If a man cheated on his wife, and his infidelity was revealed...?

Question

I want to hear opinions about this. If a man cheated on his wife, and his infidelity was revealed, but they stayed together and worked it out, how many years of faithful marriage would then have to pass before you would call him a non-cheater?

What if he went a year without cheating again, would you be willing to remove the label then? What about 5 years? How about 15, or 20?

Maybe it's not even the number of years of remaining faithful. What criteria would the man have to meet in order for you to agree with him if he said, "I cheated on my wife in the past, but I am no longer a cheater"?

Answer 1

I think you're an exception Happy. You've shown remorse, you took full responsibility for it, and you haven't put yourself in positions to do it again. Plus you've used your experience to help and -I think- SAVE marriages on M&D. Only God forgives and forgets...he gives us a memory to stop us from hurting ourselves or making the same mistakes again.



To me a cheater is someone that can't or won't stop cheating, and they refuse to get help/therapy for it.

Answer 2

You can never be called a non-cheater (at least not with your wife) because you cheated. Hopefully you can have trust again one day.. but that will take a considerable amount of time and I certainly don't think a definite number can be placed on it. That will come when she feels secure again and only you can make her feel that way. Don't give up. If she's still hurting, she may be lashing out. It will be hard at first, but if you truly love each other you can work it out. Marriage counseling can help. It can also help her realize her role in the infidelity. Not that she is to blame, but it takes two people to get you to the place that led to the infidelity. Its wrong no matter what, but the causes of this can be discovered in therapy, and you can work on the issues that led you there to begin with. Good luck!

Answer 3

I don't think a man can ever make that statement. He might be able to say, "I cheated on my wife in the past, but I have been faithful to my wife for 5 years."



Think about it as a sports game. What if one of the players bribed an official at the beginning of the game but then stopped talking to the ref for the duration of the game. At what point in the game is the player cleared of the "cheater" status. The answer is never. That game will continue to be affected by the bribe until it ends.



I am not saying that you should end your marriage because you were unfaithful. If she has forgiven you and you are able to stay together then great, but for the rest of her life she will have the image of you cheating on her. For the rest of your life you will have the label of "cheater."

Answer 4

However long it took to know beyond a doubt that a complete change of attitude had taken place. I really don't know how long that would be because I wouldn't be in that situation. I can't stay with someone who has done that to us... I think the trust issues would always be there on some level. I do not agree with "once a cheater, always a cheater" because I know that people can change. But cheating even once can cause irreparable damage that would take years to even start fading to where there could be any sense of normality or intimacy as it once was.

Answer 5

There is no statute of limitations on cheating. Once you have stooped to the level of infidelity. you are always a cheater. It's like an alcoholic or a murderer. Once an alcoholic your always an alcoholic (ask any member of Alcoholics Anonymous). Once you have murdered someone you will always be a murderer. There is no such thing as ex-murderers.



A person who has cheated on their spouse or significant other has the potential to cheat again. Once you cross the line...well, you've crossed the line.



To me, infidelity is the cruelest thing a human being can do. How can anyone justify another person knowingly and willingly betraying the trust of a person they have sworn to honor and be faithful to. I can't defend that type of action.

Answer 6

He would have to be very remorseful for a start, and lots of counselling would have to take place.



If the problems in the relationship could be fixed and everything moved forward, then I would say it would take a good few years. maybe about 3 to trust this would never happen again. After that I would say he is no longer a cheater.



This is hypothetical, because I believe in most (not all) circumstances, once and cheater always a cheater.

Answer 7

A sinner is no longer a sinner once God has forgiven him, I 'm pretty sure anyway.



SO, if a cheater is forgiven by the one on whom he has cheated, I think he should not longer be labelled a cheater.



Besides, how can you label a person. A man cheats ONCE and that makes him a cheater for ever??



What about a man who does something heroic? he's a hero. But if he turns around and starts robbing banks, does he lose the title of being hero? you're darn tootin'



SO if a man has changed his ways, he IS what he IS and should not be judged on his past.



However..........human nature makes some people judgemental. Fortuntately, they're not the ones he needs to worry about. IF his wife has forgiven him (you) then that is the only forgiveness you need seek.



And maybe the forgiveness of the one you cheated with if they didn't know you were married.



Otherwise, being a good faithful honestly repentful husband.....should do it.



Now if you were married to me and cheated.........hmmmmmm.........payback would be sweet!!! I think I'd sleep with your best friend and video tape it and give you the tape as a valentine's present!!

Answer 8

A woman never forgets an infidelity as long as you can say you cheated you are techinically a cheater. There is no number of years that will erase that.

Answer 9

I don't believe in god or karma. But if you mean that they will someday get caught and possibly treated the same way, then I think its possible. But I don't believe there is an absolute answer to this. For instance, my ex girlfriend pulled a kitchen knife on me and broke some of my belongings during a domestic dispute. I called the police for help. The police told me that I had to leave or go to jail. A month later she actually attacked me. I reported both incidents. But very obviously I got the threat of jail for being a victim of domestic violence.

Answer 10

There are a lot of people telling you that cheating is like murder or alcoholism - once you've done it you're always a cheater. So what they're saying is, if a little boy falsely says, "Yes, Mommy, I finished my broccoli," then that boy is forevermore a liar. It doesn't matter what he does the rest of his life, he lied, so he is a liar. I call bull on that concept. I say, once you've proven a pattern of faithfulness, you're not a cheater anymore.

