What sould I do about my wife's "new" friends???

Question

Trying this question again, but wording it more carefully. We have been married for 20 years. Durring those 20 years she really had no male friends other than mutual friends ( other couples we both knew) 6 years ago -caught her in a 3 month affair with her best friends husband. Hurt like hell....but we worked through it, I regained my trust... forgave but will never forget. Recently in the last year, she has been going out with her female friends to nightspots to chill and listen to some live music. I know that guys approach her, they sometimes exchange phone numbers/email addresses and have conversations the next week. Here is my question....I have discussed this with her stating that I am very uncomfortable with this, and she insists that it is all platonic, that I should not be bothered with it. The cell is mine and I have called some of these #s only to hear a guy answer or his vm and promplty hang up. Her response is to "get a life!" Am I crazy to feel this way????

Answer 1

I'm Not Sure Where You Got Lost with All That she is Doing or are You Turning a Blind Eye to It Because of The Hurt you Went Through Before?

Shes Doing one Of 2 Things

1) Shes Keeping Her Options Open.

2) Shes Looking For Fun Outside Your Marriage.

The Writings on The wall Plain To See.

Maybe Instead Of Hanging Up on Those Numbers You Might Try Talking to Them and Just ask Them Who they are and What is it they Think they are Going to Get Out of Your Wife.

Answer 2

Don't sound good considering what happened in the past. I have been married 28 years. I go out occasionally with friends, but would never exchange phone numbers or email addys with another guy. I may be old fashioned but its just not proper. I would be highly POed if my husband did that even tho Im not a jealous person. There are limits in a relationship. Im sorry honey but I think you might want to hire a PI just to make sure you aren't being cheated on again. Trust can go just so far then you have to trust your GUT instinct, and I say again,its just not right to exchange personal info with another man/woman you met in a bar if you are married.

Answer 3

Well I feel that since she cheated once she really should be more considerate of your feelings. She has a right to go out and have fun but it is inappropriate for a marreid woman to be giving her number to guys she meets in bars. It seems like your wifes attention should be on saving the marriage and not bar hoping. So no I do not think you are crazy. ALso, it might be a good idea to take her advice about getting a life-if not with her as someone you can trust then without her with someone else.

Answer 4

No, you're not crazy. In fact, you have a right to be worried/upset. Your wife is married, and that means that she can't just go out and accept guys' numbers and have little "Phone Trysts" with other men. I mean, it's ok for her to go out, but considering her history, I'd be worried. Im sorry, im not trying to make you anymore worried than you are, but, I know how it is. I would just assume that she's back to her old ways, but still, dont jump the gun. Over the next few weeks, look @ what happens and decide what you feel then.



Still, be careful.

Answer 5

NO, you are NOT crazy to feel this way whatsoever. You have every rite to be upset w/all the things that are transpiring in your relationship. It sounds like she's having a problem very well w/just plain getting older. Of course you're not going to forget her affair, & no one can blame you. I give you credit for giving her another chance. But this new thing about going out, giving other men her cell no. & visa versa honestly do not sound good to me whatsoever. I'm far from a kid myself, & I know the feeling of trying to hold on to your youth as long as you can. BUT, she IS a married woman nontheless & should act like one. She is surely not showing you the respect you deserve, especially w/the forgiveness you gave to her. I honestly feel she owes you the decency of either staying home where she belongs, OR goes out w/her husband as other married couples do. I do not feel she is being honest w/you, & I'm sorry to be frank w/you in this respect. But I don't feel you are getting what you so deserve in your marriage. I do not feel she is telling you the truth, & you certainly do NOT deserve to be treated in this manner.I seriously would consider getting to the truth. You might happen to know a friend who has a cell phone w/a camera a lot of folks have. Just plain have her followed, if pictures are required to prove her differently than she's stating to you, then so be it. Have them taken & shown to her as proof. You do not deserve to be deceived or made a fool of by her. I don't blame you one bit for your feelings. I was in the same situation at one time, he is now my ex. I am far from being a child & no doubt even older than you. BUT you DO deserve respect, & I would demand it. There's only so much a person can be expected to take. You've gone above & beyond! Best to you...

Answer 6

You really do need to get a life without her. A married women who exchanges phone numbers with guys she meets at a bar is out trolling and not to make platonic guy friends.

Answer 7

Look. Bro. There is absolutely NO REASON for a married woman to be exchanging phone numbers and Email addresses with strange men in a bar. PERIOD. This you know, homie......and sad to say, she has shown a propensity for deceit already......kinda hard to put that genii back in the bottle, huh? It should be enough that you have told her this behavior makes you uncomfortable. What does her lack of understanding and caring say about how highly your feelings rank in her life.....?

