My husband said he'd leave me if I ever got raped?

Question

We were just having a regular conversation. We started talking about Bill Cosby. Then he said his more likely to stay with me if I made a mistake and cheated on him, but he couldn't bring himself to stay with me if I was raped.
This really really bothers me and made me feel some kind of way. He did not elaborate nor want to. Why would he say that????

Answer 1

Well I can tell you a few reasons why he may say that. He may have personal experience with it, seeing first hand what rape can do to a person and he may think he can't handle it. Cheating and rape are entirely different. So don't view consensual sex with being forced to have sex with someone you may not see. Getting raped is a very traumatic experience. There's so much fear and emotion that floods when it's over women never recover. Statistics are high for a woman to be raped in these times and that's depressing. Statically you have a better chance of being raped then getting robbed or hit by a bus as a woman and that's a sad reality to face. I know what rape is like first hand and I know the emotional tole it takes on the human soul. Having someone during that time is so important because it's so hard to go through it alone. I know after I was raped I pushed most people away but when they wanted to be there it made things hurt less for just a moment. I don't think you should just up and leave him but it is worth having a conversation. He is your husband so open communication is important you just need to have a sit down conversation with him and explain to him what he said really put you off! It upset you, hurt your feelings and you'd like an explanation as to why he would say such a thing and let him say his part without judgement or comments until he's done and say what you need to say. You need to point out to him that if god forbid that happened knowing he will check out on you is not comforting what about other things in your life you can't control like your chances of coming down with an incurable illness? His support in a marriage is vital.



To the comment below:



Every 107 seconds another American (yes this is only america imagine if I accounted for the entire world) is sexually assaulted. That's 293,000 people a year REPORTED. There are still all the unreported cases, and of course other countries not included in this rating. 68% of rapes are not reported. 98% of rapist will not spend a single day in jail. 4/5 victims are assaulted by someone they know. 47% are even friends. While it very well could have been higher in later years where police force were not as they were now and law abiding was harder to prove back in the day. As far as reports go we know more now then before. It is believed that it may drop in the years to come but the absolve the world from rape may only be a dream. Rape happens more during warmer climates

Answer 2

That is 1 crappy thing to say to someone you love. If you freely give yourself I can get over that easier than having someone take it from you. That is so flunking low down, it's like he is blaming you for getting raped. But let me digress, if you went into an area decked out like you were looking for some sex, there's is no doubt I would be very angry at you, the way some women dress looks just like they are asking for it. If a married woman has to flaunt her body for everyone to see, to me she is acting like a slut. Her husband already knows what she has and he should be the only 1 she is concerned about. Now back to the other side, a woman who is raped is going to need the support of her husband moreso than anyone else and he should be there by her side doing everything he can to help her heal. A woman who has been raped doesn't need to have the added misery of her husband leaving her.

Answer 3

Be a little more reasonable. A comment he makes during a general conversation is a lot different than making the decision in real life. Most men wouldn't want to think about their wives going through that and all the pain it would take to overcome it. It's doubtful he'd really leave you the second you were raped, if that were to actually happen.

Answer 4

Its really too bad, but that random conversation has spawned the need for a very serious one.



It may be that your husband has either had experience with being with someone who has been raped or been a close relative or friend of someone who has been raped, and is afraid of the horrific trauma it would cause the both of you on pretty much every level of your lives. Its a fear that's understandable. Maybe you should ask about it, but be ready for a long, serious and potentially traumatic discussion.



Or, he may be someone who was damaged by a prior relationship in which someone lied about being raped, or was witness to it happening to someone else, and has had fear of it ever since. Which may mean he has trust issues and serious baggage, which still calls for a serious conversation, but not as messy.



Either way, eventually and sooner than later you should probably (oh holy crap) talk about it.

Answer 5

That's a huge red flag. He would stay with you if you cheated......BUT he wouldn't stay with you if you didn't cheat and was forcefully hurt and raped. That basically means he has no desire what-so-ever to support you emotionally. Maybe he thinks it's too much work. Rape victims need lots of love and support which he is too lazy and uninterested to care. He'd rather hurt you further and dump you! What an a**.



