How do I stop him from holidaying alone?

Question

My husband went on holiday alone to Spain just before we married a year ago & promised he'd never do it again.

Then he went abroad, alone, again, at the end of April, when I was heavily pregnant. I'd pleaded with him not to go - even threatening to finish if he went... to no effect - he felt like he *needed* it & it was cheaper to buy tobacco.

So now we have a young baby. It's six months since he went abroad last & his tobacco is running out... so now he wants to go again.

We are short of money right now, yet he justifies it by saying that it's 'free' as it saves money buying tobacco duty free. I'm quite frankly sickened... I had to fund his new car as he didn't have the cash - yet he can fund jaunts abroad. He also resents me buying new things such as a cot, or high chair for our baby, saying she can have secondhand, yet he thinks nothing of throwing cash away on this.

I don't want to go on holiday with him - I think the next holiday should be ME going ALONE -!... So he has said to me he won't go if it upsets me - but he really does want to go... If I say no he'll resent me, if he goes I feel like packing up and leaving!

What I really want is for him to commit to us as a family... and for him to not WANT to go. FYI he's not working at the moment due to depression & I'm the one who gets up at night for the baby etc?

Answer 1

I'd divorce him and I'm not even kidding.

He wants your baby to have second hand goods, while he goes off to buy tobacco? There's a reason for that and it has nothing to do with the tobacco or the baby. Is there any possibility that he's going on these trips to cheat on you? He doesn't have money for other things but he always has money for his trips doesn't he? There's your first big red flag. He's selfish as hell for dam sure.

I'd tell him straight up that he is NOT going anywhere, that play time for him is over since he's a dad and that means he can't go abroad and the next trip to be taken will by you, alone, to recharge your batteries since your taking care of TWO children these days.

Your husband is a lazy sh*t and he needs to be told off and or kicked out the door.

Answer 2

Say NO! I can't rag on him too much for what he did before marriage, but what kind of mature, thoughful father-to-be leaves his heavily pregnant wife (who could go into premature labor or have any kind of complication) to go buy tobacco? Unacceptable. Your mistake was threatening to leave and then not doing it. You could have just gone to a friend's for a couple days, but by doing nothing, now your threats are seen as all empty and he knows he can do as he pleases with no repercussions. SO WHAT if he resents you. Don't you resent him for having gone? He doesn't seem to care. He is immature and needs to grow up and learn some responsibility. If he is having depression, it should be fairly easy to get him into some kind of therapy where you could work on your marriage as well as his depression. Tell him it is a condition of staying married; he may need meds for the depression (I doubt it but would tell him that anyway). He is probably depressed because deep down he knows he is not acting the way a husband and father should. (And by the way I do not think you going away alone is the answer; it seems too retaliatory. Try going somewhere as a family instead.)

Answer 3

I am very sorry he sounds such a jerk Are you sure he does not have a second family because looks like he has a double life or even if he does not it looks like he does not love you and he doesn't commit AT ALL leave him ASAP this kind of guys are nothing but trouble and will cause both of you a lot of pain the more you stay the worse it is My father is like him and our family is a mess I've never had a childhood thanks to that jerk even thou my mother stayed with him for my sake our life has been horrible thanks to the guy Believe me you don't want that for you or your baby and he doesn't even work to support you How much more are you gonna endure like this ? I wish You all the good in the world for you and your baby Be strong

Answer 4

Tell him that money is tight and he has had his freedom alone you now have a child and its time to stop been selfish and take responsibility.

If he goes leave him because he wont change and that's not fair on you or your child and you will be stuck holding the baby again and again.

Answer 5

Is he Really suffering from depression?If he is,I can understand his needs to travel alone.But,that's provided he really has depression and Not an excuse on his part.

Why don't you want to go on holiday with him?If you go together with him,it will stop him from travelling alone then, as he can buy tobacco while travelling together with you.

Travelling together boosts a relationship.

However,if he really wants to travel alone again,just tell him in a pleading way,"If you really care about me and the baby,please don't go.Me and baby needs you by our side."

Offer to pay for local tobacco,tell him you will pay for all his tobacco if he doesn't go.

Just try to stop him from going.Tell yourself,"By hook or by crook,I WILL STOP him from going" and think about the various ways to stop him.You can also pretend to be very sick when he wants to go travelling again.That will stop him from going too.

Answer 6

Tell him to get someone who is going on holiday to bring back the tobacco and tell him you want him to commit to his family and life with you, it's not good enough to go off to Spain on holidays without you especially if he is not contributing to your life financially

Answer 7

Its easy really if he is not working then he cant have any money for himself, so you stop funding him and he wont be able to go.

Answer 8

Maybe you should sent this self centered jerk on a holiday... give him a ONE way ticket...



He thinks of himself, not of you. He wants all the fun, and now when you want some, he wants to muscle in... Screw him...

Answer 9

selfish man he is! you should go alone and leave him with the baby.then come back get a degree and a career so you can have more money if you separate

Answer 10

i would divorce him too. He sounds like a terrible husband and a terrible dad. you and your baby deserve MUCH better than this,

Answer 11

I think he is taking advantage of you... If he does go away follow thru with your threat and leave.

Answer 12

umm...maybe you should talk to him about how you are feeling. all of it.