Did you share you email passwords with your spouse after marriage ? Would you do so ?

Question

I am strongly against it. One of my cousin sister said she need not have a separate identity than her hubby and shared all her passwords with hubby. Some of her old friends send some vulgar emails and photos which caused considerable confusion. But even otherwise I think you should have space around you even after marriage and you should keep all your email passwords only with you. What is view of others ?

Answer 1

I don't think I would. Let's face it, we get upset with our husband sometimes. Women need someone to talk to, they need to vent when they're upset. So we talk to our female friends, pore out our problems, say things when we are angry to are friends about our husband. Later we cool off and realize we are over reacting or our friend has helped us to calm down and see things differently.



Do you really want your husband reading your private emails to your friends? They aren't addressed to him and they aren't any of his business. Can you imagine all the trouble these emails would cause your marriage if you husband read them? Some things are just personal. Do you think it would be right for your spouse to read your diary?



The only reason why a spouse would want your email passwords or you would want his, would be if you don't trust each other and you think your spouse is cheating on you. In a case like that, yeah I would want to know my husband's email password. Lol

Answer 2

We know every password for all of each others different things. His are easy, but I have several, and he knows which one goes to what. I have no problem with him checking out my FaceBook just to see what people are up to, or checking my e-mail (he never does). But I don't have anything to hide. Neither does he, but I still like to be nosy and check his mail for him and such. Never anything exciting. Best he gets is interesting spam.



EDIT:

"All people are allowed a private life. Spouses do not open each others personal mail and do not need to read each others personal email, or each others diaries and journals, or each others bank statements, or each others college transcripts, resumes, job reviews..."



We do open each others mail,(who ever gets the mail opens it usually) when I kept a journal, he didn't read it. Bank Statements are not his or mine, they are Ours, we share every penny that comes in. He had a 4.0 in every class in college and has 82 credits. I helped him make his resume...and his job reviews are great. If you don't want to share that kind of info, why be married? Just for a warm bed and someone to take out the trash?

Answer 3

i have to agree 100% with kiss this.



my husband and i don't just share passwords with eachother, we wrote the passwords down and keep them next to the computer. and really when we got the internet hooked up he made my email account for me. he looks at my Y!A q&a... shoot we even look at each others phones. it isn't about trust either. we both get silly messages from people and like to read them. we share this stuff because if we don't share together then who would we share with??



i have looked in his email before being nosy, and i am sure he has looked in mine for the same reasons. nothing interesting. just junk really. lol!

and mail and bank statements?? that is so funny, because whoever checks the mail opens it. i used to not open his mail because i dated people with a lot to hide and they never even let me near the mail box. but then one day he told me it would be better if i opened it and sorted it out for him. and i check the bank statements because there is only one checking and savings in this house and it is ours. i make sure the bills get paid, so it would be silly not to look at the bank statements.



and even privacy as far as a journal goes, well i used to keep one and i invited him to read parts of it. he would never go in search of it i am sure. but if he did, so what?? i have nothing to hide and the only reason i wouldn't want him in my stuff and the only reason he wouldn't want me in his stuff would be because we were hiding something. it works for us because neither of us are control freaks or paranoid i guess.





****EDIT***** i find it interesting some people think they would have to give up their sense of self if they shared that stuff with their partner. like i said we share everything. i have never felt like i was losing my sense of self, we both of course have our own things to deal with, we are our own people. we just choose to share that with each other. you don't have to stop being 2 individuals. my husband and i are very different yet neither of us has set out to change each other nor have either of us put all of our worth into each other. that is silly.

Answer 4

after marriage, i think, both of should have only one account... what to hide? both should delete and make a single account and share the password... enjoy the family, friends and all mails together...

