you have a wonderful wife who treats you and your three other children so well they call he mum....you are more blessed than many.
fathering three other kids by three other women is in no way ideal. it is also indicative of a habit of not learning from past mistakes or irrisponsibility.
but that was then and this was now.
she marrieds you knowing your past so if you treat her well and are doing everything you can to provide the best you can...how can you be a bad husband? all we can do is our best.
obviously money is tight and the main focus/cause of this stress/depression. you can be dirt poor and still make her smile. you can be dirt poor and still make her feel like she is the most amazing person in the world.
and coming from a woman that has been dirt poor, with kids to look after......if you make her smile and feel special, regardless of your bank account....she can handle it. being broke is so much easier,
if she feels appreciated, and not taken for granted....she wont care that you are struggling....as long as you are trying.
p.s get a vasectomy:)
your kids just need the essentials and to feel love and support. it doesn't cost money too kick a football round with them. it doesn't cost money to read or take them fishing.
not only is that sh*T all free....that what they need and want more than anything material...
that's the stuff that they will remember and be thankful for throughout their life.
stop being so hard on yourself. i remember being so poor neither of had a pot to p*ss in. we were bloody happy though, we had a good marriage and had more fun than most people we knew...it'll get better, just keep your sense of humour and don't forget to appreciate and enjoy the things that count. and thankfully all those things are FREE