Relationships: Need to talk to my husband...?

Question

Im 36.5 weeks pregnant and have bottled in the majority of my emotions. Two weeks ago I tried to discuss some issues I had with him but within a minute I knew there was no communication and didn't want to argue so I just dropped it.

I have to talk to my husband, theres so many issues I have right now that aren't him but just everything else. I know he might resent some of the things, but honestly I can't just sit around all day with all of these things...

Whens the most appropriate time to talk to your husband? Is there something I can say to prepare him for what I need to talk about? Maybe telling him im bothered and really need his open minded attention when hes ready... not wanting to argue but needing to find resolutions??

What can I say?

Answer 1

Suffice it to say, there is NO good time to talk to your husband. Make a little flip book out of the rolls on your stomach and have him read that. Things will go much more smoothly.



Brandon

Answer 2

Most times men have one time of day that they are really reseptive and willing to listen for my husband it occurs while he's at work (not the best time to talk to him....he gets really irritated, however does listen quiet well....). Figure out when your husband is most likely to listen the start to explain that you need his help. During your conversation there are key things you can do to keep it open. Don't use the word YOU it is a personal attack and they shut down. Use words like me, my, and I those all reflect on you not on him. Make sure he knows if something he is doing bothers you but do it in a way that makes him feel like it isn't an attack....for example.

My husband leaves his towel on the floor in the bathroom and it drives me absolutely batty....so I said this "we need to keep the towels off the floor because the puppy thinks its ok to potty where it's wet." I didn't blame but made it mutual and didn't attack. That is the key to talking....don't point the finger make it all mutual. Or you can write a letter and mail it to him...I've done that because no matter what I did he didn't want to hear what I had to say so I made it where he didn't get a choice. Give it a try see what he does. He loves you enough to listen and I'm sure he wants to help.

Good Luck,

Momma_Bear

Answer 3

Well, at 36.5 weeks your emotions are swinging from the trees. ; ) Tread lightly so you don't get hurt.



I'd tell him that you're really feeling emotional and that you need for him to be very sensitive and to listen to you. If he need to go talk to some friends or something in order to get into that space, then allow him that. You're thinking along the right lines.



Somebody else mentioned that men are hard wired to think about helping when presented with a problem and I think that's very wise and accurate.



Be gentle with yourself. I've been around pregnant women and I know what it's like in the final weeks. It's not easy. But yes, you need to get this off your chest and get him talking.



Pregnant women are so wonderful. I hope your husband realizes that. They're so warm and soft and they're all aglow and ohhhhh slap me. Gotta stop thinking about this stuff...



Take care of yourself and enjoy these last days of quiet. You're gonna be real busy soon.



Good luck.

Answer 4

I really don't know what to tell you.



It really depends on what kind of a man you are married to.



If you don't feel comfortable to just approach him about things that are bothering you, then either there is a problem with him or you. I don't mean to be disrespectful or hurtful by what I am saying, but I have seen what a good marriage looks like.



A good, loving, stable marriage is one in which each party is very comfortable with each other to the point where they can talk about anything no matter what. It's one in which they are friends, lovers, soul mates, and there for each other.



In regards to when to talk to him, you know him better than any of us do. In general, I would say that you want to let him know that you need his help sorting out some things.



Again, it's difficult for me to answer this because my wife would be able to approach me anytime. Her problem or concerns would become mine too because we would be a team that is there to support each other and be there for each other. It does not sound like you have that kind of a marriage.



Not hearing both sides of the story, it's always hard to give accurate advice, but I hope maybe some others here will be able to offer you something that will help you.



I bid you peace.

Answer 5

hmm.. something is wrong with ur husband for not wanting to talk. but all men hate "the talk" anyway. or "a talk" for that matter.

i think u should find a time where he isnt busy, stressed or anything like that so he cant make an excuse NOT to listen. then talk. try not to get emotional. men hate that. try to talk matter-of-factly. try not to be blaming. when u talk, start sentences with "i" not "you". he is going to get defensive and clam up on u again.

if he still doesnt want to talk, then theres a big problem. i can tell u right here, right now that ur marriage will fail if communication is such a difficult thing for u guys to achieve. no relationship will work without this very important factor.

also, u can try to write a letter. that might help.

