should i leave or stay..what should i do about this situation..he is trying to control me and its working?

Question

I'm really depressed..my husband tries to control me like i'm his child. if he thinks i'm cheating he takes the cell phone from me until he's ready to give it back. now its the car. he said previously that he was going his way and i was going my way for new years..then i overheard him talking to one of his relatives about going out together..but today he changes up and like where r we going today i'm like i thought u said that we were going our seperate ways. he said nothing so i took it as a yes. but when i went out the stuff hit the fan. now hes ready to leave me cuz he thinks i'm cheating cuz i started going out by myself lately and he says i cant drive the car anymore but we're married 12 years to b exact. im not cheating. i just dont wanna keep living my life like a hermet. he keeps me in. i can't associate with anyone without him having issues. he has a problem if i stay at my moms house too long even. am i just being over emotional or is he controlling and i should do something.

Answer 1

Don't put yourself through any more, and ignore that pig who said you must like it or you'd leave! I was in a very controlling relationship, and co-dependency is something that is hard to break. It took me years to realize that I was worth more than a doormat! Do yourself a favor, and get help. If you need one, you can get a Civil Protection Order to keep him away from you! Sometimes you have to take drastic measures to get your life back. Take it from my experience...he's only controlling you because it gives him empowerment. Take that power away, and he's nothing more than a sniffling child! I hope all works out for you! Good luck!

Answer 2

If you have somewhere to go away from him, I'd do it. If he starts harassing you or stalking you, you need to get a restraining order right away. A healthy relationship does not include a partner that tries to live your life for you or parent you. Get out while you can, because a lot of physical abuse starts out this way and it may get to the point where you are more like a prisioner than anything. I wish you luck!



P.S. If you don't have anywhere to go, most towns have battered womens shelters and you should be able to go there.

Answer 3

I think your husband is very insecure and that's why he tries to control you. He's afraid of being left so he tries to make sure it can't happen. At the same time, he tries to push it just to prove to himself that you won't leave him. People are very complicated and often need some help in understanding themselves, let alone others.



I suggest that you ask him to visit a Marriage/Relationship counselor with you. In doing that you both can freely express your feelings with a mediator at hand to keep it from turning into an argument. Then the counselor can explain 'why' you feel as you do, to your husband - and why he feels as he does, to you.



With awareness of 'why'- it can all be changed. It's certainly worth the time and effort to preserve 12 years of marriage.



If he won't agree to that, ask him to see a therapist on his own - and if he won't do that either, start preparing yourself for an eventual split.



Good luck.

Answer 4

I wouldnt dare say to u leave him or stay tho I can say if my hubby of 10yrs treated me that way i would give him his marching orders ..I would also tell him if you want us to go out as a couple you should have answered my questions cause i am not a mind reader ...if he says i am gona leave say ok bye i will miss you then!! dont let him hold that over your head if hes gona go let him tell him you would rather he stay but if thats what he has to do you cant force him to stay ..tell him the way he is treating you is a form of spouce abuse ...he is playing on your emotions pulling your strings to get you to live his way ,from what you wrote its like he is saying its my way or the hwy i would call his bluff ...good luck let us know how things go for you

Answer 5

If you live in the seattle area there is a great class that the 2 of you should take especially him. Phoenix Counseling w/ Dale Todd 425-513-2879. call him and set an appt. He does individual or group sessions.

Answer 6

WOW that was alot to take in and read. i've been through that! if u wana email me my email is the same screen name by my answer just @yahoo.com... you should leave him or BOTH see a marriage counsler that way he can learn how to treat you better & u can learn that this is NOT how a real marriage works and you deserve better i'm sure!

Answer 7

You are on yahoo asking strangers if you should leave your husband.

Dump him, theres lots of guys who you could kick it with. (Most will want you around a lot, and not all would take your cell phone from you.)

Answer 8

Get help...The both of you need it..If you both love each other..and the marrage is worth saving..The two of you need to talk with someone..If he doesnt want to go..you go..Go see a marrage doctor.. Or someone from your church..A trusted family member..Good luck

Answer 9

Hey. You stay there because you like it or you don't have the ability to think straight. HELLO?

Answer 10

You already KNOW what you should do.Now the question is will you do it or just continue to stay there and then whine about it to others??

Answer 11

omg girl....u need to leave that trifling *** man . nobody needs to be controlling you especially if u ain't doing anything wrong .leave him and find somebody who deserves you .