I am in a pickle, please help? I met a swinger couple on a swinger site?

Question

The wife is a 40 year total knockout milf. She is high-end, top drawer and her sex appeal is amazing.

They saw pics of my wife and I want to go to dinner with us. Here is the problem, my wife knows nothing about this. What should I do? Should I tell the couple that I am trying to break my wife in slowly and that we can meet them at a bar but they should not tell my wife we already met online? This way my wife may like them and not be judgemental. Then after my wife finds out that they are swingers, then maybe my wife might realize that if this couple is very nice and likeable, then swinging may not be that bad.

What do you think about this mess I am creating? HOW SHOULD I HANDLE? Please help.

I would appreciate your insight.

Answer 1

Sounds like you've pretty much made a total hash of it so far; unless you are trying to turn this marriage into the sitcom from hell, I'd walk away from the swinger idea untill after i ran it by the most important person in your life.

Answer 2

If you want to keep your wife, you should probably have a heart- to-heart with her about your desire to try out the swinging lifestyle.



If she is willing to give it a shot, then go forward with this couple.



If she is curious, but scared, I think I would still level with her about the couple you met and suggest dinner to see what they are like.



If she is not interested at all, I would recommend shelving any further discussion about it including mention of the couple. I am usually all for honesty but since you have really not done any real life activities, this could open a can of worms. If your wife is not interested then you will need to think this through in terms of how important is it to you. If you want to stay married you may need to stay away from the swingers. Do not cheat . That will only bring despair.



Communication is key.

Answer 3

From a swingers standpoint we wouldn't meet with you under the circumstances you propose. I would bet dollars to donuts also that no other swinger would go along with this deception, either. This is just huge drama waiting to happen, and swinging IS NOT about drama, it's about fun. We (and all swingers) are completely open and honest with each other and we expect the same from others. There is no lies and deception in our relationship and we won't help others deceive their spouse.



At this point you better come clean with someone, either your wife or the couple you met online. You aren't going to convince your wife under these circumstances, you'll just piss her off for lying to her. It's better to piss off someone you don't know then the most important person in your life.



At this point I'd delete your profile from the swingers site until you've talked with her about entering the lifestyle. If she is interested to at least check it out, then post a new profile TOGETHER. Because after all, swinging IS A COUPLE'S ACTIVITY.



If you want her to at least entertain the idea, and see that swingers are normal people, I'd recommend breaking the ice with her, then sit down together and read The Swingers Board forums. You'll find lots of good, objective, and free information there about swingers from swingers and those thinking about swinging. You'll also find several good threads from husbands and wives alike about how their spouse approached them with the idea, what their reaction was, and how they came to the point they are at now.

Answer 4

I've counseled a number of couples regarding this issue over the past forty years. From that experience, I can tell ya it is NOT a good idea to sneak around on your wife like that. When she finds out, you're in for a rough time. IF you think a little experimentation could be fun, discuss it with your wife before you ever go so far as to contact another individual or couple and start setting up "meetings". If she tells you "no way, Jose" you best take her at her word. Nothing wrong with letting her know it's one of your fantasies. But you go as far as you have, literally behind her back, and she'll be justifiably angry with ya - and lemme tell ya, "angry" wasn't nearly descriptive enough of a word when the unknowing wife of those couples I counseled found out! Try "enraged" and "I'll kill the stupid bast*rd!" You value your marriage, you'll do well to cancel it with this couple and start over from scratch, exploring how your wife feels about it!

Answer 5

Bad deal for your wife, you haven't done anything physical yet, don't cross the line. If you want to swing, she has to be a willing participant, approach her honestly, if you think this is what she would want to do and just needs some nudging that is another story. You are playing with the devil on this one. You mentioned how hot the wife was, what kind of man is your wife going to get??? if the the milf is so hot, chances are she has pretty hot husband??? imagine that scenario for awhile some hot, well endowed man doing your wife, it might make you change your mind.

Answer 6

OMG. You're an idiot. Sorry dude, but you just dug yourself a HUGE hole. Might as well just crawl on in and pull the dirt back over yourself.