Answer 6

This is from a husband's point of view. It sounds to me like you are approching the discussion expecting an argument. So, your attitude is sending him signals even before you start.



never start a discussion right after waking up or before going to bed. Don't start with "we need to talk", just start.



If you are really having communication problems one possible way that might work is to make a list of the subjects, hand it to him and let him drive the discussion and the order of the topics.



Normally you should be conversing all the time, more than daily.

Talk during breakfast, do you eat breakfast together? IMHO You should.

Can you talk during lunch?, phone is better than nothing.

Who makes dinner? Cook together and talk while preping dinner.

(It's not always easy and takes even more communication, especially in a small kitchen)



About baby... don't forget to get a TID (ssn) for your baby as soon as it's born, you'll need it for filing taxes in less than 5 months. Do you travel? Is your passport upto date? Add your baby to your passport. (or add it to the discussions w/spouse who's going to file the paperwork?)



If he's really non-responsive, just let him know what you're going to do before you do it. Try not to let things go critical, even if he does. ( I know I do )



Good Luck.

Answer 7

You evidently have piled up a mountain of fear, anger, hurt and resentment. Decide on one or two things that represent the worst of what you're feeling and PRACTiCE what you will say to get this across...out loud. Choose a weekend time when your husband is rested and you can be private. Talk about YOURSELF... and how YOU feel. Do not blame him for your feelings. Ask for help if you need it... but remember to treat him with caring and respect... and keeping in mind that kindness and honesty always work best... just say what you have to say. Do not beg. Do not threaten. Do not whine. Crying will get you no where. Be the best you can be...and credit him with some common sense too.



I am sure that he is well aware that you are unhappy. If you can keep from blaming, name-calling and whining, you should do okay. Good luck to you both.

Answer 8

First sometimes things are just like that you may think that your keeping everything inside but some probably comes out you may blow up on everyone else if you didn't talk to someone write it down see if that works or talk to a friend or get a journal it works great for me that really cant be healthy for you sometimes just crying helps me too life's hard keeping everything bottled up inside somethings you have to let go of you have a child on the way you can always talk to them they love you unconditionally. Maybe you should try mediating as well . good luck stay strong let go

Answer 9

Some couples set up appointments for two nights a month. The first night one talks about how they feel, the other is not allowed to interupt or interject during the other persons turn to talk, after the one person talks the other person only responds to what the other said and tries to come up with solutions to help the other feel better about what ever it is. The next night is the others turn and the same rule applies.

Answer 10

I wonder if you have possible allies in your pastor, or his mom, to help you get him to talk, if it comes to that.



Did you want to discuss a "hot button" issue that might scare him, or irk him, like investing in a bigger house?



I like my wife to give me some warning about a big serious conversation, instead of just hitting me with it out of the blue, because she suddenly feels like it.



Be sure, next time you try to talk, that he agrees to listen, and devote a bit of time to the discussion.



Can you "book an appointment" to talk? Let him tell you when and where. Maybe a noisy restaurant would relax him. We had our biggest conversation in a place like that.



If he is tired after work, or looking forward to a game on TV, you are putting yourself behind the eight ball trying to get his attention then!



If he will not grant you a time to talk, you need counselling. If he won't go with you, go alone.

Answer 11

Just keep in mind you are pregnant & a lot of extra emotions go along with that. But if you need to talk to him sit him down & tell him....My parents started what we call "safezone" it where you can say what you need to during thatt time & get everything off your chest but after the conversation is over nothing is to be said about it. It cant be brought back later to throw in each others faces or anything like that...hope you get everything reslolved.

Answer 12

When he comes home from work, let him relax and have something to eat.

After he is relaxed, tell him quietly that you have a lot of things bottled up inside and you need to talk to him.

Leave it at that if he responds in a negative manner.

Wait until he has a while to think about it.

Hopefully, before you go to bed for the night, he will come back to what you said and ask you about it.

When you do get a chance to talk with him, say things like "I need" or "I would like".

Try not to use the word "you" at all unless you say something like, "When you say (do) that, I feel . . .hurt" or whatever.