The fact that he would stay with you after you cheated ...to me sounds like he doesn't even care. It would be no work for him if you did, he'd just let it go,...and I think that means he doesn't have feelings for you. Most men would freak the f*ck out if their spouse cheated, and most men would freak the f*ck out, if their spouse was raped...and they would go punch that guy in the face. His response to both of these situations lacks feeling. He just doesn't care either way. Cheating gets him a free pass to cheat or continue being a roommate with you ...or a friends with benefits with you. He is not committed to you and what he said isn't normal. He just doesn't care when most husbands WOULD to either of these! I wouldn't be surprised if HE'S cheating on you right now, to say something like that. He lacks emotion for you. I'd be really worried about his commitment.

Answer 6

You cannot control being raped if it ever happened to you! No matter what, it would NEVER be your fault and you would never be to blame for such a violent, disgusting, inhumane act of cowardice. It is never, ever a woman's fault. So if your husband would leave you over it INSTEAD of being supportive of you... comforting you... helping you recover... putting your well being ahead of his own ego... then what kind of a husband is he really? And what kind of a man is he more importantly? A selfish, controlling, mean, thoughtless, uncaring di ck if you ask me. So you would probably be better off without him! Men see us as their property and if it is violated, they get very touchy and possessive. But if it is violated against our will, then a man has not reason to leave us or treat us like garbage. He is basically telling you it would be your fault. He is telling you he does not trust you. That he thinks you would encourage it by being flirtatious or open to sex with another man/other men. This is what he is saying to you. So he would never blame a man for violating your body against your will. He would blame you for leading him on. That is ridiculous! I am not sure I'd want to be with a man like your husband.



Let me state right here, right now... it does not matter how a woman dresses, if she is flirtatious, sexy, a tease.... none of it matters. WHEN SHE SAYS NO, SHE MEANS NO. END OF STORY.

Answer 7

It sounds like a weird thing to say. Are you sure he was serious because it just sounds like he may have been talking out his *** or had one thought that just freaked him out so he said it. He may have not thoroughly thought through what he said or how he felt. Maybe you should talk to him about it or just not sweat it if you intend to stick with him even so. It just sounds like a thoughtless comment so perhaps he just happened to say something totally weird that should not be read into that much. I do this a lot which it lands me into trouble, but I just never understrand how I'm coming across sometimes. It is really quite silly how points of view can completely misconstrue a situation and I just hope you never get raped!

Answer 8

Well maybe you should leave now that you know this, cause then he would probably leave if anything emotionally disturbing happened in your life, if you got sick with cancer or some other disease I think it is time to pull up your socks and look for someone you are compatible with rather then wasting the remainder with your life with someone that doesn't match you in the "empathy" department.



One thing you have to admit at least he was honest, he could of lied and you would be stuck in the relationship and not have known until you needed emotional support, so now that he is honest be honest with yourself, do you want this type of person in a relationship?



If you don't then now is the time to think of your next life path, If you do stay with him then don't expect any emotional support when the time comes that you need it.

Answer 9

Well, as a rape survivor I can tell you that rape inflicts heavy damage on your body, soul and your sexuality. You will never be the same person if you experience that nightmare. I hope and pray that no one ever has to deal with that kind of a crime against them, because aftermath is unbearable by any standards. At that time you rely on your loved ones the most, BTW. So, instead of promising you a lifetime of love and care no matter how badly life is treating you, your husband lists the limitations to his devotion to you. And you are not sure how to take it? Kick his behind to the curb. There is no such a thing as conditional love, he is there simply because he is baiting his time for a better offer. And on top of that insult, he is clearly telling you about it. He is self-centered type to the point that there is no place in his icy heart for anyone else. You deserve unconditional love, which he is unable to provide. Do yourself a favor and move on to greener pastures. The best of luck.

Answer 10

As ms.sophisticate said going through and surviving a rape changes you. Probably he doesn't like to deal with that kind of issues. But, a husband should never be like that.