Answer 11

my husband cheated on me.we worked threw it and i have forgiven and moved on.we are happy now.but i will always consider him a cheater.1 because he has in fact cheated becuase 2 he very well may again.he has been faithfull so far and he may very well be faithfull for the rest of his life but the saying is once a cheater always a cheater.its in ther mentality.even if they can surpress the erge to actually go and do it agian he may think about it time to time....

Answer 12

I do not think it is ever possible to say how long it takes to regain a wife's trust. There are so many things needed to be taken into account and unique to the couples involved.To me to gain some one trust back your actions should speak louder than your words and be 100% sincere and back it up with sustain effort for as long as it takes to fade from her mind and that is the best you can hope for.because

I don't think it is ever possible to erase this totally from her mind just in prominence ..

a total commitment to prove it was a horrible mistake..

Answer 13

To me it's kind of like being an Alcoholic. You can be sober, but you'll always be an alcoholic. I think maybe when the relationship is over you can say your no longer a "cheater".

Answer 14

The breach of trust will always linger in the back of the violated partners mind. i dont think you ever lose the label.. You should try to find out from the public how many would CONFESS They are cheating to their partners.. not many or that TV show cheaters wouldnt be so popular..

Answer 15

i wouldnt get back together with him. the trust would completely be lost and i would much rather keep my freedom and sanity.



in the rare possibility that i would go back, and if i had to put a number on it, i would say 10 years.



but then again, how would we ever know that he's been clean? cheaters are similar to addicts. and some fall off the wagon. id like my life to be clean and pure as i possibly can and not babysit some middle aged menopausal man.

Answer 16

Sorry the label sticks forever. It does not matter how long your together, you cheated on her, so you will always be labeled a cheater. H*ll! I cheated on my second wife, and even now that I'm remarried, I still have to hear about my past.

Answer 17

No amount of years could pass for him to be called a non-cheater. If he never cheated after cheating once, he could be called an "ex-cheater." But if he cheated once, he could never be called a non-cheater.

Answer 18

There is no "time frame" or statute of limitations on a cheating spouse. Time heals....but it's always "there." Especially if the spouse still "blames" it on the other person in the marriage. "Yes, I cheated but only because she/he MADE me do it...or PUSHED me to it. Once you can OWN UP to what you did and start healing the hurt you caused in a loving, meaningful way....the other person will ALWAYS feel cheated on.

Answer 19

That's like asking, "if I kill someone, how long do I have to wait until I'm not a murderer anymore?"



If he cheated, he is a cheater. Forever. You can't undo what you have done - so better not to do it in the first place.

Answer 20

Cheater is just a name you give someone who cheats. You can't erase the past.

Answer 21

I think once you completely forgive him, he's not a cheater any longer. He becomes a "good man who made a mistake". How long that takes depends on the relationship completely. For me... I don't think I would ever be able to forgive and forget that. He would always be a cheater to me.

Answer 22

I think that number doesn't exist. For most women, the suspicion would always be in the back of their minds.

It's like addiction to drugs or alcohol- once you've earned the label, the potential is ALWAYS there to repeat the behavior. You can never say, "I am an ex-alcoholic"!

Answer 23

You can't sober up from cheating. Once a cheater always a bastard. After 5 years, you're an ok bastard.

Answer 24

Its a silly question. The label is just that. If you had a one night stand with a prostitute the 2nd day of your marriage, and never strayed again for 51 years, can it be said you didn't cheat?



Its all esoteric argument here. Terms of art.



If your wife looked at a beefcake and fantasized about doing him in her heart, wouldn't she have been just as adulterous as you having a one night stand with another woman?

Answer 25

Only the cheater himself knows for sure if he hasn't cheated again, others may not believe him. However it's not really other people's business.

Answer 26

If I decide to take the man back, the label "cheater" has to go. The man's character is the defining factor here, but, it takes a wise person to detect such character.



Its not the time it takes to take the label off, its the time it takes to keep it off.

Answer 27

unfortunately... that label will stay forever. I can't get my wife to forget about the time I washed colors with the whites. I may have learned my lesson and will never do it again, but I am still labeled as being incompetent when it comes to laundry.

Answer 28

It would take a long time ( at least for me ), maybe a life time? I can't forgive cheating people very easy.

Answer 29

4 or 5 years in my opinion.

Answer 30

Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't "label" him to begin with. Who am I to judge other people's private lives? I feel there are things that are best left for the participants to sort out.

Answer 31

Sir I know someone like that and they are a cheater to the end, it's a title you cannot retract.

Answer 32

Once a cheater/always a cheater. Sorry. It's like virginity; once it's gone, it is gone.

Answer 33

He will always be a cheater regardless of time. It is only a matter of time before he slips again.

Answer 34

i don't see why people should be stuck with that label forever it's not like being a recovering alcoholic are we going to call him a recovering cheater ?

Answer 35

At least 5.

Answer 36

He cheated on her...period. How can you love somebody but at the same time knowingly hurt them. I would not be able to hurt my hubby like that. I cheated before on one of my ex's but I got to tell you I did not care about his feeling and I care about my hubbys feelings.

Answer 37

Their is no "Statue of Limitation" on a cheater !!

Answer 38

Thats the whole in one, there" I cheated on my wife in the past, but I am no longer a cheater" You admitted it, you remembered it, and you arent going to( get caught) do it again..........

Answer 39

It depends on how long it would take for your wife to Truly trust you again.

Answer 40

ABOUT 5 YEARS...

Answer 41

You say who you are.