger than I am (I'm in my 30's, he's in his 20's). During our dating process, because of the situation, we only made plans via texting. I'd spend long weekends with him. We had the most amazing times together, - a true connect. Filled with laughter, emotion and a strong physical connection.

He came into my life at a time when I was missing passion and he filled a very empty space that my husband failed to fill for the 5 years we were married. I felt truly happy and alive when I was with this person and I had forgotten what that felt like.

I was heartbroken when he had to move out of State to accept a job offer, but, over the months he kept in touch (only via texting). He/our relationship changed drastically after his move. He seemed to be going through a very stressful period with his new job, this change of atmosphere in the new city, - which he hates living in.

We got together twice in Houston since his move and both occasions ended in huge blow-up fights. Always the same, - he makes jokes about seeing other women. I start feeling guarded, hurt, jealous and insecure, the sex just doesn't happen because I don't feel loved. I leave. Then we have 'text wars' literally back and forth lasting days and/or weeks.

We stop speaking for 2-3 months. I feel horrible. Heartbroken and right as I'm starting to pick up the pieces, feel good again and close this chapter of my life. He texts me again and it starts all over.

The last time, we didn't actually see each other but had the fight via texting alone. It is SO immature and retarded, - I know. He's only in his mid-twenties.

The problem is, - I'm Still very much in love with him after all this time, even though he definitely hits below the belt in these fights, - calls me names, "*****, whore, ya, - really ugly names. He'll tell me, "stop contacting me Forever, I want to forget you exist", etc., etc. I always end up apologizing at the end via text or email or whatever, - even though it's not my fault at all because I don't want to forget about him, - I do want him as my friend, and, my lover. I never even asked/expected for any sort of commitment at all from him, but, I just want/need to be treated a certain way and 'valued' by him. Especially, if I'm going to be sleeping with him.

It seems as though he wants me to 'comply' with the way he wants things, - just be here in town for him when he visits, when he wants me to be here, make myself available for him physically, - when he wants me and on his terms. He would never talk to me on the phone and that was a real issue for me. Very hurtful. He went back and forth via text saying he wants to be "friends", "friends" for now is good, he'd say, but, there was never anything friendly about our relationship, - it was always very romantic, very sexually focused which I loved, but, the problem is, - I can't keep my heart out of that.

Anyway, I wrote my 'apology' email back on July 3rd. I'll never contact him again but I still miss him. I still love him and want to see him really badly even though I know it's all ludicrous because he couldn't possibly love me (and treat me this way), and, I never know if I'll hear from him again.

I want to get over him, but, I also don't. What should I do?

I have a 4 year old son who keeps me very busy. I don't have a lot of time, I'm not free to go out with friends all the time and meet new people. My divorce just finalized recently. Maybe I'm feeling so sad for a variety of reasons, but, this guy is always in the back of my mind. He's just like, I don't know, set up camp in my head. I want so badly to believe he's a jerk who doesn't love me/isn't capable of love and/or maybe face the truth? He thinks I'm too old for him/disgusted by the fact I have a child/was still legally married when we met. He's told me so many mean things during these fights we have. I don't understand how on one hand I Know he wants to sleep with me, - pretty badly obviously, but, he also wants to make me feel really bad. It's an odd situation. I've never been treated this way before. I could really use some advice.

Thanks so much!

Answer 1

my exwife cheated on me, it hurt a lot, I forgave and wished her the best. It has been 6 years from time to time she cross my mine, I just hope she is truly doing well and then I stop thinking about her. My life now is many folds better.



that guy is still a kid, if you get with him it will happen again with the divorce. If you want to be with him literally you have to do anything he says and even when it is wrong. since he is young i think it might be often. you have a kid to think about. Your only 30 so get out there and look for your soul mate without issues and that understand life



Look at the sky, look at the tree. The joy from everything around you is your happiness.



Your free right now so take advantage of it.



You never know maybe he was just a jerk, politely saying. Good that he is gone, make sure he doesn't come back,delete and remove. Be strong for your sake.



Relationships are obligation, yet enjoyment, but there is responsibilities. Make sure this is the way you want to go.



If you do, join chat rooms, clubs, hobbies and meet people that like what you like.



There is so much you can do, start with little steps and keep at it.

Recommended to take it slow, take time to get to know the person. Try to keep things clean, less baggage. Let years of perfect relationship before marriage (if you want you can always be engaged and married after years has passed). You can always accept the marriage ring and just marry when you have a few years of solid peace and love engagment/relationship. Make sure only settle for your soul mate with peace and keep in mind there are many soul mates. Arguing is normal but is it good, no, so make sure it is 7 years no arguments. After 7 solid years of perfect marriage then a child if desired.



If things are minor I usually just wouldn't even give it a second thought. If it is major I just fix it the best way and that's it. Maybe this will be a good method for you guys. Always reinforce it with Love



Also I see premarital counseling working.Church usually has it for free. You can even attend after marriage.



On another note: Try your best. Love like you never love before. This is the best way for love to come and start surrounding your life. May love be around you, through you and is you.



Love and the Good Life will come

Answer 2

He's using you and he has a lot more growing up to do. Change your number and break off ties. You don't need this jerk in your life. He's a rebound remember this! So start seeing other guys and find the one that's right for you.

Answer 3

Sorry to say it like this but you are the one that read into this wrong..he knew what he was getting into and took it...your where and just was a booty call nothing more...let him go..just take it for what it was...don't dwell or someone that was never yours from the beginnng..member u r the first choice not an option.