Answer 11

He probably said that because it is hard to find a rape victim sexy. I once told a boyfriend that I had for two months that I was molested as a child. He had no idea until I said it. After that he said he wasn't attracted to me anymore because now all he sees is a damaged little girl who needs help (I told him I never got therapy, he seemed almost appalled). He broke up with me two days later and i'm glad he did. No one needs that kind of ******* in their life

Answer 12

It sounds like he has no empathy.



He should not even say those words to you (lack of consideration for your feelings - and a cruel remark).



And for you to know ahead of time that if you got raped - he would leave you !!! wow ... how awful for you to know that - and for him to say that.



You WILL feel differently about him for saying that to you ... it's like rejection at a time when you'd need him most..



I know how hurt you must be .. you have every reason, and every right, to be so hurt by what he has done.



You may want to re-think a lot of things about him. And also - not letting him off the hook for this remark.

Answer 13

he might have said that because Bill Cosby is black and He will maybe feel ashame to be with a women that has been raped by a black guy....some kind of white proudness...I think



it is litteraly not acceptable what he said. As your husband, he should act protectivly ! and well, he retreated already.....he have no balls...it is very bad. That mean he would not help you in case of dramatic s events....





you have to leave it. or to ask for an clear explanation.

I fear that you are not with the right men for you, love



the first quality of a men towards a women is to be protective !



as a women has to be protective with the children she raised..



good luck hard time for you I suppose. breaking up is not easy. but you have to do it

Answer 14

That is called "kicking someone when they are down". He offers a lousy support system. If you don't have children together, don't start now. Personally, I would leave him. If you don't, it tells me you have a low self esteem. You are probably still young and can do much better. Sorry to hear that he didn't mention this before he married you! I know people like him and trust me, you are wasting your time with him.

Answer 15

If you cheat on your husband, you can also get raped by the other man which is also a recipe for divorce. If you rape a man, same thing. Such behavior like this is more dangerous for a woman compared to a man. The other man could be abusive as well as rape you and frame your husband for it when it isn't his fault. You know that women who cheat can also be raped by the other man as well.

Answer 16

That was spiteful. He is so self centred. Or maybe he was trying to control you by saying that hoping that you wouldn't go out much where you could be put in that position.



What if he got raped? He wouldn't be so smug then.

Answer 17

If my girlfriend cheated on me, I'd likely leave her. If she got raped, I'd be supportive of her. Common sense!!

Answer 18

but if you were ever raped that would be the time that you would need him the most. I think if my wife were raped I would stay with her more quicker than if she cheated on me. (if I were a man). but this is a woman's point of view. i don't know why he would say this. this makes you stop and wonder where his heart really is! he should be the first to stick by you and want to fid out who did this dirty deed.

Answer 19

In my view of opinion, he doesn't love you. He just need to "own you". It's very hard to manage a marriage life without love, you know. But now you are married. You got to manage it 'some how'. So be safe.

Answer 20

If he truly said that then he does not truly love you as his wife. A true husband will never leave his wife if she was raped because you both know that you didn't give in, you were forced to.

Answer 21

Unfortunately some men see rape as making a woman be termed as "used" and not as a crime and invasion of her privacy. Perhaps he somehow feels a woman would enjoy the experience and in the future you would be making comparisons between himself and your violator.

All this at a time when the woman he loves needs more than ever much tenderness and understanding, I personally do not understand his actions. But then again to me a woman is a person not an object or thing.

Answer 22

Make no mistake about it cheating is not a mistake . It is a conscious decision to betray your spouse.

I think he would be highly insensitive if he left you after being raped.Maybe on some level he thinks you may have been asking for it in some perverted way. I can t see any woman asking to be taken against her will unless it was some sort of fantasy. Cheating on the other hand is walking into a situation knowing you are going to have sex with someone other than your spouse and not giving a damn. I just can t see his reasoning unless he is a self centered unfeeling A**

Answer 23

I'm not sure of the context of the conversation but this should truly be a concern for you. The reality of you being raped in some form is highly unlikely. Unless you are putting yourself somewhere for the risk to be higher, I wouldn't be concerned.

Why would he say that? Asking could clear this up and what was the conversation that would provoke this answer?