Answer 5

I have all his information including passwords to everything, all safe combinations, bank account information, access to business files, keys and codes to all his security systems (business and house), as does he to all of my information. Let me add we're only engaged, I trust him with every aspect of my life as does he, we have nothing to hide from each other. The only reason we have all of this information is in case something ever happens to either of us and we would need access to such files. I do not abuse these rights nor does he, I don't go snooping through his things because it is none of my business but if something does ever happen then we would have what we need. I can't tell you how many times I've forgot my laptop at home and he's had to log in and send me what I need and vice versa......I've got nothing to hide from him.

Answer 6

Yes, I do, share my email passwords with him, I have no problem with it. It seems like the only reason I wouldn't give it to him if I had something to hide. So I guess it depends on everyone individual relationship with their SO. BTW my old friends would never do something like that or they would be considered former friends.



EDIT: I'm sorry Betty M but...a grown woman doesn't go to her friends to talk about her husband, she goes to her husband and talks to him. In the 11yrs I've known my husband and the 6 yrs we've been married I can only remember going to my friends twice for advice. You need to keep others out of YOUR relationship.

Answer 7

In my opinion I don't have anything to hide so therefore I am would share

my password with him and my accounts. If I had something to hide then I wouldn't want to but I want him to know from the start that I don't do anything I wouldn't want him to know about.

Answer 8

I agree,

We have the his, mine and ours. The ours is the bigger share, but not all is ours.

We know some of the passwords but not all. Only where appropriate. He can get into my computer but will always ask for permission. The reason for this is because he is the iT person around the house.

He does not know my email passwords and I do not know his.

The same goes for bank accounts we do not share pin numbers and we do not share the mobiles.

Yet at the same time we are not secretive about it at all. When we feel somebody has to see something we show it. We share a lot of these things, without giving access if you know what I mean.

We are married, we have not become each others property, accessories or commodities nor have we given up being two people. It is not a question of trust. I trust him, he trusts me. It is a question of identity. IMO divulging all your personal stuff is more about co-dependency creation and control than it is about trust.

Trust and love mean that you don't need to know everything and can give each other space to be who they are without you

With my ex I shared an email account (mine originally) when things got ugly I nearly lost it. Thanks to a very decent understanding customer service person I did not.

Answer 9

I agree with you. In spite what others might think, some things are better not shared. For one thing, all of the contacts you had before are still there. It doesn't matter if you never talk to former love/sex interests that might be hiding in there that you have long forgotten about. An overly inquisitive husband digging around in my address book isn't going to do me or himself any good. Then there are the IM boxes that are tied with every email domain. I prefer to stay invisible, but how tempting would it be for a husband to show you as visible, if no other reason than to see who is in your buddy list, then allow messages from guys you would rather not even hear from again to start popping off. Who knows what might be said by some of the jerks getting my husband all upset with me for no reason. Then there is my family who would be greatly offended if they thought I was allowing my husband to read our emails. Of course i wouldn't have to let them know he could read them, but then that's not the point is it? Everyone deserves some sacred space of their own, even if it is our online accounts.

Answer 10

My husband and I have been married for 22 years. There are no passwords we keep from each other - heck, we help each other remember them or where the paper is that we wrote them on (the memory is not so sharp...). All of our finances, well everything really, is joint and always has been.



If you go into marriage planning for it to fail by keeping things separate - you are setting it up to fail. If you date long enough to really know someone before marriage, it helps to know who you are marrying. Also waiting until you are old enough to make a good, mature choice helps as well.



Look marriage is about building a life together and sharing your life with someone - if you keep things separate and secret - you are not truly sharing your life. You are missing the point and only going in halfway.

Answer 11

No I most certainly did not, and no I would not, and nor would he expect me to. I have a very strong desire for privacy in personal correspondence, otherwise it wouldn't be personal, so what would be the point indulging in it?? I have a right to send and receive private emails, and friends and family who write to me have the absolute right to know that what they write will be read by me and only me. If they wanted to write to my husband, they would!! Furthermore, I would feel completely smothered if my right to privacy was violated. I would never accept it.