Let me ask you this: how do you think you would react to find out that your wife just went out an bought a car without your knowledge? Listed the house for sale? Farmed the kids off to a foreign country? You just took it upon yourself to make a very big decision about your and your wife's very intimate sex life WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE. It's not going to matter how nice this other couple might be, she's going to be p*ssed. She's going to feel ambushed if you go through with this half-baked idea. She'll drag your butt out into the parking lot of the restaurant and scream at you (if you're lucky enough that she's not carrying a firearm), "WTH did you think you were doing?? Did you think I'd just shed my clothes right then and there? Did you honestly think I would be OKAY with having sex with complete strangers like this???" If there was ever a chance that your wife would go for this, you just blew it.



How to handle it: Come clean. Let this couple know up front that you have made a mistake and you're sorry that you wasted their time. Tell them you and your wife have not discussed this as much as you need to, and you need to back away from things. NOW, you need to decide whether or not you should tell your wife about your screw-up or not. I always suggest complete honesty, but that's what works in my relationship. Without that, there's no trust. Without trust, there is no way we could possibly do what we do...which is swing. Trust is absolutely essential, and your dishonesty is going to cost you big time, and if you're lucky, it will only set you back a few years. Worst case scenario? You'll never swing. At least not with your current wife. You may find yourself a free man after this is done, though. I can't say I'd blame her for freaking out at you. Couples often discuss the possibility of swinging for months or years before they consider actually doing anything about it.

Answer 7

You should never meet swingers online without the other partner knowing... If she is not comfortable with it at all how do you think she is going to react knowing you want to bang this chick?



The best way is for the two of you to be completely open if considering swinging... that means the both of you (not just you) picking out the couple as well.

Answer 8

talk to your wife before the "date," that's what you should have done to begin with. i personally do not think it is wrong, if it pleases everyone involved, that's your own business.

it sounds like you already know that your wife has a problem with swingers - it takes 4 to swing, not 3. many men fantasize about sex with other women, swinging, and threesomes, but, if that's not your wife's thing you need to respect that. maybe try other ideas to spice up your sex life that involve just the two of you

Answer 9

I assume the pictures of your wife were not nudes or topless. I assume your wife knows about the pictures you used and doesn't mind them being public.



I am guessing you have mentioned to your wife that you would like to consider swinging and she was at least not willing to take that step at least at this time.



Now you must ask her if she would like to go to dinner with a couple that saw your pictures on line. Tell her what you know of the couple and make it her option. And be clear that if at any point she is uncomfortable around this other couple and wants to back out you will support her and back out with her.



I am sure this couple would understand if you simply told them your wife is too nervious about this swinger idea and is nto ready, but if she changes her mind you will get back in touch them. Just apologize for getting their hopes up prematurely. You can't deliver, in that case. That happens. They will understand. Just do not go any farther with this idea without getting a buy in from your wife. Do you have naked pictures of them to show your wife?

Answer 10

I beg to disagree with the "swinging" ideology. Primarily because there's no logical reason for married people to engage in this kind of lifestyle. It's irrational and This breaks the rule of sanctity of marriage where couples should remain faithful to one another . I totally believe that couples who do this "swinging thing" are just trying to compromise each other since this is a consensual adultery if I may say so.

You are asking about what my thoughts are? Honestly speaking, being married means that your body belongs to your wife and your wife belongs to you physically. that means both of you should keep your physical body for yourselves. Your body is not a commodity which means you are not allowed to share it with someone else.

HOW TO HANDLE THIS?

People of the same feather flocks together. Avoid getting into the "wrong crowd" because more often than not, this kind of people could lead you into deception that could inject toxicity in your marriage. BUT, you are your own master, and you will be the product of your own choices.

If I were you, I'll start looking for new decent and supportive friends who have the wisdom to distinguish the right from wrong and who will bring out the best in you.

Answer 11

I would suggest that you talk to your wife first. If you've already discussed swinging, she'll probably be open to at least a dinner with this couple. If you haven't, it's not something you should spring on her at the last second--that's practically asking for her to have a bad reaction. Simply put, go on the offensive instead of preparing to do cleanup afterwards, and if your wife says she's not comfortable with it, don't pressure her.