Janicedavis.net

Answer 24

Guys like to solve stuff. There is no solution to rape. And it's likely that your husband is a frightened man. There are a lot of very, very scared men. You may have married one.

Answer 25

your husband is an idiot plain and simple. you can't control getting raped. how the hell is he fine with you cheating on him (which i doubt you would) and is still willing to be with you but will run for the hill if you got raped? that's completely messed up. he isn't worth your time. its not like you asked for that to happen to you. you don't say some crap like that to the one you love

Answer 26

After thinking about your post and the answer your husband gave you along with these posted, I may see his point. Woman being raped is "not a consensual act" and leaves the victims emotionally upset. Most likely it will interfere with intimacy in a relationship she may be in. But the act of cheating "is a consensual act" and may or may not interfere with intimacy depending or their partners values. I'm just saying possible food for thought~!

Answer 27

If say that I'd leave him for being so heartless. It sounds like he's showing his true character. Leave someone who would not stick by you when a violent crime is committed against you.

Answer 28

Sorry, but I disagree with anonymous (coward!).



They may have experience about the terrible topic, but I don't think they have enough about *marriage*. The vows are quite clear. A husband should not say something like that, like that. The wife has every right to get defensive and take him to task.

Answer 29

In my experience, I've found women will often lie to their partners about rape, if she had consensual sex and then he found out. She lies to protect herself from being dumped for cheating. This phenomenon is statistically proven to be very common, although understandably it's "politically incorrect" to mention out loud. "How dare you dare question a rape victim?" They cry. But truth is truth.



I PERSONALLY, in high school had consensual sex with this girl at a party. Thankfully a cop even caught us having sex in the car and asked her if she was okay, so it was documented that she happily said yes, it was consensual, sorry officer blah blah.



However her boyfriend found out the next day, so she immediately started crying to EVERYONE how I'm a horrible rapist blah blah.



PERHAPS, your boyfriend doesn't ACTUALLY detest rape victims, he just wants to deter you from potentially cheating then using rape as a fake excuse in the future? By saying that, he prob hopes to deter you from lying

Answer 30

It really does not mean he will leave. He is so possessive about you that he does not want to accept you when you have been used. Only if he was more reasonable in his thinking he would not make such a loose comment even in a casual conversation. Give him time and he will grow up. If the same comment props up a second time , it will be thing of concern....

Answer 31

The fvck? If I were you, I would get a divorce regardless of how long you've been together! I wouldn't be able to be with some sick bastard like that. He should support you if that were to ever happen! You're his WIFE for god sakes! God damn..

Answer 32

Your husband is a d*ck. No joke, I want to punch him in the face. I'm shocked and disgusted he would say such a thing. Any guy who wouldn't support their spouse after she got raped is a piece of sh!t. He's no man. I would think about divorcing him because he does not care about you, nor does he support you or have your back. Good luck!



Answer Mine Please?

https://answersrip.com/question/index?qid=20151230202059AAuX5kC

Answer 33

I guess you should try to not get raped then if you want to stay married. You should cancel all the plans you had to be raped because your marriage is at stake. Don't be selfish.

Answer 34

I think your husband do not have any clue what Rape is or what mean... And talking from his self point of view...



Question is this is a issue for you to follow the relationship, it is was me, yes... Because Rape is not a choice... The victim has not control and he want to punish the victim, because it is easy target....



But Cheat for him is easy.... That it is funny you had the control to decided to do it or not... Tha for me is more painful and I can not live as easy mistrusting someone... Everyday... This is my personal opinion... I hope that help you...

Answer 35

Because he wouldn't be man enough to handle your emotional trauma as well as your physical trauma.



Some husband. Why don't you leave him first?

Answer 36

There's a word for guys like your husband: Idiot!

Answer 37

If my wife were ever raped , I'd have to leave her...I'd be in prison for killing the rapist .

Answer 38

That's horrid!

Answer 39

It sounds an horrific thing to say to your wife. But I m not saying everyone should react to things as I would. But if I was in a relationship and either my wife or girlfriend was attacked I d feel compelled to support and help them as much as possible. Perhaps even more so, and assure them that they are loved no matter what. Barry

Answer 40

It is a silly statement . If he is looking after you and protecting you how can you get raped .Any way for your own good think about the possibilities of your geting raped if any. Take adequate precautions if there is such an eventuality .

