am i being too demanding or does he just not care?

Question

ok, so we've been married a little over a year, been together 5 years, and have a two year old. i am 9 months pregnant with our second child and i can't keep my husband at home. he started a new job recently and the guys he works with stay after every day and drink til 10 or 12. no, i am not exaggerating. EVERY DAY. when he first started he told me that they did this and i asked him if he planned on doing it too and that if he did it was going to be a problem. i don't like him drinking a lot as he has a tendency to not be able to stop himself. if i had my way he wouldn't do it at all. i've told him repeatedly that i hate the way he smells after drinking and that it reminds me of my dad, who was/is an alcoholic and beat my mom for it. i also don't like how he acts. not that he's violent or anything, he just acts all macho and has this stupid look on his face like all wide-eyed, whatcha-gonna-do type thing. he also tends to shut off his phone or lie and say, yeah, he's on his way and then not show up til late. no, i really don't think he's cheating on me, he's not the type. he doesn't really drink at home and before he started at this job, maybe two days a month he might have had a drink with his brother or something, but now it's every day. every day, even when he comes home early, he'll bring alcohol(usually a huge can of beer). i told him i don't like it in several different ways, none of which included punching him in the face, which is what i really want to do. i tried to bribe him with extra sex and that didn't work either. he'd just go to work the next day and stay again. i hate that he doesn't come home especially now that it's just me, all alone at the house, all day every day. i've cried to him like a baby about it twice this month, one of which times was yesterday and guess what i'm doing today? waiting at home like an idiot. i don't know what else to do. i even tried bargaining with him. i tolld him that if that's how he wanted to be then would he just do me a favor and wait until i get a job after the baby and am not trapped at the house depending on him. then, i will be self sufficient and he can do what he wants. then i won't have to put up with it if i don't want. i need an unbiased, honest opinion. please help.

Answer 1

He does not care. It sounds to me like he is an alcoholic. My brother is an alcoholic (he is sober 4 years) and your husband has all the symptoms.



He will not stop drinking until he decides to stop drinking - he has to hit rock bottom.



What is rock bottom ? That is different for everyone.



Since your Dad was an alcoholic, you know what is going on deep inside.



Put your children first. He can't right now because of his illness



See the links below for help.



Peace.

☺♥☻

Answer 2

I have been in your situation with an alcoholic and never again he destroyed me us, what could and have ever or would be, he did the same don,t answer the phone, or says he is coming back and don't he had no respect for me and I lost respect for him. He became worse, he became abusive. Look you are better off alone with your kids you can't change him and nothing you will do or say will make him change his ways. The alcohol controls him, unless he admits he has a problem, and gets help and it takes years to fully recover he would have to abstain from alcohol, stop working where he is working, the environment encourages the drinking. He is turning into an alcoholic, look after those kids and yourself, he is unstable and he is not a good father or husband when drinking like that. Ultimatum stop drinking or leave i did, and he stopped 2 months later is undergoing counseling and attending meetings but I don't want him back what he has to understand is my ex did damage to me, and I will never forget that and I lost respect and trust for him. Leave before you do that and demand he gets help, then there is a chance of reconciling.

Answer 3

First, let me say that as guy I do not think you are being too demanding at all. Personally, I think he needs to get his head out of his butt. At 9 months pregnant, you will be popping any day. What is going to happen when you go into labor, have a 2 year old to deal with, and he is out drunk in the bar with his phone off? I do not mean to offend you, but your husband is being an a**hole.



In my younger years, I hit the bottle pretty hard. By the end of college, I was a drunk. I had a drinking problem. I remember people saying that maybe I should cut back a bit and I remember my ex-fiancee suggesting that I hang with the AA crowd that gathered every Friday night at the restaurant she managed, but none of that mattered to me. I was interested in alcohol to ease the stress of school and the pain of a bad breakup. It wasn't until I realized that I had a problem did anything change. Nothing and I mean nothing anyone could have said or done prior to that point would have gotten me to stop drinking. After a moment of enlightenment, I cut back on drinking. Eventually I essentially matured and by 25 I had pretty much quit drinking all together (without help from the outside, a dumb move looking back on it now). I remember the feeling of being scared of AA because I would have to vow to never drink again. As stupid as it sounds, I was afraid to reach out for help because I couldn't bear the thought of living without alcohol. Pretty sick when I look back on it.



Your husband sounds a bit like me when I was a hard partier. I am shocked at a married man who would turn down sex from his wife where the only price he would have to endure is to spend the evening with her.



Plain and simple, he is choosing the bottle over you. As I am sure you know, if he is indeed an alcoholic, there is probably nothing you can do to change his behavior, he has to change it for himself and want to make the change.



The best I can tell you is that wanting to spend time with your husband is completely reasonable. The fact he is leaving you alone when you are 9 months pregnant is pretty cold in my eyes. I honestly wish you the best and I wish you a speedy and painless delivery!

Answer 4

You are only voicing your concerns. You are not being demanding in anyway. You did what you felt what was right by communicating with your husband. Your husband is the one that does not care and is acting out of character by doing the things he is doing now.



If your husband continues the behavior after the baby, I would then be concerned. Maybe suggest you both go to marriage counseling. If your husband refuses then do what you mentioned and a get a job and take care of yourself and the children, your well being along with the children's well being is what is important.

Answer 5

He is headed on his way to becoming an alcoholic if he isn't already. An alcoholic will choose the bottle over their wife and kids. He needs AA. You can contact Al-anon and see if they can help you.



Joy to you!

Answer 6

WAY too demanding. To be brutally honest, really rather pathetic.