in arranged marriages, do you really know whether he/she is the one?
2008-07-10 20:17:32 UTC
I am going thru' this phase of "arranged marriages".. there are a few basic requirements for my spouse as in education, well-qualified & decent family, understand that I am career-oriented as well. I feel that there are proposals which meet the basic criteria & are OK.. I do not feel excited about it; at the same time, I am wondering whether I wud never get excited (afterall, it is arranged marriage)- so, I do not want to let go of a "potential candidate", in search of "the one"; my basic question is "is it common to nod ur head for yes, as long as you do not hate that person & cannot think of a reason not to get married to this person; or do you absolutely know whether this is the one or not?"
Twelve answers:
Santosh S
2008-07-10 23:56:00 UTC
the basic problem we have that we create a ideal girl or boy whom we want to marry and we won't find one like that anywhere

love marriages too are not different coz in love marriage initially one only see the good part before marriage and after marriage comes the real person.

basically it is best to expect the person how he or she is and try adjusting accordingly but its a 2way process it has to be done from both the sides.

it is better if u talk to the person before getting married meet him once or twice and see him in his eyes n ask questions u might come to know if he is honest sly or deceptive in his answers and this will help u too decide
2008-07-11 04:17:18 UTC

My advanced wishes for your happy married life.

In my opinion, i always say arranged marriage is better than the other way. Marriage is not only between two individual, it is sort of union of 2 families. We get more people around us.

what is that you get to know abt the guy if you r into love marriage? I dont think u know much. Before marriage u only see him as a good caring person. That is how guys r. there r lots of uncertainity when it comes to love marriage. It is your own decision and u fail to see the negative side.

But, in a arranged marriage, elders not only see abt the match between you both. But also abt the family background and lot others to see if you fit in that place.

Marriage doesnt start with love between you both. First you need to be in a right place, so that you feel comfortable with him and people around u. Then love grows as you both live for each other. Key to a successful start of married life in arranged marriage is to make ur inlaws accept you as part of them. That is more important than ur husband accept you.

Comming to the carrier. The main thing you need to realise and accept is your responsiblities in ur family. Carrier is always secondary. Making money is not life. Manage money is important. It is easy to say "why a wife should not work?". But a wifes main responsiblity is to be a good wife and mother. When it comes to kids, there is no alternate for them than being cared by mother. Sure it is between you and ur hubby to decide abt u working. But always remember ur core responsiblity in the family. Carrier and office will never be with u when u want support at home.

Dont get confused abt how it is going to be with a unknown person. Sure ur parents will find a suitable person for you.

Msg in YM if you wish to chat more. Sure will help you in what ever way possible
Jesse James
2008-07-11 04:11:53 UTC
You actually and really understand a person after staying 24/7 for some period, say 6-8 month or year. In the begining in Love, you will feel one the RIGHT one and don't see the other side of coin unless it's v long. still there may be chances that one is not right

In Arranged, initally before marrige you may not be excited if you have some diff. sketches in mind but it should be after some tals and meet if you find one caring and good.

starts talikng.............
2008-07-11 03:38:55 UTC
Are you serious? Heck no, IT'S AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE! It is a business merger between two families in the hopes of creating successful offspring. You aren't making the decision to give yourself to someone based on your own choices. Rather, this is a pre-planned union made by you and your fiance's parents. If you do go through with the union, you will eventually fall in love with that person (or die if you choose to divorce, so I've heard) but that doesn't mean that they are, per se, the one. Because you weren't allowed to use your heart's compass to navigate to that person.

If you fall in love with an ambitious janitor, you better let your heart take it. Simple as that.
2008-07-11 16:55:29 UTC
Well its very critical decision to make whether the person whom your gonna marry will meet your expectations- In my opinion - Before you expect a good wife - BE A GOOD HUSBAND -and in the case of you - Before you expect a good husband - BE A GOOD WIFE - prepare yourself to be a good wife by learning from the elders who have successfully lived in their lives together for a long time - Mine is an arranged marriage and first thing i have done is to be a good husband and i got a good wife- Vice verse
2008-07-11 04:15:31 UTC
you can never know if that person is the one for you in arranged can only know that after living with that person for some days which isn't possible until after marriage....i am not really into arranged marriages but i know my fate has one in i think you should just stall the engagement to try to know them a little better....i mean it is the rest of your thing that i know for sure is that if you have good character traits, education and values and some decent will get a better guy than some "used" turns to balance out i guess.
2008-07-11 03:23:39 UTC
Even in so called Love marriages the rate of seperation is almost the same IF NOT MORE ! We will definatley get our Life Partner one way or the other and the RIGHT one too !
2008-07-11 03:31:39 UTC
arrange marriages always seem more objective and less emotional roller coaster ride. i would want a stable marriage in which i get along with the person and have a deep friendship than one where we are no compatable outside of physical attraction
Jesus C
2008-07-11 03:30:45 UTC
if it is from those countries you are referring to, feel sorry,because you dont know the person who will marry you at all,beside that ,personality 's could be an issue for both persons ,so if marriage dont last long who will get the blame ? sorry but my opinion is,you ,or whoever areclose to that step in life,should have the oportunity to treat the person,who will be your half for the future more and more,and have less chances to colapse in marriage ,.
2008-07-11 03:28:35 UTC
All depends on you, b'coz if you like then definitely you'll marry him. It was in olden days to simply nod your head in acceptance & also due to respect of the elders. Now a days most of the girls reject if they don't like & it is not a compulsion to accept the boy selected by the elders.

♥ Daddy's girl ♥
2008-07-11 05:03:41 UTC
nope...we cant know excactly.....but one thing u can do is trust in god...i did it i ended up happily..thank god!
2008-07-12 01:54:07 UTC
of course not -

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