Lightshadow
2013-03-26 06:59:23 UTC
Like for instance, marriage. I would like to get married because I think it’s the right thing to do, but she doesn't want to do that any time soon. She also says she isn’t ready. Earlier we agreed possible year for marriage, but now she has changed her mind and postponed the whole idea, because she wants to enjoy life first, and not get bound and limited with the boundaries of marriage. She also wants to finish her education first, and she wants me to finish mine. I don't see a problem with being a married and studying. From a Christian perspective, I do not see why we should be together for years and years, if marriage is not the intention, so why not get married earlier rather than later? In fact, I don't mind waiting, but as long as I get a time, something to look forward to. But she says if I propose any time soon, she will say no. I get so confused by all the uncertainties that she throws at me. Also It's quite hard to stay away from sexual temptation. We had a quite a lot of problem with that in the beginning of the relationship, it seems to be go easier now due to long distance relationship and a more focused awareness on the problem.
Anyway, she doesn't know what she wants. She is unsure about me and if her education path is right (currently first year in college) and even recently her faith. It was the major basis of our relationship in the beginning. I did not want someone who didn't take her faith seriously. Her first question to me was if Jesus was first in my life, and that really gave me big relief in the beginning knowing that she treasures Him above all, but now everything seems to have changed for her. She says people change, and I’m afraid some of it is my fault.
A part of me really wants to stay with her, another says that if she doesn't want to pursue Christian and biblical values and build her life upon them, this cannot work, since it's going to influence life in a major way. But for all I know, it can be one of her ups and downs in life, as I’ve had in my earlier years. Also, with her upbringing and environment, she is not likely to leave her Christian boundaries or tradition, even though in her current state she has no good relationship with God I would say she feels uncomfortable with all kind of interaction with Him or talk about Him. If I leave her I fear I can make everything worse. She says she understands if I don't want to be with her, because she is so << insert non-attractive word >>. She almost begs me to leave when I complain about her or try to demand some things, like that she needs to get her relationship with God fixed or that she needs to know if she wants to be with me or not. I really want to stay and love her, but then I feel that this relationship is unequal, where I’ve given so much and get so little effort back. Though she says that she is not capable of loving. Also during our 1.5 years together she hasn’t said she loves me yet. She has said she is fond of me and likes me etc, but not once that she loves me.
I’ve had some demands on her, but not nearly the amount she has had on me. Many which I agree on and I work on, but she really can’t take my demands. She wants me to love her just as she is. She can’t even admit to “work on” certain areas in her life which are pretty obvious. It’s like she doesn’t believe in change to the better. I’m ready to love her without demands, if they really bothers her in hope that it will changes her more to the better (if that’s how women work). But I can never be certain? And she is really really stubborn, and wants everything her way. She really finds it difficult to talk about things, and figure out some common ground in some matters, like marriage.
I have invested so much I feel, and I don’t want to lose her. But I feel that the longer I stay in the relationship, the more time I invest and the more difficult it will be getting out later if she decides not to be a Christian all together and so on. Any advice from born again Christians appreciated.