more answers please-being too sensitive?!!?

Question

my bf and I have been sending emails back and forth the past hour or so (i'm at work and he's at home). they started by him sending me links for some jetskis and a cute boat to take out on the lake (he found them on craigslist)-this is not stuff he is serious about buying-we look at stuff on craigslist together all the time for fun. I replied, joking that it was nice that he was looking for christmas presents for me online but told him he needed some help then sent him links for engagement rings (just as a joke-we've been dating 4 years now) and a new car.

One of his nicknames for me is Beverly Hills Chihuahua since we've seen the movie and I like nice things and NO i am NOT a gold digger-I could care less how much money my bf has-i love him for him. So when he emailed me back after looking at the links he said:

"chihuahuas are too expensive, I'd look for a mutt on craigslist (meaning he'd look at the singles ads) but i'd get in trouble, what's a guy to do?!!"

one of my nicknames for him is MO (from wall-e. the robot that's always cleaning things-my bf is a super neat freak)

he signed the email:

love, MO (sounds like more-but soon to be less if I buy one of those shiny rocks)

now normally, this wouldn't bother me but about 2 months ago, we got into a really big fight and almost broke up. while we were not talking to each other (but NOT broken up), he looked at singles ads on craigslist. I found them buy looking at the history on the laptop. we discussed it and his view was that he hadn't done anything wrong b/c he had no intentions of cheating or finding someone new. he said he did it b/c he missed me and was sad but was too prideful to call me. I explained how hurt I was by it-he aplogized and promised to never do it again.

should I be upset by his email joking about looking on craigslist?!! I felt it was pretty insensitive of him to joke about something I found very hurtful. I did email him back telling him to have a good week at work which meant I was going back to my apt instead of going to his house this week like I usually do-I'm not planning on going to my apartment-just want him to know he hurt my feelings a bit. He emailed back telling me that he was joking then said he was tired (his excuse for being mean instead of telling me he was sorry). he then told me he'd cleaned up my side of the garage so I could park my car there again (there's been random stuff blocking it for about a week now) then told me no mutts were found on craiglist-just fishtanks that he wants to buy.

I realize it was all in fun and games (I started the joke after all) but I feel he shouldn't be joking about the whole craigslist thing when he actually DID look and hurt my feelings my doing so a couple of months ago.

thanks!!!

Answer 1

OMG YES! You are being way to sensitive, and then to top it off you expect him to say he is sorry for you being over sensitive about something that happened 2 months ago. It shows your really not over it and are still holding it over his head. You need to either put it behind you, or move on . . . you can't keep punishing him over and over.

Answer 2

The fact that he was looking at the singles on craigslist makes me think that he's tired of you and wanted to see what else was out there. If he was that in love with you he should have been trying to make the relationship work between the two of you!!! Why would he be looking if he had no intentions of finding someone new??? Sounds like you two have been together so long that he really doesn't want to hurt you feelings and he doesn't know how to get out. I agree with what another person said, if he hasn't popped the question by now then he's not really that serious about you.

Answer 3

Was there a question in there somewhere? Or did you just need to vent?



I think you were being too sensitive about that - it was a joke after all - he wouldn't have anticipated that you'd find it hurtful. There also would have been a better way to tell him that you were hurt by it (something like ... "ouch, that hit too close to home" or "ouch, too soon to joke about that"). That would be more likely to illicit an apology than the (sort of childish) response you gave.

So yeah, he was being insensitive, he probably just didn't think - we all say dumb stuff without thinking about it sometimes. I get that you're hurt by it, and he shouldn't have said it, but he didn't mean to hurt you, you should probably cut him some slack.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that he's being insensitive.



My idea is that perhaps he thinks you're being too sensitive and have made a big deal out of nothing.



Guys who can get free sex with no serious commitments (i.e. marriage) feel a little more "free" in their options of staying around or leaving, so a break-up is a good opportunity for them to see what else is out there, even if they're not serious about leaving or "cheating".



It also sounds like he was dropping a hint that he might actually consider getting you a rock for Christmas but he's possibly thinking that you're expecting a BIG rock. Not that that's bad or anything or that he thinks it's bad, but that he knows it's expensive and that you have expensive taste and that he knows with you he'll always be a little less rich than he would be with some "regular/ordinary" girl out there who doesn't care about stuff at all.



I'm guessing he likes you this way or he wouldn't be with you at all. His hint of you parking in his garage is a good one saying he still wants you and wants you to not be hurt over something he thinks is little.



Of course you have your own feelings and are entitled to them.



I think right now would be a really good time to go see him and ask him what he thinks about your taste as in money-wise; ask if he thinks you're too expensive or picky or high-maintenance. Just ask him what he thinks of you and how he feels about you.

Then let him talk and don't start crying or get mad and storm out. Just listen to him and see what he has to say. Hopefully it'll all be good and work out for you guys!



Good luck, and don't worry too much. No guy is going to play it all perfectly to our feelings. Trust me, my hubby sure doesn't!! But he still loves me, and I'm sure your man loves you.

Answer 5

are you going to do this all threw your guys are together,looking threw his eyes I can see he was just wondering who's there; do not make a mo hill in to a MT> that can get old:in other hand looking threw your eyes, it could be a sign he is looking: but those actions always comes out in the wash: as he is washed up/or/you: this is where you keep the communication open:trust is a word that usa uses: I say sit down and read a book and see if he returns to doing the same thing often: then you known girl:walk:

Answer 6

He doesn't want to marry you. 4 years? It's never going to happen. You caught him looking at singles ads? He's bored and looking elsewhere. Making jokes about wanting to replace you. He's saying what he really feels. Sorry but you need the truth. I get the feeling you are a booty call. And he thinks you're a gold-digger.

Answer 7

If I were you I would simply say:



Babe I know we joke (about craigslist) and all & i love you soo much, but I'm at a stage in my life where I'm a little sensitive to our usual jokes so we might have to stop with them now, thank-you so much for putting up with & respecting me, i am lucky to have a boyfriend who is so understanding your so gr8 babe i love you, do you want to order take-out 2night?



that's how I would do it serious yet casual & your showing him you don't want to argue or get into deep & meaningfulls with him & most important he knows you love him & then he shouldn't get defensive !

Answer 8

Seems like he is trying to tell you something through his jokes , I think hes hoping you are going to catch on you two need some straight talking.

Answer 9

how old are you two, this sounds childish to me , lighten up...it wont be the last time your feelers get hurt in a relationship , grow up or toughen up i say, but you dont have to tolerate cheap shots either, if you dish it out be prepared to take some back. and let go of what you agured about months ago, dont hold in or harbor your bad feelings, they just make you hateful in the end. if it continues then get out of the relationship before your both miserable,

Answer 10

let him know not to do it again and hurt his feeling next time whenever u want like look at singles adds n send them to him somethin that will get under his skin like hedid wit u good luck sorry to hear he hurt u a bit and u shouldnt sweat the small things in life..life is too short to stay angry but u shouldnt b easy about what he did b mad and show him ur sensitve

Answer 11

You are way too sensitive. He should move on to avoid having to tip toe around you for the rest of his life.

Answer 12

Grow up!!

Answer 13

no you shouldnt take that seriously its things like this that make relationships awkward.

Answer 14

you like to use the guilt card