Answer 41

That's pretty ****** awful to say to your wife....what if you got cancer? Lost a leg or arm?? That's something to think about also. Id make him talk about it and telk him how awful that is

Answer 42

Because hes a **** head. As your husband he should love and support you threw any bad situation not leave you. If he is willing to leave you for something that you have no control over then he must not really love you.

Answer 43

There must be a reason for him saying that even if it is dead wrong. Even if he knows it to be dead wrong. I agree it is concerning to hear but it is easy to see that it is his problem and no reflection on you (except that rape may now give a disproportionate fear on this subject). Keep chipping away. Not directly but by discussing moral principles, even theoretical scenarios. You two are there for each other and he clearly needs your help.

Answer 44

You sure he didn't just say that the wrong way round? Some people get mixed up without even realising it. Go ask again :)

Answer 45

He's not right for you

Answer 46

He said it because he's a douchebag. Next

Answer 47

it's kinda of a dirty move but blame him for not being there to protect you in the hypothetical situation. That might get him to shut that whole thing down.

Answer 48

Sort of like saying I'll let you borrow my classic sports car but if it gets stolen I don't want it back.

Sort of stupid.

Answer 49

I really hope he doesn't mean that. My husband says stupid things too. I think he would feel differently in that situation, if it actually happened. I hope anyway....

Answer 50

That's weird, especially since he said he could forgive if you cheated!

Answer 51

That's weird indeed.

Answer 52

I would rape him for saying that!



No wait, he actually might enjoy that so don't.

Answer 53

What sort of a man is this? If a true man cannot deal with hypothetical situations, then he is very unlikely to show any kind of intelligence, compassion and sincerity should they actually happen. His reasoning is abysmal.

Answer 54

Whoa I'm not even sure how to react to this...it wouldn't even be your fault

Answer 55

Probably because you'd be ridden with issues and problems after that.

Answer 56

because he is a dumb *** and he some how in his funny little brian he thinks that rape and affair are the same thing

rape is the act of having sexual contact without having the permission to and affair is when a partner has lost all kind of love and faith and finds a potential third party to have potential love or sexual act

and he is a dumb ******* retard.

Answer 57

He's an sob that doesn't care about you. Leave him!

Answer 58

He shouldn't be your husband then

Answer 59

Like its "somehow" gonna be your fault if such a thing occurred. Sad, sad situation to be in. He may have just revealed that he has real trust issues and is a jealous person. Not good at all....

Answer 60

Wow. You should talk this out with your husband for sure. He might just feel that he failed to protect you if you were raped or he has other issues. Talk it out with him.

Answer 61

I would say he is an insensitive jerk. You would need all the support you can get if this did ever happen. You need to have a sit down conversation with him to see why he would say such a thing. Do not let it go. You need to know that you would have his support.

Answer 62

Ask him what he meant, one step at a time, don't overthink it, especially as it was a general conversation.

Answer 63

He sounds like a 4 letter word that starts with C and ends with a T.

Answer 64

if it was a date rape "asking for it" bc you were being unladylike or inappropriate then I would make you leave..whether you were raped or not. No longer welcome in my homes. if some maniac came out of nowhere like the jooger in central park or something I would be mad but not at you

Answer 65

Time to move on - he is not supportive and if you ever get sick - you'll be on your own there too.

Answer 66

I don't care why he said it,it was a REALLY stupid thing to say.

Answer 67

Because he is a bastard he probably can't stomach the fact of you getting rapped.

Answer 68

this doesn't require long dissertations . Leave the selfish one; he'd probably leave you if you got sick too.

Answer 69

That's very odd .

Answer 70

Uhm divorce is probably the best option for you. Also carry around pepper spray. Wow your husband is a jackass

Answer 71

the first times i got raped was by my husband.

Answer 72

Your husband should be the one to comfort you if something horrible happened like that, he sounds pretty selfish to me, it would be a hard thing to overcome but that is what marrage is about, or so i thought

Answer 73

That is something horrible to say and you should definitely confront him about it and tell him how it makes you feel. That is not something a husband in love would say.

