My drinking spouse is driving me crazy. Have you been there and got through it?

Question

He's an alchoholic, but doesn't think he is because he can only drink on Friday nights. He has admitted in the past that he has a problem. This past week, he drank just about every day. I am the child of an alchoholic and know the ropes. I'm not a wife who makes it easy on him and I certainly don't let him put the blame on me. Here's the issue. He has become so argumentative lately, more so than usual, and about really ridiculous stuff. We've been really happy in our marriage, but after this past week, I'm ready to throw in the towel. I really want to give him an ultimatum. I realized last night that I treat my overeating with the same amount of care as he does his drinking problem. I was thinking of proposing a deal where he helps me eat responsibly and I help him not drink. My other idea is to tell him that I do not want to be around the drinking anymore, but I'm sure he'll tell me that I can leave. I'm not looking to leave him, but something has got to change. Your ideas?

Answer 1

hello

your husband needs pro help a clinic.

if you 2 are going to stay together

your bad eating habbits will stop when he stops.

they have have to be one on one..try AAA FOR DRINKING.

then try social services for adult help. drinking drugs etc.

you may have to go along for moral support.

everything will take tme to heal in its course.

EXP.BEEN THERE DONE THAT....it aint easy...getting

over the mountain is tuff...the rest is not that bad....

make it and your a winner you and your husband,

never give up. The answer is not in a bottle or eating...

stick together, be together....MAKE A CHANGE SINCE

NOW.....ITS RUFF BUT SO IS LIFE..

BEST

Answer 2

For a woman who grew up in an alcoholic family and you say you know the ropes, doesnt really come across. He has an alochol problem and he needs professional help. By you even being there is making light of the problem. Whilever you stay and get involved with his petty arguments you are inadvertently telling him thats its OK hes an alcoholic. There are very few women who can solve their husband's drinking problem with good intentions. An alcoholic usually has to lose everything before he will pull himself out of the gutter. Maybe you need to go to some AA meetings yourself and hear the testimonials of other alcoholics. You need to hear the catalyst that made them stop drinking. That catalyst is usually when a loved one leaves them. Its a pretty drastic step to take, but sometimes it is the only thing you can do. Maybe you need to give him an ultimatum....that he either gets help for his problem, or you will leave. Let him tell you to leave.....it will just be a reactionary comment. Give him time on his own and he may come to realise that his alcoholism is a real problem and get some help for it. You cant reason with an alcoholic.....you should know that It sounds very logical what you are proposing about the responsible eating, but an alcoholic IS NOT logical. Maybe you dont know the ropes as well as you think. Maybe you only know what it was like to be raised in an alcoholic family and what steps to take to deal with living with an alcoholic.....like, what and when to say something. If your father was an alcoholic then you have learnt only how your mother handled the situation. I take it your mother stayed with him and never demanded he get help. Is your father still an alcoholic, if so, then nothing your mother did worked. If he is not still a alcoholic...then what did it take for him to get off the booze?



The alcohol is his first love.....he needs to be clean for you to become his first love and for him to become clean then he needs to be committed to getting professional help.....that is the only way it is going to work.

Answer 3

Given you've been there... you know the answer. Go to Al Anon the group for people involved with alcoholics.

I challenged my spouse - "you're drinking a bottle of whiskey a week along with 12-18 beers. In any one's definition you're a serious drinker... a border line alcoholic." his response was -

"I never miss work, it doesn't affect what I do and I am never nug over" But the fact you have to say that... means there IS a problem



I was fortunate that he stopped drinking on the spot. However, he's not gotten to the WHY of the drinking.



Do Not put up with it and get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting.

Good Luck

Answer 4

Well, at least your spouse has admitted he has a problem.



I divorced my alcoholic husband because he refused to admit that and wouldn't even try to help fix the situation.



You "know the ropes" from being in the situation growing up. It's up to you to decide if you really do want to live the rest of your life like this or not.



One piece of advice, though... unless you are REALLY serious about divorce (like you're going to go to an attorney if he doesn't change), do not threaten it. If you give him an ultimatum, then follow through.



Good luck

Answer 5

Maybe test him? He stops drinking for a month to show he can control it with the assurance that he can have the occasional drinks afterward. Drinking is a social thing and not always alcoholism. Some people drink once a week, some a drink a day, and are not necessarily alcoholics.

Answer 6

I'd get out now. You can't change him.

It's going to get a whole lot worse. Ultimatums don't work. He's going to have to want to change himself.



Overeating has really nothing to do with his drinking. Join weightwatchers, start walking or go on a diet.

Answer 7

The only one going to stop him from drinking is him . The only way he,s going to want to stop is if he gets sick. There is some kind of pills on the net you can get that will make them sick if they drink not sure what its called but it makes them have twice the hang over

Answer 8

great question.

I guess its a matter of compromising as well and helping each other out with each others problems and having that support and mentor. Join AA with him and help him through it and in turn he can help you with the smart choices on food.

My partner and i have been dealing with same issues my responsible eating and his drinking issues.

Answer 9

You could try the deal thing...but if he is an alcoholic, he will not stop until he makes up his own mind to no matter what you do.

As far as your eating issue...rules are the same...when you make up your own mind to change, you will...regardless of what he does or does not do.

You know the ropes as you say...you either stay with him like he is until and if he changes or you leave.

Simple as that.



be cool...

Answer 10

If he refuses to change, then you better consider what is the next course of action you wish to take

Answer 11

after 15 years of draining my life, I divorced the drunk.