Whats the best way to handle holidays after a divorce?

Question

What is the best way to handle holidays after a divorce ? What if there are young kids involved? My ex and I have two children together (2 and 4) and I would like my current significant other to be at holidays with us? My ex husbands family(my former in laws) is very pushy and insists on still doing holidays with us. I know it is important for my children to see their father on the holidays, I do not want that taken away from them but at some point I would like to move on with my life. I also don't think it is healthy for my children to keep thinking we are still a family, life has changed since the divorce. What is the best way to handle holidays?

Answer 1

Well.... I disagree that it wouldn't be healthy for your children to still think they have a family with a Mom and a Dad because they DO. So you don't live together and you aren't still married... you two and the in-laws are STILL the only family they have! Why pee on that?



Just don't make it a sleep over 24/7 thing and allow your kids to really HAVE this family that they DO have and have your "current significant other" play a much more minor role as is the appropriate thing to do. If he's still around in 4 years and has become your husband.and been a legal stepfather to your kids for a few years... maybe the story changes. Not yet. Having sex with you does not replace him as the dominant man in their lives. That is still DADDY's role. Particularly on Holidays.



It won't always be that way. But right now, your two little kids have enough chaos in their lives.. let the Holidays remain as steady a memory as you can muster up.

Answer 2

You split the time.

One year, you and your current SO have the kids on Xmas eve and you see YOUR parents ... and your ex gets the kids on Christmas Day with his parents. The next year, you switch the days.

All holidays CAN be split in a similar way, as long as people are flexible.

You have NO obligation to meet your former in-law's desires ....



If your former in-laws want to see you, make arrangements at another time. THEY have to adjust to the divorce.



As far as pretending you are all still family .. my second husband was still celebrating holidays with his 4 kids and his ex-wife (they had split custody of the kids) 3 years after they broke up.

He quite doing it when the youngest (who was 6 at the time) told Dad that he thought his parents were still married, and as soon as they could find a place big enough for ALL of them to live together, they would all be together again. That's when he realized that it wasn't fair to the kids to pretend they were still one happy family still.

Answer 3

If you can't figure out a yearly holiday schedule that works for the families involved then a judge will force you to have custody in alternating years on holidays. Example: even years you have Christmas and ex has Christmas eve, odd years you switch. Otherwise as an example I have my daughter from Christmas eve to 8am Christmas morning, Thanksgiving I get her until 5pm. Works for my family as everyone is within a few miles of each other.

Answer 4

Your ex in-laws' opinion does not matter here. They can scream until they're blue in the face, but that does not obligate you to give them an audience. Politely but firmly tell them to butt out, and then ignore them.



You need to talk to your ex and decide what is best for your children, and what you can both personally handle.



If that means that your ex will show up to your own family's house to celebrate the holidays with the children, so be it.



If you both decide that your children should spend some time with their paternal grandparents (whether it's on the actual holiday or on an alternate date), then your ex needs to say to them, "Sally and I have agreed that the kids will be available to come visit you on date(s)." If the parents object, your ex needs to say, "Sorry you feel that way. The kids can come see you on date(s). If you aren't able to host them, we understand." And then drop the subject. They can either see them when YOU GUYS say so, or they can decline to see them at all.



Ignore calls and messages from your ex in-laws. Let your ex handle it. He needs to make it 100% clear to his parents that he and you call the shots on your kids.



As far as your children's mental well-being, consider enrolling them in family therapy sessions.



It's also important for them to know that, even though Mommy and Daddy don't love each other anymore, Mommy and Daddy still love them. And your split has NOTHING to do with them, and they have done NOTHING wrong, and they still have two parents and grandparents/extended family who love them very much and will always take care of them.



And, really, you ARE all still a family even if you and your ex are no longer together.

Answer 5

You have many choices. My ex wife and I have two holidays, the kids go with her family for morning xmas and they go to my parents house with me for their second. That way the kids know we are no longer together but can still work together and they can see both of our families. It also doesn't create any awkwardness for my current wife which should also be respected and the kids know where we stand and there aren't any false hopes for the kids. As far as handling pushy in laws and exes is concerned just say no.

Answer 6

your ex husbands parents have no rights in this, so dont worry about what they want. but remember, the children have a right to see them. but you do NOT need to be there as well. encourage visits, let them have time with your kids, but yes it should be clear that you are no longer together and do not let the family bully you