Answer 8

You are not crazy, and you are right to be worried.

I thought that i would break stride from the other responses you recieved and maybe help figure out why she feels the need to go to bars and give other guys her phone number.



To me it sounds like she is lacking attention and feeling like she has to go to a bar and get hit on to feel like shes worth it. Have the conversation with her. Tell her that you worried about losing her. Make sure that you boost her ego. Women need to feel wanted and have their egos boosted sometimes just like men do. Try to change both your situations by making it so she can get her ego boosted by you instead of having to go down to the bar to have other men hit on her.



Talk to her - dont fight with her. Explain you worries, and make sure that you are giving her the love, affection and attention she needs (meeting her emotional needs) and if it contiunes then you have something to really worry about.

Answer 9

It sounds like she is up to something. Why don't you try just "giving her enough rope to hang herself?" In other words, let her have her space, keep an eye on her, if she is up to something she will eventually goof up and you will find out. If you are prying about she will be more careful about what she says to you. Pay close attention to what she says and how she says it. Otherwise, you cannot stop her from cheating on you if that is what she wants to do. It will be hard but in the end, you will be better off.

Answer 10

You are not crazy to feel this way. You don't exchange numbers and email addresses at a bar just to chat.

Answer 11

She is cheating dude. When a married woman get another mans email or number it isn't to go shopping. It is for one thing. Sorry you are going through it, but you gotta get her to some marriage counseling or get a divorce before you end up raising another man's kid or get a disease from her.

Answer 12

Don't know the lady, but, based on what you have said, I personally wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw here. She's cheating on you dude. All this talk about "platonic" relationships is just garbage.

Answer 13

No my brother, u r not crazy! she is treating u in such a way which is not bearable 2 a human being!! my advice is break it off with her nd try 2 start a new life with some one else, u will definately live life better !! u should'nt suffer like this!

Answer 14

No not crazy.



Your wife is not respecting you.



And obviously she did not learn from her past mistake.



You really cant tell her what to do or not. Because if she wants to she will anyways, more secretly.



But, she is not behaving right. It is okay to be friendly, but NOT FRIENDS with other men.



We both know why men what to be friends with women, and vice versa....

Answer 15

You'd be crazy not to feel that way in my opinion. What the hell is she exchanging phone numbers and e-mail addresses with men anyway? That is so disrespectful! I can't believe you really think these are all just platonic friends either. I don't want to be mean to you but honey WAKE UP !!!!!

Answer 16

Your wife should be ashamed of herself for treating like your deaf, dumb and blind. The writing is on the wall dude, stop ignoring it and drop her like a hot potato because the only thing you are right now is a bill payer.

Answer 17

she is cheating

divorce her take everything she has including kids

(why would u let her live around ur kids like that) if exisist

sue the lover for alienation of affection only legal in 5 states

(big money involved in option 2)

Answer 18

You are not crazy, sounds like she is cheating again. I am not a fan of ultimatums, but if this were my marriage, I would have to tell my man that it is going out and hanging out with other men or me. She can't have it both ways.

Answer 19

yeah, she is cheating on you for sure. no you are not crazy to feel this way.



start going out with some of your buddies and have girls numbers on your cell phone.



start there.

Answer 20

No I don't think you are



I don't believe your wife is being entirely straight with you either



it sounds like she's living the life of a 20-something. wanting to live that kind of lifestyle. It could be that nothing is going on. maybe she's collecting the numbers with no intention of calling because she's enjoying the attention

Answer 21

well i went threw that as she was cheating on me so the thing i did was to throw her out of the kids 23 old squatting in the home went too, you want something that her boy friend has??

Answer 22

dont trust her by now she should know what bounderies she should not cross if she wants u to feel like u can trust her. its ur cell take notice of all her incoming and outcoming calls

Answer 23

I think you should let your wife handle this. Your being overprotective and need to give her some space. How do you know that your wife will have affairs with these guys? Maybe they're just friends. But if you find your wife having affairs again, you should question your marriage and see if you guys were really meant for marriage.

Answer 24

just let her do her own thing and if you really have doubts about when she says she going to "Hang out" with them sit her down and talk to her or bring it up casually or in a funny way (jokingly).

Answer 25

Shame on her for "fooling" you once.



Shame on YOU for her "fooling" YOU twice.

Answer 26

no she probably is cheating on you..'

thats hard for me to say because i dont know her at all

but thats what it sounds like



will you please help me out??

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20080607185605AArOocJ

Answer 27

you will never ever reapir a relationship after adultery. please for your own sake dump her.