My husband doesn't care about my feelings anymore?

Question

It's like he doesn't care about me anymore. He works like a dog to provide for us, 12-14h a day, but it is not physical job. & he rarely has a day off. He can have a day off sometimes once a fortnight. Anyway, today he came home early & I was angry on him from last night. Instead if trying to make up, he fixed his food & sit to watch a tv, like he's never seen it before. That lasted for 2 hours, by that time my mood was off completely, cos he acted like I wasn't even there. Then our small daughter, she is just a baby, she hit me in the face with the phone & all he said was aii... I started crying cos it really hurt & he still was watching his tv like I wasn't even there. We don't even sleep in the same room for about a month. He doesn't care about me anymore?? Why is he acting like that? It hurts me. It should have been a quality time together, cos we hardly have time for it. It is not a first time he ignores, when I'm sad or cry!!

Answer 1

"We should have quality time together because we hardly have time for it"........... Yet, he came home and you're STILL mad about something from last night?!?! I'd have ignored you too honestly. I can't be bothered to argue five minutes after someone starts, let alone drag it out until the next day.... it just takes too much energy to be mad and stay mad and to argue and fight.



If you want to change your relationship and improve it, I'd spend that energy working on your relationship and making it into a good one and showing him how much you care about him and love him.



ADD: Sweetie, I do it all the time. My husband has a typical Irish temper where he blows up over nothing. Five minutes later, it's forgotten. He got whatever was bothering him off his chest (be it work or the way someone was driving or something that I did or forgot to do) and it's done and over with. He and I both make each other laugh when one of us is upset about something and we get OFF the subject. That clears the tension and it's done... it's forgotten. We've been very happily married for over 15 years so it's worked for us. Why in the world would you want to drag a fight out.... If something is REALLY bothering you, you need to talk to him when you're calm and not mad .... then he'll probably listen, okay? Good luck to you.

Answer 2

it doesn't sound like to me that you work. And, he works 12-14 hours a day. If you're not working, then he's the bread winner. And, the LAST thing he wants to do is walk into his home where he's supposed to be at peace and hear you arguing w/him or being angry with him. A man working that hard just wants peace at home. If you lay off and let him be, he will more than likely come around.

Answer 3

Well your partly to blame for this. I mean being mad for something he did yesterday? I think you both have a lack of communication with each other. I mean you said he works like a dog for you two and your child,the least you can do is cut him a little bit of slack,maybe he just wanted to relax on the couch and watch some tv. I think your overreacting but I do think you two should go to counseling.



Hope I helped.

Answer 4

Try not being angry with him all the time.



From what you wrote you say you were still angry with him from last night.



Try not keeping a grudge. Try giving him a hug and kiss when he gets home and ask him about his day. Keep the past in the past, every day is a new day. Treat him nice and see what happens.

Answer 5

Due to your mental illness, you are incapable of caring about the feelings of others* so you have worn him down with years of abuse so that he now survives with maximum defense mechanisms in place at all times.



You are abusive.

You need therapy.

You need medication.



*No you are not, you may say your care, you may think you care, but you are incapable of showing this via consistent meaningful actions (aka Love). The "consistent" part is where you are physiologically incapable.





"It's like he doesn't care about me anymore."

This is called an ANT - an Automatic Negative Thought.

It's not true. You know it's not true. I know it's not true. Everyone reading knows this is not true.

Yet you still obsess over this thought.

This is a very common issue with people that have some sort of mental illness.

A psychologist can work with you to find root-cause.

A therapist can work with you to change your current thought patterns (cognitive therapy).



"... I was angry on him from last night."

This is a common martial mistake that you are making.

There are several of books that cover how to better deal with this issue.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

The Five Love Languages

His Needs; Her Needs

The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work

etc...

Even the Bible, I believe it is the source of the saying "Do not let the sun set on your anger."



"Instead if trying to make up, he fixed his food ..."

Why on God's Green Earth is this man preparing his own dinner?

Do you have any idea how powerful of a message you are sending to him about how little you care about him?

And he keeps working and keeps providing for you.

Yet you're so clueless why he's so angry.



"... sit to watch a tv ..."

Of course he is, the alternative is what? Fight and argue with you?

This is "stonewalling", a primary martial defense mechanism to avoid conflict.



"... like he's never seen it before."

This is more interjection by you, more ANT-like though patterns.

You know damn well the reason he plopped in front the TV was not to watch TV.

Stop acting like you have "no idea" why he does not want to talk to you.

You have to realize your behavior is not "OK".



"That lasted for 2 hours, by that time my mood was off completely, cos he acted like I wasn't even there."

An adult's mood in controlled by them and no one else.

A child's mood is heavily influenced by others and primary task of parenting is teaching them better ways to understand and interact with the world.



"Then our small daughter, she is just a baby, she hit me in the face with the phone"

Victim Mentality.

Poor me! Look, I am so incompetent that I am incapable of properly holding my own baby!!! WAH!!!

If you were properly looking after the baby, the baby wouldn't have a phone in its hands.

If you were taking responsibility for yourself, then you would not allow such dangerous situations to arise - you would proactively handle them.

You might not even be consciously aware that you did this on purpose, but you did.

Another common facet of mental illness is that you just sit there and allow things to happen around you as-if you have "no control" over the situation.



"Yeah, but how can I not be angry & nice, when last night we didn't finish our argument ..."

A therapist can work specifically with you and teach you how do exactly his.

Answer 6

Ok, the guy is being rude. But think about this: he works 12-14 hours a day. He must be exhausted when he arrives home. And when he gets there, the only thing he must want is a moment of peace. Try talking to him in a kind way (not as a scolding). Tell him how do you feel slowly, and ask him what do you have to do to make it keep working.

Answer 7

You are a needy clingy child who is selfish. That is why your marriage is failing. You acknowledge that both of you work too hard. You will only get what you want (love, validation, reassurance) when your husband gives it. You cannot demand it. You must also give him what he needs (joy, sex, respect). Do not stay in this whiney beyoch mode. Start giving to him. Tell him gently what you need. When he give some more then you give some more.



All the 14 year olds here will insist on a negative punitive cycle, guess what? They are all smug but alone. Be a joy.

Answer 8

Have you trie to talk to him about it?



But really it sonds like it may be time to move on. You deserve better.