I want to elope & My Girl friend dont want too?

Question

Dear friends,
My gf & I are hindus from tamilnadu & were in love for the past 7 years, Last year we got registered married secretly. She told me not to reveal it to anyone & as its just to bring the faith in me that she wont leave me. We planed to convince our parents, I was successful but she wasnt, She tried to convince her mom 1st but it was a total disaster as her mom tried to commit suicide, her mom had asked her not to reveal it to her dad and close the issue with her itself. But after a stage her dad came to know of this and asked her if it is so but she lied him that nothing like that. Meanwhile my parents approached her parents but they told "we will die, we cannot let intercaste marriage, we convinced our child, you convince yours and forget any positive answer from our side & dont step our door step regarding this issue in the future". She is in house arrest for the past 6 months, she contacts me once in 15 days. Her parents have given her 1 year time to change her mind, which they are beliveing is happening as she doesnt talk abt our relationship anymore to them nor contacts me to their knowledge.

Earlier she told me lets elope as there is no other solution, but after her dad came to know & her mom trying to commit suicide she doesnt want to elope now, she says she cant leave her parents nor me, Her parents has two options either to ditch her or thier community: both will not happen she says. I asked her to think about convincing her parents but she says thinking about it is of no use!!!, There is no solution, there is no plan , nothing she says..... I asked her if we wait for a year or two will they get convinced but she said even if u wait for 5 they wont, She says she will find a job & stay at hostel and then we can meet and talk & live together, but When I asked her for how long she doesnt have an answer.

Im very serious about this relationship & I want to begin our new life as im 27 and she is 23, Im so truly in love with her & we are married legally. What should I do.... Should I wait for her to get convinced about eloping or should I elope with her & convince her later or any other solutions {convincing her parents is ruled out}, she is so scared to take further steps, Please help me friends, what should I do? Whats is she in her mind? I dont understand her as her mind is so oscillating!!! The only bad thing about her is she says some small lies for silly things. Im so much confused & depressed kindly advise me friends....

Answer 1

The girl is right. Elopement is not good. Let your parents meet her parents and negotiate for marriage.

Answer 2

Dear Buddy,



Both of you should have thought before the legal marriage. Now also it is not too late.



Seek the help of police and meet her parents along with yours. Talk to them. If they are worried about their community, let them vacate that village, let them stay with you all.



So all your problems would get resolved. On the contrary, if this does not work out, then without any hesitation forget her and approach the court and seek mutual divorce. There is no point in delaying your married life.



Best of Luck



Best Regards & May God Bless



G Senthil Iyappan

Answer 3

WOW Your question just highlights how much freedom we have in the United States. You are in a very difficult situation, one that we here can barely understand. Your girlfriend is in a very ugly place of having to choose between you and her family. If she chooses to be with you, she will loose her family and her community. This is a very large loss for a woman, more for a young woman. She will want her family close to her when she marries and definitely when she has children.



She might be your "one true love" so it is wrong of me to suggest that you forget her and move on in your life. I would suggest that you continue to pursue your career and work towards building a life that can support her and a family. Try to help her to move out on her own, to work towards having a job or a career of her own this way she will become a bit more independent from her family and then perhaps the idea of leaving her family behind will not be so difficult for her.



Do not give up easily but do not put all your hope in a future with her as there are so many obstacles in your way. Those who suggest that you move away from India to the U.S. are not wrong in their suggestion, however, it just changes where you are, not the problem that you have. Either way she will have to give up her family and friends in her community.

Answer 4

Your wife is not reliable and instead of continuing this episode anymore, ask her to give Divorce immediately.

She cannot marry without divorcing you as it becomes illegal. You can also give a legal notice to her in this regard.

You can show the Marriage Certificate to their parents.

If they want to commit suicide, let them do so. You need not care for such threatening acts.

But, your wife should join you at any cost or she has to give divorce.

I feel it is better to leave her and marry a girl from your own relatives.

Life is short and so make it sweet.

Answer 5

It' a complex situation. But some times time heals. Better avoid pushing her, get a stable job.

Meanwhile advise her to pursue her education & job,once time flies by...you can take a decision.



It takes time for their parents also to understand the gravity of the situation, no parent is a enemy of their own kid. It's just a heart to heart talk,which will resolve this issue with parents..



Wish you both the very best in future.....

Answer 6

I guess the difficulties of such an relationship can't be known by people who are free to do has they like without the fear of causing family troubles. All i can say is that be true to yourself and life your own life. be selfish get your GF and run away..

Answer 7

dude...da same thing ( my gf is of other caste....who got married in her community) hppnd with me.....she is also close with her family(mostly her mom...c cant c her cry)....but now the thing is she is NOT AT ALL HAPPY WITH HER MARRIAGE.n she is ready to marry me......U tell her that u guys dont have any option but to RUN AWAY ( BOSS U R LEGALLY MARRIED TOO)....she will spoil both of ur life....girls are EMOTIONAL FOOLS....n her parents r only threatening her...wen they will come to know tht their daughter is happy( may b after sum yrs....though they wont show it)....they will be ok....after all u have gud job....n salary too....i just wonder ...in this day and age....this inter-caste thing do happn...as u said...they will marry a begger in thr community....rather thn marry a guy frm diffrent community.....my gf dad alsoo said da same thing.....i dont understand thr problem....u convince ur gf tht its not easy to marry another guy...she wont be happy...there are lots of things to consider(physical and mental).....RUN AWAY WITH HER.....ONE THING....PRACTICALLY....EVERY ONE HAVE TO DIE ONE DAY....SO Y NOT DIE WITH THAT SPECIAL PERSON....WHO REALLY LOVES YOU FOR NOTHING....BEST OF LUCK DUDE....N YA BE SELFISH....AND I MEAN IT....

Answer 8

Move to America. Everyone here has an opportunity to marry who they want and become what they want.

Answer 9

dn force her..time will heal evrytg!! giv her sumtym