In other words, talk about how you feel--not what he has done wrong.

May God help you.

Answer 13

Try to talk to him when he is not:



Just walking in the door.



Working on the car (or doing anything else productive)



Getting ready for work.



Catch him during your before bed ritual - snuggle up and start some dialog. Then, ask you you could talk frankly about the issues concerning you. DO NOT BE ACCUSITORY. Probe with questions and be mindful of what you say. Ask him to be gentle with you too. REALIZE THAT YOU BOTH LOVE EACHOTHER.



Best of luck

Answer 14

Your are already lets say, in emotional situation, with being pregnant. You have for whatever "good" intentions, kept silent for way to long.
Seriously, i would first talk lightly about this to your current Dr. and see what he or she has to say to help.

Other wise, pick your time, chose only one or two things that are a real priority to you. Have it thought out a head of time, don't go into it, emotionally, men are logical. Make sure you let him know you DO want his input, will LISTEN attentively, and have no problem agreeing to disagree wtihout judging him.

Hope this helps....

Answer 15

well, what worked in the past, what were good times to share things with him?



But also, men can be simple creatures and may not always know how to deal with our issues...that's why having close family or great friends or a great therapist can help! Meditating and talking to the Divine is powerful too!!!!!

Answer 16

Write him a letter and put it in an envelpoe and write on the envelope we need to talk! that will really get his attention. If he will resent you for wanting to communicate how in the world can you have a healthy relationship? Just write everyting in the letter, no matter how long it is, and that should make him realize that you seriously need to vent!

Answer 17

if comunication is difficult face to face, try writing everything down and then read it to yourself,out loud. and see how it sounds. you might find that some of the issues aren,t that bad after all. but the issues that are still bothering you, write him a nice letter to let him know how you feel. if he realy loves you he will understand and help you through. i hope this helps.

good luck.

Answer 18

Just say" Honey, I am in need to talk to someone right now can I depend on you?" And let the conversation begin.



If he is hesitant then persist by telling the urgency you feel to talk it out.

The best time is usually right after supper or a relaxing shower for him.



Good luck

Answer 19

When he's in an ok mood and so are you. It's not good to do it when both are in bad moods. He should listen because you are stressing out. Don't stress out too much or you might have consequences and maybe early birth or something. Tell him that you want to have a serious talk.

Answer 20

Choose a quiet time when no demands are being made on either one of you. For example after dinner and kids are to bed. Begin by saying you love him and would value his thoughts on something that you are thinking about. Good luck and god bless you!

Answer 21

Arguing is probably going to happen no matter what, but tell him that you two really need to talk, because it is really important.. That it has to do with the both of you not just one... I hope this helps, because I do this with my husband.. Good luck.

Answer 22

Send an email or leave him a letter telling him you need to talk and it is serious that you do. If you cant talk there is a problem and you need counseling. Communication is the key to marriage. Good Luck.

Answer 23

My suggestion, write all you frustration down on paper to get them out. Maybe some of what you are feeling in "having a baby" related... but be careful with him, he could be just as scared as you are and be having a lot of feelings of his own and maybe isn't in the place to receive all your feelings. Maybe you could talk to someone who isn't having a baby, someone who life isn't emotionally connected to yours???

Good luck.... if you do decide to talk to him, make sure your centered and not on the edge of resentment!

Answer 24

First of all, we can not tell you what to say when we don't know what the issues are. Try to talk to him after he has taken a shower and is in a relaxed mood.

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If you don't want o argue, don't put him on the defensive. Instead of saying "You do this..." say "I feel this way when this happens"

Realize that he is stressed too by a new baby...good luck

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Tell him now. Just sit him down and tell him. Depending on what it is you need to tell him, you may not like his reaction but he needs to find out what is on your mind....definitely before your baby comes.

Answer 33

Tell him you're very troubled and you need him to help you. Most men are hard wired to help whenever a woman asks for help.

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not a good Idea to drop all your bombs at one time.....try to make your "issues" a little easier for him to handle by taking them one at a time...

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...I say wait three to four weeks after the hormones stop altering your mind.

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Just do it before the baby comes....

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