Answer 12

Sounds fun!!



In my opion, things will never be the same after you cross that line. I think she will be pissed you have been looking. Swingers is a together thing and you have already included her on your own, without her knowing.



Tonight sit down at the computer, with your wife, and ask her if she would like to surf to swingers sites. See what she thinks then. This way you both have entered that decision together.



Sorry if this isn't the input you were looking for, but good luck with what you both decide!!

Answer 13

Do nothing without your wife's knowledge and consent. the other couple expect that and may be a bit annoyed if you drag them to a restaurant and your wife hasn't got a clue. Secondly of you did this to me without telling me, I would be really angry with you. This is not how to convince your wife about anything. You still have time to call the whole thing off. And if your wife is so hot, why isn't she enough for you? She may decide there are better guys out there for her.

Answer 14

O M G you just said it your being very sneaky and already mad a mess without asking your wife . Bad husband moves your gonna have to now pay for it for the rest of your life your wife should get you bare naked tie you up and let that wifes hubby do you haha and what are you trying to do spread more germs to wipe out man kind? she's gonna kill you for showing that couple her pic with out her permission. And i can't count how many times i fell off a swing as a kid then you must still be a child/kid wanting to play and never growup lol.

Answer 15

Well you started out totally wrong. You should have talked to your wife first about this before even going online to find another couple. If you were to have her meet these people under false circumstances you could end up with a huge mess on your hands. Even if the plan goes well, if she were to find out later about how you guys really met she could be extremely hurt.

Answer 16

Uh, yeah. How would it not be cheating? You are a married man and your wife does not approve or know of the situation, then, hell yeah it is cheating. You dont deserve your wife. Why cant guys just accept no for an answer. Goodness. You are truly a sick man. Your wife trusts you and you broke that trust. You do not need to be married if you want to sleep with other women. Marriage is a sacred unity.

Answer 17

Entering the lifestyle is something you should discuss with your spouse PRIOR to you deciding you want it and are going to try to make it happen. You are definitely setting yourself up for some potential krap here.



Relationships must have communication to do well. You're being a manipulative coward by trying to coerce her into this, rather than sitting down like mature adults in love, and discussing sexual preferences, interests, fantasies, and whether or not she's even remotely interested in having sex with anyone other than you.



THIS is the type of situation that gives the Lifestyle a bad name... *sighs*

Answer 18

The other couple isn't going to appreciate her not knowing..People go out on "dates" for a reason and if you're doing this without your wife knowing, trust me, it's looked down on bigtime! People in the lifestyle are open and honest..Not sure you'll go very far with this..Nothing swingers hate more than a married couple with only one knowing..You're sharing pictures without her consent? You probably put a profile down for your wife as well..Tsk Tsk..not cool!

Answer 19

I think it really depends on if your wife has mentioned she's interested in swinging lately. I wouldn't keep any secrets from her. If you don't think she'd be comfortable knowing you met them online, then just ignore them (even if the wife is going to be a great bang!). There's plenty more great milf's out there.

Answer 20

Yes you are in a bind-and you should most likely explain to this "swinging" couple that you have yet to say something to your wife about it and you are not so certain she is going to be comfortable with the situation. Why in the world would you or anyone else want to commit adultry?

Answer 21

Be up-front and honest with your wife NOW!!! It will be deceitful and cause hurt and anger to spring this on her at a later date. Make sure she knows this is just to meet the couple, and nothing else has to come of it if she's not comfortable with it

Answer 22

does your wife want to swing? If not than drop it. Show some respect for her. If she is interested than do just what you said. Tell the other couple to be cool and ease her into it.

Answer 23

Well, golly. Knowing Sting is a swinger changes everything! Just tell your wife that, and I'm sure she will come around. If it's good enough for Sting, it's good enough for her!!

