Should I file for custody or just leave it alone?

Question

My daughter's father and I got into an argument when she was 4 weeks old which lead to him threatening me with bodily harm and me pressing charges against him. The argument was about me refusing to let him take her over the weekend with his family. I do not know his family and I just didnt feel comfortable with that. At that time, he had only seen her 5 times for approximately 2 hours total. I was open to discuss alternative visiting situations, but overnight for a weekend is unacceptable considering he has never participated in her care and he hadn't spent enough time with her. I also believe it is not healthy for her to be away from me for that long. I am not trying to keep her father or his family away from her, I am just trying to raise a stable individual. They haven't shown any interest in seeing her since our argument and claim that I am full of drama for pressing charges against him. He has never provided support for her and he hasn't seen her in 11 weeks.

Now, he claims that I am trying to rob him of his rights as a father which I am not. He is thinking of what's best for him versus what's best for her. So he said that he was going to do it 'his way' and go down to family court for joint custody which I already know he wont get because we have a high conflict relationship and that is not what's best for our daugther. He also said he was going to child support so that he can start supporting her. Well, that was almost 3 months ago and I have yet to be served with anything or recieve any type of child support.

I already know that I can go down and get a support order, but I feel as though he is a grown man and knows that he has a child with me. I should not have to go down and have someone order him to support his child. If he does not want to do it willingly, I dont want anything from him. He has other children with other women and none of them had to take out a support order.

So my question is; I understand by default I have sole physical and legal custody of my daughter because we are not married. I was wondering should I go head and have it issued to me by a court of law? He has open warrants which is probably the reason why he hasn't taken the inititive to get this situation settled and more then likely wont even show up. I just want to move on with my life and I'm tired of sitting around waiting for papers to come that probably never will. I also want to draft my will and leave custody of my daughter to my brother should something happen to me and I feel that I should have my custody status court ordered for that request.

Answer 1

I really think you should go ahead and get it done on paper. You never know what he might try to do in the future and I personally would not risk my child on the assumption that he might not do anything because you never really know.

It may be stressful and it may take a little time but the peace of mind at the end will be worth it.

Answer 2

Definitely file. If something should happen to you, the father gets custody. You DO NOT want that. File for SOLE custody. It should be pretty easy to get considering his situation. Next, consult an attorney about the legality of drafting a last will and testament regarding transferring custody to you brother to avoid further complications should your ex decide later on he feels like being a father. As far as the support, petition the court to have him pay COURT ORDERED support. Yes, he's a grown man, but he isn't acting like it. You may not want anything from him, but he still nees to be responsible for brining a child into this world. Get whatever financial help you can and get a court order for child support.

Answer 3

You won't like my answer, but the truth is you are BOTH right.



You do have default custody. But as soon as you file for support, he is legally able to file for legal custody rights as well. And by default, if something ever happens to you, he will get full legal and physical custody of the child. Nothing you draft up can take away his rights to his child.



I'm sorry, but you chose to have a child by this man. Now that you've made your decision, you need to learn to compromise instead of fighting like children over a child you both love. This is in the best interest of your child.

Answer 4

do not file anything as he will only go after more just to spite u. he is not around as it is and dont want ruin that. he has not filed papers yet so means wouldnt do it either now 3months on.



keep on living ur life and enjoy spending time with ur child, i cant see him filing anything ever as dont want cough up money, knows wouldnt get it anyways cos pressed charges on him and no doubt is scared to come forward he really just have no interest at all.



make a will tho explain in it the situation that father was never around and want leave ur daughter to ur brother if anything happened to u, (i have 1 out for my child and his father is around but if anything happens to me my child goes to my parents as he does not have joint custody). this man has no rights what so ever, no order is in place to order these rights so he can not have them, he disappeared and no real interest any judge will see this and will follow ur will.



if the boat not been rocked then dont rock it, leave it in the calm and if he ever wants access then let him chase u for it as no matter what he needs chase u and not not u seeking sole custody as u already have it anyways! just do nothing and get on with life. good luck.

Answer 5

Tahlena,yes you should go to court and have your daughter put in your sole custody.yes you should also get child support for your daughter.this guy feels he can go around and make babies and not support them,that is wrong not only to the child,but also you.don't feel sorry for him.as for him having visitation you will have to prove that it's unsafe for your daughter to be with him.you may need a lawyer to help you with all of this.i strongly suggest it.CPS will do their investigation and show proof to the court whether or not he should have visitation or not.as for a will that you should also discuss with the lawyer i hope everything goes well for your daughter and you.take care..Bill

Answer 6

If he didnt save on with by using with it and there is not any longer a court docket order pointing out he has custody of the youngsters, sure she will take them. except she have joint custody then she has to substantiate with the daddy. She needs to document for custody herself. yet interior the intervening time she will call the court docket domicile to envision on a case in basic terms to make confident there is not any court docket order.

Answer 7

I would definitely file for custody if he has threatened you. She wouldn't be able to get away from him if he lost his temper with her for crying, etc. And being as he has warrants, you should have no problem getting custody of her. Your daughters safety is what is at hand, and personally, i don't think she is safe with him.

Answer 8

you need to get with a lawyer..and set up child support..and visitation...this will be a way for him to prove hes responsible.. talk to his family...explain your fear..and that you would like to meet them..and get to know them...its nature al to be protective..you don't know them..and hes not proven very responsible...