Swinging is not cheating, and I'll explain why. The definition of cheating is:
"1. To act dishonestly; to violate rules deliberately; 2. a deception for profit to yourself; 3. not faithful to a spouse or lover."
How is swinging any of these?
First, cheating implies deception and lying. Swingers are not deceiving nor lying to each other. They are not sneaking around and having sex with other people behind their spouses back (like people who have affairs). They have sex with other people with their spouse's consent and encouragement. Therefore no lying or deception is involved, thus they are not cheating.
Second, swingers may not be faithful in some people's sense of the word, but in regards to the definition of the word they are:
Faithful: adj. 1. Adhering firmly and devotedly, as to a person; 2. worthy of trust or belief.
How are we not being faithful to each other? To be unfaithful we would have to be deceiving each other, which we are not. I am wholeheartedly faithful and devoted to my wife and her to me. I would never leave her for another woman and she would never leave me for another man. Faithfulness is as much an emotional issue as a physical one. We hold each other above all others. We trust and believe in each other 100%.
There is no jealousy. There is no wondering if she is going to have sex with a coworker or my best friend behind my back (like my ex-wife did). I don't worry about where she is for I know she will not do anything to hurt me or jeaporadize our relationship. How many of you can say that?
I know she won't be out having sex with a play partner without my permission, and I know if I say "no" she will respect it without question, and visa-versa.
That is being faithful. Being true to and devoted to someone. To hold them in higher regard and esteem then you do anybody else.
Swinging takes a level of trust between each other that 95% of the people in the world will never have, and until you've had it with someone it is almost impossible to explain.
It also amazes me how people who have never walked a mile in my shoes can say such mindless, misinformed and mean things about me. The comments below, from this thread are simply based on people's ignorance and thus fear of things they no nothing about. Things such as:
1. "That's just nasty and people like that have the morals of an alley cat!"
And you know this how...? Do you have first hand experience with this?
From a study on swingers done by Bellermine University in 2000: When it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage, swingers may be less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general population."
Hmm... less racist, less sexist then the general population? Sounds less more to me. (insert sarcasm here).
2. "maybe, they're just sick people who don't have anymore dignity and no respect for marriage. tsk,tsk, i just wonder how can they be a responsible person."
From the Bellermine survey: "swingers are slightly more likely than the general population to say that they are members of a religious organization"
"The swingers in the sample also seemed to be as committed to marriage, to family life, and to emotional monogamy in relationships as were those in the General Societal Survey sample."
3. "i think that is the worse way to be hurt... i say don't do it... you won't feel comfortable with multiple partners even with your one... don't try it. you will be hurt."
Ari, I respect your opinion, but this is how you feel. You wouldn't feel comfortable with multiple partners for one reason or another. It doesn't mean everyone feels the same way you do.
4. "Swinging is a lustful thing its like drugs it feels great at first then you feel nasty after time etc. I think if you love your partner/spouse you should jepordize it and eventualy things will spin out of control. It was a big fantasy of mine but i cant bare to see my wife get bent by another dude and she is the same. I think swinging is for single people that dont care about eachother just hardcore sex etc."
Sirsayer, this is also based on your own biases, fears, and insecurities.
5. "Yech!!! that stinks.....Sickos......No self respect..."
Again, you know this about me because...? I happen to have allot of self respect, and respect for you too. It's obvious you have none for me.
6. "I do not agree since it destroys too many good marriages. The marriages that chooses to be in that lifestyle is doom from the very beginning."
How do you know "swinging destroys too many good marriages"? What are you basing this on? Fact or personal biases and opinion?
Again, from the Bellermine University study: "As the data shows, 62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were 'Very Happy' prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier."
7. "It tarnishes a commitment you made to each other and in all honesty I think that once you choose to go down that road, things are never the same again in the relationship."
You're right, as you can see in the paragraph above 62.6% of swingers said swinging improved their relationship, including 49.7% of those that said their relationship was "very happy" before they started swinging.
8. "Their are other ways of working out things rather then doing stupid crap like swinging people don't swing because they want to save their marriage people swing because it gives them the opportunity to sleep with someone else"
This is one of the biggest misconceptions by those on the outside looking in, that swingers do this to "save their marriage". As shown above that is not the reason people get into it. Those that do not only fail at swinging, but fail at their marriage also. As a non-swinger friend once put it to me after hanging around at numerous swinger parties, "It seems to me that swinging is like icing on the cake. But if the cake isn't solid because it's not made from good ingredients to begin with, than all the frosting in the world isn't going to keep it from crumbling." Or as someone else once said "swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it sure as h*ll won't hurt a good one." For relationships in trouble, swinging just adds one more dimension to their problems. For strong healthy relationships, it adds another dimension of joy to it.
9. "In my very own point of view those couple who are into this sort of lifestyle do not have values for their relationship or vow. For them they don't think it is cheating because they agreed with but theoretically they are denying each other, abusing their relationship and taking advantage of each other in terms of sex. Couples who do this are mostly slightly mentally sick, insatiable, and promiscuous type. I beleive they cannot give each other a pleasure so they invite strangers to join them which is very brutal and sordid. Normal, decent type of couples who have values and self-respect WOULDN'T swing."
Arianne, the only thing you said here that was good was you prefaced your comment with the phrase "In my very own point of view". You're right, this is your point of view and I appreciate you stating it as such. However, it is a point of view once again based on ignorance of the subject, personal biases, and fears and insecurities regarding the subject matter. You then go on to attack others character, not knowing them or for that matter anything about them. How many swingers do you personally know? Chances are you are around them everyday at work, in the grocery store, at the mall. You may even have some friends that swing and you don't even know it because they keep it secret from you for fear of being judged as you have just judged me, not even knowing me.
They say as much as 2 out of 100 people proclaim themselves as swingers, but in sex survey after sex survey more than 20 out of every 100 people engage in at least threesomes from time-to-time but don't formally call themselves "swingers" even though what they are doing is technically swinging. So they are all around you and you don't even know it. That tells you just how normal us swingers are. ;-)