Answer 24

If it were me in that situation, I would like to be asked before my husband did anything like this. Trust is the number one thing in a marriage no matter what everyone else says about sex, friendship, etc. If you don't talk to her first, you could lose any trust that you have in your relationship and that is bad. I would tell her that you are interested in stuff like that and ask her how she feels. If she is game, tell her that you were looking into it and would like to know if she wants to try it. If she doesn't like the idea at all and you value your marriage, you should drop it.

Answer 25

This will not end the way you want. Tell the other couple the truth and leave your wife out of it. If they still want to meet and you want to cheat on your wife then be prepared to end your marriage.

Answer 26

well let me tell you, it might work and it might not though its a chance ur taking....my husband and i have been married for 20 yrs...im 38 and his 39. We have an open relationship since day 1. When my husband and i were married for 15 yrs..he brought up the topic of swapping partners and i dint think it was right...well he took this idea on his own and did wht you have in mind...he set up a date with a cpl (swingers) and told me we were going out to meet friends of his for sum drinks. Worked out okay i pretty much liked them we got along well. After wards, this cpl invited us to their home and thats when i found out wht they had planned. I got a little embarrased with the idea and thought i could never be with another man other than my husband, cause when i got married i was a virgin and he was the only man i had ever been with. Well, i didnt want to seem ugly to the man, so i played along and well we did it..we swapped partners. After everything when we went home, i couldnt have my husband touch me i was so upset with him for a while that i couldnt stand him for sharing me, and i couldnt stand myself for sharing him, though i did like the experience of being with another man..as time passed and i thought about how good it was, turning our matrimony spicier than ever..i got over it. Now we have been swingers for the past 3 years off and on...But listen, becareful...either you or ur wife can wind up falling in love with the other...believe me, im in that situation right now, to where he and i meet behind our spouses back and its not good....yeah...like cheating and having an affair. Though we r good friends in and out of the bedroom...but he is more than that now...his my lover....i know, i know...shame shame...but u know wht....im happy and i dont care wht anyone in this world think of me...... :)

Answer 27

You should tell everyone what site she was on and share her pictures! As for your wife, good luck with that. If it ends in divorce, get a girlfriend that swings, and if it doesnt have fun, be safe, and always love your wife!

Answer 28

if your wife is so hot, then why would you want to share her? why would you put her thru the humiliation of knowing that a crackhead like yourself would pimp her out to another couple for the benefit of your own selfish kicks?? you should handle this like a real man would, leave her and let her find someone that truly deserves her.

Answer 29

You're in a pickle because you're a moron! What's wrong with your marriage? If your wife is such a knock out why are you so willing to have some other guy have sex with her? What you need is a good therapist! Get help now!!!!

Answer 30

You are bringing this topic into your marriage in a very poor fashion. This will only end in tears, and not the good kind.

Answer 31

If this is not a religious issue with you. Sit your wife down and tell her the plan.

Answer 32

How nice of you to go out and lie to people and then try to deceive your wife. Have you ever heard of honesty?



Try it. That's how you handle it.

Answer 33

Well since your wife's sexual integrity is of no concern to you, why not sell her out and buy the kind of girl you really want?



You are a sick bastard to think no more of your wife than that.

Answer 34

I think that you should just tell your wife about it before they come. If she doesn't like it you will just have to cancel.



If she does: party on! Have fun for me.



By the way: this will completely ruin your marriage someday.

Answer 35

I'd tell this other couple your wife just castrated you, so the deal is off.

Answer 36

WELL if your wife is not normally open to this kind of thing, then enjoy that dinner because it may be your last....

Answer 37

you should handle it by getting a good divorce lawyer cuz once your wife finds out you signed her up to get laid by some other guy she is going to leave you.

Answer 38

Just put the whole thing on YouTube!

Answer 39

I hope you have a lot of money cause your headed for divorce.

Answer 40

tell the truth and explain..everything works out :)

Answer 41

Wow.

Answer 42

You dug your own grave on this one pal.

Answer 43

That's pretty low.

Answer 44

It is sick.It is the same as cheating.

Answer 45

ouch that sucks

Answer 46

U r going to hell brotha...

Answer 47

LMAO HA HA HA ! ! !

Answer 48

How sick