Answer 74

What an awful statement to almost put the blame on you . Try a rhetorical question about his mum or sister or him. he wins my 2016 Wan--r Award.

Answer 75

Take some self defense glasses and wear a burka.

Answer 76

Ay que cabrones los hombres

Answer 77

You need to speak to him and get to the bottom if this, soon. This will still Brothering you perhaps after you have attempted to clear things up.

Answer 78

Yeah, kill him it's gonna be him, very off topic dog!

Answer 79

Time to move on

Answer 80

Rape him when he is sleeping with a carott and then leave him (;

Answer 81

he knows if that happened he failed as a protector and he now has to wonder who this person Is . I think he thinks he would be very insecure . Maybe need to ask your self is he insecure now ?

Answer 82

Ask him why he would leave you. That is quite stupid honestly speaking. He should be protecting you a oppose to leaving you,.

Answer 83

That is a serious problem. There is something wrong with him. He really should clarify (not really possible). Probably should seek therapy.

Answer 84

Because some men feel they should be able to protect their partners, are hurt and feel inadequate. However, they cannot express this.

Answer 85

He knows saying that makes him a douche in your eyes, but he is honest enough in your marriage to say it anyways. Good for him for being able to say that. Anti good for him for being a douche.

Answer 86

don't let negative thoughts ruin ur relationship.

Answer 87

Just don't tell him!

Answer 88

forget about it. Real rape is extremely rare. Nearly all women who claim they were raped were horny and wanted it.

Answer 89

He probably has some kind of connection to it, or is a bit "scared" of that topic. Maybe you should try to confront him about it!

Answer 90

May be time to turn the tables and leave him, you have grounds to

Answer 91

HE IS NO KIND OF A HUSBAND THEN! YOU CANNOT HELP IF YOU GET RAPED! I SUGGEST YOU RAPE YOUR MARRIAGE AND FIND ANOTHER HUSBAND

Answer 92

What a compassionate guy you must be so happy living with someone like that. He is a definite a**hole.

Answer 93

Leave him for good. He appears to be a silly guy unfit for you.

Answer 94

The fear of catching a disease is all I can think of. Cheating is a chioce but rape is not !!!

Answer 95

Divorce time I believe.

Answer 96

A very weird answer from your hubby, indeed. Ask him to elaborate.

Answer 97

don't talk about these pathetic things.

Answer 98

I'm sorry he might just be dumb

Answer 99

He's a butthole

Answer 100

His thinking is not from a guy who can love a woman. He is naive.

Answer 101

"I'm sorry to hear that. I'll go pack my bags, now."

Answer 102

Good

Answer 103

He is ignorant and thinks it would taint you or define who you are. The reason peopel dont tell anyone.

Answer 104

You got yourself a winner there.

Answer 105

Sounds like a gross, weird thing to say.

Answer 106

he not much of a man it is time for love and compassion it was not her wanting it to happen

Answer 107

I will buy a gun and get lessons then, you can clean up my mess

Answer 108

Lack of compassion ? Uneducated ? Stupid ? Take your pick !

Answer 109

thats cool

Answer 110

He sounds like a dick

Answer 111

Leave him now.

Answer 112

I told my wife the same thing

Answer 113

He was either not serious or not worth your time.

Answer 114

I feel bad for you

Answer 115

great ! thts question is not getting und. by me as its not okay at und.

Answer 116

bexause your husband is a jerk

Answer 117

only time will tell if he really means what he said...dont worry...enjoy your today :)

Answer 118

I would dump him. I don t date ignorant pricks.

Answer 119

Get divorced with him..

Answer 120

thats horrible.

Answer 121

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQmVlGnHrEU

Answer 122

lol dont pay any mind stupid stuff

Answer 123

divorce him

Answer 124

wow thats ****** up

Answer 125

He should go to hell

Answer 126

wtf is ur husbands problem! no offence lol, its not ur fault if u get raped.the way he feels about that is out of order

Answer 127

What a piece of.....

Answer 128

.